Out of Nowhere(62)

“I want to try again,” I say. I kiss his neck, his jaw, loving the feeling of stubble against my lips as I move toward his mouth.

He shakes his head, but I can feel how turned on he is.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he says. But his eyes are burning into mine and I’m pretty sure I can convince him.

“No, come on. I just—I think I just need to see you. Can we… you can do it that way, right?”

“Oh yeah,” he says heatedly.

“Just checking,” I mutter.

Rafe moves on top of me, kneeling between my legs.

“We’re going to go slow,” he says, kissing me, “and you stop me at any time. It was good that you stopped me.”

I close my eyes, humiliated, but Rafe just kisses me again and I force myself not to think about anything but the feeling of his mouth on mine, the smell of his hair as it spills down around my face.

“Sorry,” he mutters, pulling a rubber band off his wrist and moving to tie his hair back. I grab his wrist before he can.

“No, don’t. I… I like your hair.”

Rafe’s smile is sweet and delighted. Is it possible I’ve never given him a compliment before? I pull his face down and kiss him again to try and say sorry, twining my fingers in his hair. I love the way it feels, thick and soft. It’s a little tangled, though, and when I tug gently, I end up pulling his hair.

“Shit, sorry,” I say just as Rafe groans. He kisses me hard and slides a hand under my thigh, lifting my leg up around his hip.

He breaks the kiss to study my face as he moves his hand between my legs. He touches me so gently, his fingers sliding in the lube that’s still there, and his mouth opens on a breath.

“Okay?”

I nod and he slides two fingers back inside me. My eyes close and my head tips back and Rafe leans in, kissing my throat, then my mouth, fingers playing inside me, finding that spot that felt so good before.

“Ungh!”

He rubs over it, and I dig my fingers into his back, pleasure spreading through me.

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

Rafe rolls my hips up, and I start shaking against him, needing something I can’t put words to. Rafe kisses me deeply, moaning into my mouth as he moves his hand between us. He puts on a new condom and slicks himself up again. I feel shaky and overstimulated and my dick is leaking down onto my stomach. Rafe stills, just looking at me.

“You are so fucking gorgeous like this,” he murmurs, running a hand down my torso, rubbing at the drops of precome that have fallen onto my stomach, and then lightly stroking me until I’m gasping.

“Okay, okay, okay,” I say, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling him down into a kiss.

“Okay,” he says, smiling. “You stop me if—”

“God damn it, I know!”

Rafe smiles. He reaches down and guides his dick to my opening, just resting there for a minute.

“Push out,” he whispers against my lips.

When I do, he presses just the head inside me. I gasp and nod at him. He kisses me lightly and slides deeper.

“Breathe, breathe,” he says. “Fuck.” Rafe’s voice is breathy, his jaw tight. He pushes in so slowly that I can feel myself opening up to him.

“Oh god,” I say. I feel caught between something unbearably good and something terrifying. I squeeze my eyes shut, and Rafe rubs circles on my stomach. His hand is shaking.

“Okay?”

I don’t know if I’m okay. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again. Because the feeling of him inside, filling me up, connected with me… it makes me feel like a different person. I squeeze my eyes shut, too overwhelmed to keep looking at him.

“Colin, are you okay? Please, I need you to tell me.” His thumb brushes at my closed eyelids and I feel moisture there. I blink it away, nod, then spread my legs farther for him and pull at his back.

“’M’okay. Just, c’mere.”

He nods. Then he slides the rest of the way inside me. He groans desperately, but doesn’t move once he’s inside. I try to keep breathing, but I feel too full.

I scrabble at Rafe’s shoulders, starting to panic again.

“Okay, try to relax for me. I know, babe, I know.” He kisses me, and as distractions go, it’s a good one. His mouth on mine is hungry, possessive, but his hands are soft, rubbing my stomach, stroking up and down my arms. When he reaches between us and strokes my dick, I clench up and we both cry out.

“Oh,” I gasp as the feeling of uncomfortable fullness transforms into something so much better. Something deep and powerful. Rafe is frozen above me, an intense look on his face. He’s biting his lip and gazing down at me. “I—oh Jesus, Rafe.” Because I can feel him throbbing deep inside me. And this feels nothing like the painful, hurried mess of before.