Never Been Nerdy(98)

“So you landed yourself a nerd, huh?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, but he doesn’t hurt my brain with all the references.”

Sera pats my knee. “Give it time. He probably doesn’t want to spook you.”

“He told me he loved me. Can you believe it? We slept together and he started mouthing off about it right after.”

Sera looks thoughtful. “Yeah, but he’s been holding out for you ever since high school. Weirder shit’s been known to happen than high school sweethearts finding each other again after years apart. You could even say it’s something out of a movie.”

“Real life’s a million times harder than a movie, Super S. I… I don’t know how I’m going to be able to stay in a relationship with him.”

“Maybe you should stop trying to think about the long-term and just deal with the day-to-day stuff. You’re giving me heart palpitations. Look at you, you’re so nervous you’re gonna jump out of your skin and I just painted these walls.”

I frown at her and twist my mouth. “So what do I do?”

“What do you want to do?”

I cover my eyes with one hand. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, you do, K. You know exactly what you want to do. I’ve noticed how you look at me and Hunt. You’ve just been too scared to try.”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

Sera nods, tucking some hair behind her ear, and giving me a small understanding smile.

“He knows that, trust me, he knows that. He knows what he’s getting into. Could you live with yourself if you never tried it with him again? If you didn’t give yourself a shot?”

“I’m not a good person, I’m not like you, Sera. I’m not considerate, and I swear too much, and I hurt people I love, and I’m angry and tired all the fucking time…”

“You’re no superhero, K, that’s all. Welcome to the real world.”

I look at her face and wonder who I’ve thought I’ve been all these years. Why my problems trumped everybody else’s, why I was the only I thought suffered.

Everybody hurts, everybody’s having a hard time of it, no matter what their circumstances.

No one’s happy a hundred percent of the time, but shit, those moments where you are, they bring you through the not so great ones.

“Russia’s in love with you, you know. Or at least he thinks he is.”

Sera nods like this isn’t news to her. “I guess that makes sense. He’s been blowing up my phone with texts. He’s stopped texting me now that I told him I’m engaged. I want to tell you something.”

“Should I be worried?”

Sera shakes her head. “I love Hunter, which is new for me because I never thought this would happen to me in a million years, and a lot of that’s my fault. I believed what my parents used to say about me, and I’ve found this wonderful man and his son, and we’re a family now, and that’s going to take work.” She pulls in a deep breath.

“I worry everyday of how he feels, of how Matty feels. It’s unfair what’s happened to both of them, and when you’re young and you have taken away from you… it feels like the world is ending, it feels like there isn’t a point to living at all if you’re not able to go after it a hundred percent of the time.

“I’ve given up junk food, and I live in an apartment that fits just the three of us and my books and DVDs. My life has changed immeasurably since meeting those two, and only for the better. I’m excited to get married, K, because I never thought I would. I don’t know where to start, or what to do first. That’s why I’m going to need your help. But I need you to promise me one thing - okay, maybe two things.”

So close to the light at the end of the tunnel just to hit a pothole and have to detour back into the darkness. Shit.

“Okay…”

Sera smiles like she used to before I went all asshole on her.

“I want you to be my maid of honour, for real this time, and believe me when I say I’m not going to ruin Matty’s life, I’m not going to break up with Hunt. As long as we’re together, we’re going to do our best to make it work – that’s all we can do.”

I nod, throat burning like the fire pits of hell. “What’s the second thing? Or was there a second thing in there, ‘cause I lost count.”

Sera’s face is solemn, a study in seriousness when she stares at me. “I want you to tell Dean you love him. I want you to take a chance on him and see where it goes.”

Can I do that? Tell him?

Ovary up, DiNovro. What’s the worse that can happen? Your bad luck might kill your chances but at least you’d have tried.