More Than I Wanted(14)

I couldn’t think clearly. I knew it was my own fault, but I was a mess. After pacing around my living room, I went and laced up my running shoes. A few miles into my run, I let it all go. Coming home, I was exhausted, but knew the miles I put in was better than any therapy I could pay for.

I was a few minutes late for work, but nothing my boss would chew me out about. We had pretty flexible schedules, as long as you put your time in. It had been a rough night and morning, and all I wanted to do was get lost in my work. Heather stopped by my desk and gave me a quick hug.

“We’ll talk during lunch,” she said before heading back to her cubicle.





Chapter 8





“Yes, I know Emily,” Heather started, “Austin and Scott go way back. It wasn’t anybody’s fault at first; it was just the stress of military life that made the first crack in their relationship. Then it got ugly. After awhile, Emily started fooling around because she got lonely. She stopped the affair when Austin came back home, but they were fighting a lot, she said he wasn’t the same person she married, and eventually things came to blows. She filed for divorce, and it wrapped up pretty quickly, since there weren’t kids involved.”

I sat transfixed, listening to the details about the man I was dating. I wanted every shred of detail I could get, and asked way too many questions. When it came down to it, she moved on before he did, and when he found out later she’d been fooling around on him, he was livid. He didn’t contest the divorce, and held less than stellar opinions about his ex-wife, the one willing to sleep with another man while her husband is off at war. He was crushed though in all honesty. What man wouldn’t be? You think you’re doing your part, and your partner is off doing somebody else.

Sitting in the lunchroom, Heather and I hashed over the details of his past. I admitted that we’d decided to carry on as a couple, but that I’d snooped on the internet after he left. I was embarrassed to tell her at first, but being a woman, I knew she got that. I just wish I hadn’t looked at the picture, because I kept seeing her face and how pretty she was. How could I compete with that? I was simply average, okay maybe a little above average in looks, but she was downright stunning. Obviously a bitch, but a stunning bitch at that.

I hated Emily, hated her with a passion. I didn’t even know her, but that she hurt him so deeply, I was crushed. I wanted to wrap him in my arms, tell him I knew the details and that I wouldn’t hurt him that way. Only, I couldn’t tell him any of this. He couldn’t know I’d snooped, or he’d be pissed and wouldn’t trust me. I made my own bed, and had to deal with it.

Austin and I dated about twice a week, and continued getting to know one another. On the weekends, I either slept at his place, or he slept at mine. I had a little more room at my place, so we settled there more often. We were currently following a pattern of Tuesday nights we’d have dinner out and snuggle a bit, maybe watch television together, but then go our separate ways at the end of the evening. Saturdays were all day lust filled fun, and we’d pick an activity or two. Whether it was lunch out, a movie, a walk, a wine tasting, it didn’t matter, it was time with Austin.

Work was work, and Austin had his own stuff going on. The military had their own schedule of training, rules, and we worked around those things as well. Sometimes he was around, sometimes he wasn’t. I grew used to it, but counted down the days until he would be free of this lifestyle. I looked forward to a normal life and schedule.

Things were pretty calm and moving along smoothly. We connected emotionally, and while I’d like to claim it was love, I didn’t know if it was. Well, I knew I’d fallen in love with Austin, but I didn’t have a clue what his feelings were. He didn’t express them deeply, and while I felt cared about, and we shared a deep intimacy in bed, I just didn’t know where he stood in our relationship. I wanted to believe he loved me, but maybe it was too soon.

After a Saturday night of mind blowing sex, I went out for my usual run while Austin slept in. Coming home, I quietly climbed into the shower, wanting to freshen up before my guy woke up. The water felt good, and standing in the water I relaxed.

The hot water sprayed over me, washing away the salty grime from my sweaty body. My head always felt so much clearer after a run. I was enjoying a leisurely wash up when the shower curtain opened.

“Mind if I join you,” he asked with a schoolboy grin. Austin stood there smiling and naked, ready to get in.

I smiled and watched him as he joined me. His body was a thing of beauty, strong, and masculine. I loved his chest, solid and muscled, and his broad shoulders. I picked up the soap and ran it over one of his tattooed arms. “Hey, good morning,” I whispered, before leaning in to kiss him.