Never Been Nerdy(95)
I blow out a breath. Shit. “Remember my high school boyfriend, Dean Carter?”
Dad’s eyes narrow. “Vaguely.”
“Well, we reconnected and I’m scared of falling in love with him. I don’t want to do what Mom did to you. And knowing my bad luck, well, it’s not a matter of if, but when, Dad.”
Dad sighs. “This curse-thing again. How many times do I have to tell you that no amount of malocchio in the world can stop you from doing what you want to do?”
I twist my mouth. “Dad, you know what nona did, maybe it’s the whole reason why you and Mom split up.”
“No. It’s not. Your mother chose someone else instead of me. I fought for her, but it was already too late. No amount of good luck could have changed that, either, and you have to believe that. I do.”
“But, how can you?”
“Katie, there’s no amount of outside forces in this world that can take away what choices you make. Do you love this kid?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never been in love. I don’t know if it’s possible.”
Dad squints at me, and places another kiss on my hand. I want to cry some more. I missed him, I missed him being affectionate with me. “Every heart is capable of love, sweetheart, no matter how many times it’s been broken, patched, and sewn back together.”
I blink. “Wow, Dad, that was really good. Can I hire you as a daily motivational speaker?”
“Ah, shut up, you.” Dad smiles, giving my hand another squeeze. “All you have to do is try. This kid, does he treat you well?”
I nod. “Probably more than I deserve. Definitely more than I deserve.”
“And you, do you treat him well?”
I frown. “Not as good as I should. I have to do something about that.”
Dad nods. “You’re going to have to take it one day at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You have to be open to it, and when that times comes that you tell him, and you have to tell him, Katie, I promise you that you will never feel more alive.”
“Yeah?” Dad nods. Then I ask, “But what if it doesn’t work out, what if I hurt him sometime in the future?”
Dad huffs out a breath, like he’s completely exasperated with me.
What, I want to know! Tell me!
“I can’t tell you that because I don’t know, and neither do you. Do you believe he loves you?”
I nod. “He says he does, and I think I believe him.”
“Good. Then that’s where you start. You build friendship and trust. You build to love. You know, I swear to God, I remember the day I fell face first into love with your mother.”
If this is a story about them having sex I’m going to vomit and bleach my brain…
“We were walking outside, hand in hand, just walking to your zio’s place, going to have supper. She was dressed in jeans and these red boots she insisted she wear. It was fall and the leaves had practically all fallen. She picked up a leaf,” he says, eyes closed now, sifting through the memories.
“It was bright, bright red, and she handed it to me, smiling all the while because it was a dying leaf but still perfect she said to me. I don’t know what it was, but just the act of her picking up that leaf, and then giving it to me, I dropped like a stone, cara.”
“I was waiting for this big romantic story, Dad, and you give me this?” I grin when he starts to look hurt. “I know what you mean, I think. It’s not going to be some grand thing that he does, but a tiny thing that’s going to make love him. I do care for him, Dad, he’s a good person.”
“He sounds like a good guy. I would love to meet him, when you’re ready. If it’s the kid I’m thinking, you sure he can protect you in the middle of the night with that stick-thin body of his? He’s probably a buck twenty soaking wet.”
I laugh, throw my head back, and let it ring out in the lonely living room. “Dad, Dean’s changed a lot. Anyway, if that day comes, I’ll call you, okay? Now, go watch your game and I’ll make us some lunch.”
I get up from the couch, letting go of Dad’s hand. When I round his chair, he grabs my other hand, stopping me in my tracks.
“Thank you for coming to see me, I know I haven’t been the best of company. And thank you for always doing the cooking. Thank you for being here.”
Eyes burning with more tears, I lean down and kiss the top of his head.
“Thank you, Dad, for helping me out today. Just… thank you. I feel a lot better.
In the kitchen, I go over what I have left to do, scrolling through my mental checklist.
Only three things left.
Become Sera’s best friend again.