More Than I Wanted(12)

His own followed shortly, and together we collapsed side by side, barely talking, breathing hard. My hand drew along his chest and down to his stomach. I just wanted to touch him, couldn’t get enough, and slowly I found the courage to speak.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered.

“Me too,” he said, smiling. His eyes were closed, enjoying the pleasures of my hand lingering across his body.

“This doesn’t have to mean anything,” I said, letting him off the hook. I hope it didn’t make me sound like a slut, but I’d rather that than come off as needy.

Austin opened his eyes and turned to face me, “It means something,” he said softly. His hand gracefully cupped my face, and he leaned over to kiss me. “I can’t promise forever, but I can promise right now.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“Why don’t we see where this takes us? One step at a time, but let’s try it out, see how it feels being a couple. What do you say?”

“I’d like that,” I said, laying my head against him.

“I like how soft your hair feels against me,” he said, wrapping his arm around to pull me in closer.

“Austin?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you call? You didn’t seem interested when we first met,” I kicked myself, but the words were out. “What changed?”

“Relationships scare me, but Scott spoke highly of you. I just got back from a tour, and I’ve got some emotional stuff to work through. It’s hard to explain what that means, but I didn’t want to drag you through it. It’s what hurt my past relationship,” he spoke honestly, and from the heart. I appreciated the truth, but hearing about a past relationship left me feeling a twinge of jealousy. “I go off as one person, and come home as another, and it takes awhile to adjust. That’s hard on both people, but I’m hoping it’s behind me. This was my last tour.”

“Was it scary?”

“Sometimes,” he said, “but you’re there to do a job, and you trust your team. Mostly, you’re focused on your assignment. I don’t want to bore you with this stuff, and honestly, it’s hard to share with people who haven’t been through it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“You’re not prying, and I don’t mean to shut you out, it’s just its own thing.”

“Was it a long relationship,” what the hell am I doing? I kicked myself, stop, stop, close your mouth, and stop doing this.

“I was married,” he said. “It’s since ended.”

“Oh,” this took me by surprise. He has an ex-wife. Shit. I didn’t realize. I wonder if Heather knew and omitted that information, or if she was unaware. I tried to wrap my head around the idea of him having an ex-wife, but I didn’t like it.

“Why don’t we change the topic, that’s in the past,” he said, leaning over me, sweetly kissing my lips.

I was married played through my head over and over. Shit. He’s got a lot of baggage, hell, we all do, but he was married. Maybe this is a mistake. Why? It’s an ex-wife, let it go. Take it one day at a time, stop trying to dictate what this is, and just enjoy it for once.

I let his lips melt away the thoughts swirling through my brain. I knew they’d rush back later, but for now his mouth was all that I cared about. Okay, well if things stirred below, I’d care about that too.

Making love, is that what it’s called when we aren’t in love yet? I don’t know, but there was a new softness and warmth, a renewed interest between us. This time our hungry passion was tamed, and we took our time exploring each other’s bodies slower, getting to know one another on a very intimate level.

Worn, but deliciously satisfied, I curled in next to Austin. I could smell and taste my essence on his lips, after an incredible orgasm. Sprawled between my legs, he slid back up beside me, holding me, and now in the afterglow I licked his lips, which tasted of me. His tongue and fingers had done amazing things to my body, and I was limp from exhaustion.

Such an intimate pleasure shared between two new lovers, and for a moment in time it felt like he belonged to me. I hoped that feeling would linger, but I knew my own bits of jealousy and insecurity would crop up and block my way.





Chapter 7





I woke to Austin kicking, wrestling with the sheets, and didn’t know whether to wake him or let him go. It was obviously a nightmare, but I didn’t know what to do. He was sweaty, fighting, something – I couldn’t tell.

It was the first time I’d seen him go through this. Was I supposed to wake him, let him go? I knew he’d been struggling with nightmares time to time, as he’d talked about it at the tavern. He didn’t go into detail, but said it’s been rough getting back to a regular sleeping pattern. He’d mentioned that when he does finally sleep, sometimes bad dreams haunt him.