Never Been Nerdy(96)

Make sure Dean knows the score and that he can leave anytime he wants to.

Give Dean and me a chance. A real chance.





Chapter 28





“I’m here!” Dean calls from my bathroom when I walk into my apartment.

“Marco!” I yell out, taking off my heels and padding into my living room.

“Polo!” Dean calls, but instead of me finding him, he comes to find me.

Typical Dean. Always making the first move. Just means he’s braver than most. So what does that make you?

“Hey!” He comes running around the corner, sliding on his sock-feet like he’s a puppy who can’t stop in time. He’s smiling at me, grinning, eyes crinkling on the sides. My insides do the hula dance, and my heart’s giving me problems. He’s really beautiful, and for now at least, he’s mine.

“Your old man okay?”

I nod, putting my purse down. “Yeah, he’s fine. Do you have to leave soon for work?” He’s got his hair tied up in a man-bun, bits stuck behind his ears because of the length in certain areas.

“Yeah, but I can delay another fifteen minutes if you need me for something.”

He just had to say that. He just had to.

“No, that’s okay. I have something I need to do. How about I drive you to work? It’s cold outside.” I can’t look him in the eye, he has to know what’s going on in my head. He has to know all this crazy shit that’s going on inside me.

“Kitten, is something wrong?” I didn’t even track him coming to stand in front of me.

“Uh, yeah. Everything’s good. You got your shit? We can leave now so you can prep or whatever.”

Stop being a bitch just because you’re scared. You’re being obvious!

I get a gentle nudge under my chin and now I’m looking into Dean’s green-green eyes. I swear, God was being awesome the day Dean was made. How am I supposed to think when he’s looking at me like that?

“Did I do something wrong?” Shit, he’s chewing his lip looking absolutely adorable and scared and nervous and I can’t open my mouth to say the thing that need to be said.

“No, I promise. Everything’s good, I swear. Do you want to give me your keys so I can go feed the boys during your shift, or is Max over? I find myself missing Potter.”

Dean’s eyes go cloudy and he just stares at me, looking at me like he’s not quite sure what to do with me. Yeah, well, I don’t know what to do with me. I should be old enough to have my shit figured out.

Oh, man, what if I never do? What if nothing’s ever really resolved? What if life isn’t a problem you can solve and be done with it?

Maybe you just have to roll with it and do your best. And find someone along the way who doesn’t want to kill you. Find several people like that.

“Max is staying at his girl’s place, actually. Would you mind going over and keeping the kids company? I hate leaving them in their cages, they look at me like I’ve sentenced them to death whenever I do. Then I give them cookies because I feel bad, and the con-artists take me for a ride every single time. I go to the damn pet store three times a week to keep up my supply.”

I give him a half-assed grin, looking away from his face. “Are you ready to go?” I summon the courage to look him in the face and he just gives me a grim nod.

“Yeah. Here are my keys. Stop by whenever you want, watch a movie or something. I’ll be by late, maybe around two, so if you don’t mind staying awake ‘til then, I can give you a ride home later, no problem.”

“Okay,” I tell him, already ushering him out of my apartment, getting the door locked and navigating the stairs in the heels I’ve re-put on.

I am an awkward snowflake. What the hell is wrong with me?

Well, you might be admitting to yourself that you could possibly lo-

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright? I didn’t do anything, uh, wrong last night, did I?”

“What? No! There was nothing wrong. It was pretty good, actually. I mean, uh, can we not talk about this in the stairwell? Or in the elevator?”

Or ever?

“Are you trying to gently let me down, ‘cause I can take it. I told you how I felt too soon, and now you’re freaking out. I told you, you don’t have to say it back. I just…” Dean takes his hair out of his bun, then aggressively grabs hanks of it trying to put into order back in a bun. I appreciate the view, but try not to look too closely at him.

Why is this whole love shit so terrifying?!

Maybe because for once in your life, you’re giving someone power over you, to rip you to shreds, to grind you to dust.

We get to Roxie in an awkward silence. I beep the car open and Dean gets into the passenger seat. The drive over to the restaurant is uneventful, and Dean’s put on the radio where Kurt Cobain’s rough vocal chords serenade “Come as you are”.