Out of Nowhere(60)

Rafe’s expression is neutral but I can tell he’s paying close attention. I look out the window.

“Only once. And it… wasn’t a good thing.” That’s a fucking understatement. Rafe’s hands on me tighten, and he bites his lip, like he’s waiting for me to go on. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He narrows his eyes like he’s going to push it, and I prime myself to get up and leave if he does.

But then he just pulls me closer and hugs me. After a minute or so, I relax against him.

“Is that what you want?” I ask. My face is near his ear so I only have to breathe the words. “To… to fuck me?” The words feel odd in my mouth.

“Mmm. Well.” His voice is a rumble. “I would love to fuck you. But there are lots of other things we can do if you don’t want that. I want it to be good for you.”

I nod.

“Or you could fuck me,” he says. “If you want.”

And damn, the idea of being inside Rafe wakes my dick right up. But I don’t really want that. Not now. Don’t want the responsibility. The idea that I could hurt him is too awful.

“No. Uh, I mean, no thanks.”

Rafe smiles. “You want to go watch a movie or something?”

I shake my head and kiss his neck, feeling his pulse speed up beneath my lips. I kiss his ear and down his jaw to his mouth. We kiss slowly at first, but then I bite at Rafe’s lip and we start really going at it, feeding on each other’s mouths and grinding together.

I need this. Need to feel in control of it. And Rafe’s good at that. I take his hand and he curls his fingers around mine as if we were walking down the waterfront hand in hand. I move his hand to my ass and slide down so our hips are aligned. Then I grind hard into him and he grabs my ass just like I knew he would.

“Want to try?” he asks, and I nod. Rafe runs both hands over my ass as we kiss. He strokes fingertips over my hole and the skin around it and I shiver as nerve endings wake up. It’s turning me on in the strangest way. A way that has nothing to do with my dick and more to do with the heat that’s started buzzing inside me. After a minute, I’m shaking in Rafe’s arms and my dick is rock hard. Rafe groans and kisses me desperately. Then he rolls me off him and turns to his side to face me, his erection heavy between us. He runs a hand down my neck.

“I want you,” he says. “I want to be inside you. I’ll make it good for you, I promise.” He sounds so serious. “But we won’t do anything you don’t want.”

Can I do this? I’m not sure. I shake my head.

“Okay,” Rafe says. “Then we won’t.”

“No, I—I was just thinking.”

I’m starting to tense up the longer I have nothing to say. I’m just scared, I guess, though I hate to admit it. Scared I’ll panic, thinking about before. Scared I won’t like it.

“When I touch you here—” Rafe runs his fingers over my hole again and I shiver hard. “Fuck. The way you respond… I think you’ll love the way it feels to be filled.” He presses against my hole for a second, keeping the pressure light. “The way it feels to be open to me, trusting that I’ll make you feel good.” He squeezes my ass hard and runs his fingers down behind my balls, pressing in. I jerk against him. “Mmm,” he hums, rolling us so I’m back on top of him. “Hear something you like?”

I can’t think of a thing to say to that. He lifts my face away a few inches, looking at me. I don’t know how he can keep eye contact the way he does without feeling awkward. I close my eyes and kiss him, hoping he’ll just keep doing what he’s doing.

“Okay,” he says, as if he’s answering a question I didn’t ask. “Let’s go with that. I say or do something you like, you kiss me. Is that easier?” I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him, relieved. He squeezes me back. “Okay.”

“Um, am I crushing you?” I ask.

“No.” He takes a tube from his pocket. “Spread your legs for me.” And, oh god, that should not turn me on like it does.

When he touches me again, his fingers are slick against my skin. I stare at the tube of lube sitting on the comforter next to Rafe’s hip, and it’s like I’ve fallen into someone else’s life. When the tip of his finger slides inside me, I gasp and my whole body clenches around it. Rafe bites his lip.

“You okay?” I nod. He must be getting seriously sick of asking me that. “Try and relax if you can.” He pushes deeper inside me, and I can feel it with each beat of my heart. He strokes up and down my back with his other hand, and I squeeze my eyes closed. But that’s no good because it lets me imagine it isn’t Rafe touching me and then my mind starts to spiral to places I don’t want it to go, so I open them.