One Regret(17)

I laughed as he skipped from the room. When he came back, his mood had changed completely. “You should go down there, Liv.”

“Who is it?” I asked, but I already knew the answer. I pulled on my jeans and a pair of shoes, feeling like shit.

William stood with his back to me, hands pushed deep into his pockets. I could tell from the straightness of his posture that he was angry.

“William.” His name sounded like a betrayal when it passed over my lips. “What are you doing here?”

He didn’t turn around when he answered me. “I came to see you. To apologize.”

“For dumping me? Or for treating me like shit?” I was freezing in Thomas’ thin t-shirt and my teeth chattered around the words.

“For both actually.” Now he turned around and all I could see was a broken man. “I wanted to tell you that I was sorry and that explain why I said those things. But it seems you’ve already moved on.”

“This isn’t what you think, William.” My fingers were going numb. “Come inside and we can talk about it.”

“I’m not going in there. Not with him in there.” William’s eyes lingered on the t-shirt I was wearing.

“You broke up with me, William.” I hugged my arms over my chest. “You broke my heart.”

William’s jaw tightened and his eyes grew stormy. “I’m sorry.”

“You hurt me. You said you wouldn’t do that, but you did.” I wondered if the tears that spilled from my eyes would freeze on my cheeks.

“I never meant to hurt you, Olivia. I love you.” But what I saw in his eyes wasn’t love, it was regret. “I know I screwed this up, but you hurt me, too.”

I knew that I had. Even though I technically hadn’t done anything wrong, that didn’t mean what I had done was right. I ached with regret. “I’m sorry, William.”

“You should go inside. You’ll get frostbite.” He sounded like Utah-William again.

“Do you think we can work past this?” I didn’t want him to leave. Not until I knew he wasn’t leaving for good.

“I don’t think we should.” William let out a breath that fogged the air in front of him. “We keep doing this to each other. It’s not good for us.”

“You’re good for me, William,” I said. “That’s what matters.”

William shook his head. “If I was good for you, we wouldn’t keep having this conversation over and over. This isn’t working.”

“So that’s it then? You don’t want to be with me?” My chest was starting to hurt, and not just from breathing in the thin, cold air.

“I don’t want you to be with me.” William took three steps back. “I want you to be happy, Liv. You deserve that. And I can’t make you happy.”

“That’s not true.” My words were barely audible.

“Go inside, Livy. Forget about me. Forget about us.” William turned away from me so that I had to strain to hear his next words. “Forget about everything that happened after that first night.”

I made it back inside before it hit me. When it did, it knocked me from my feet. I sank onto the stairs and cried until I didn’t have any tears left. I hadn’t wanted any of this. I had just wanted to give into my impulses for one night. Nothing more. No relationship, no boyfriend. I certainly hadn’t wanted to fall in love. For a minute, I wished I could go back and change everything. Erase the story of William from my life. But when I really thought about it, I didn’t regret the beginning. I only regretted the ending.