Love's Suicide(132)

I waited until he saw his friends out before getting up and making my way into the bedroom. Brooks came over and picked me up, carefully laying me on the new mattress. “So, how does it feel? The internet said it’s the most sold bed in America. The rug is even softer than the one we had to throw away. It matches all the new bedding. Mom picked them out based on what you had before.”

I closed my eyes and let my body sink down in the memory foam. It was the utmost comfortable thing I’d ever laid on. I leaned up on my elbow and looked at him. “It’s great, but there’s just one problem.”

He looked concerned, as if he was going to have to return it. “What? Too soft? I know some people like a bed to be firm.”

“No. It’s too comfortable. I don’t see how you’re ever going to get any action, when I fall asleep as soon as my back hits the bed.”

Brooks began to laugh at my comment. He pulled me close against him and looked down at my lips. “Am I allowed to kiss you or are we still waiting?”

I closed my eyes and prepared for his lips to make contact with mine. “Waiting only prolongs the inevitable.”

He kissed me slowly, brushing our lips together and then pulled away. “I don’t think I have to worry about you falling asleep on me. I know ways to keep you alert and ready.” Just as he ran his hands down between my legs, I heard the door open and shut and our daughter’s voice.

We both sat up and prepared for her presence. Danica let her climb up to hug Brooks. “Hey, Daddy will be outside in just a second. I need to talk to Mommy about something first. Go on with Mom mom and I’ll meet you there.”

She hopped down and went running back outside. Danica smiled at him as if she knew a secret that I didn’t. I felt overwhelmed for a second, thinking that he was getting ready to, of all times, ask me to marry him.

I pulled away and must have gotten a shocked look on my face. “What’s wrong with you?”

I put my hands up in front of me. “Don’t you dare do it. I need time, Brooks. I can’t just spit on a grave that hasn’t even been dug yet.”

I watched his face change, and as he realized what I’d been thinking, I discovered that my assumption had been way off.

I felt so stupid.

He shook his head. “Look, now I get that you’re worried I’m going to push you, but I won’t push for that. Kat, I will wedge myself so far into your life that you won’t be able to get rid of me, but I wasn’t going to ask you what you think I was. In fact, I wasn’t going to ask you anything.”

“Sorry.” I was completely embarrassed. “What was it?”

“While you were in the hospital I had my appointment with the medical board. It seems that my injuries are more severe than I thought. They’re going to have to do surgery, and they’re not real sure that he can fix the damage.”

I looked down at the scars on his arm; the scars that saved that young child. My finger traced over them. “What does that mean?”

“Well, depending on a few factors, I may not be able to stay on active duty. I know I can’t pass a normal physical evaluation. Without feeling in my hand and arm, I can’t operate the machinery that I was trained to use.”

“You said it didn’t bother you.”

He began to laugh. “It doesn’t. For the most part, I can’t feel much of anything. I just assumed that it was alright. But I can tell that sometimes I lose the feeling and control over it.”

I put my hand over my mouth. “Jesus, you picked me up before. You just carried a mattress. What were you thinking?”

He shrugged again and reached over to touch my lips. “I was thinking that I’d waited my whole life to be with you and hold a child that we shared together. When the opportunity was in front of me, I couldn’t refuse it.”

I felt terrible and couldn’t look at him in the face. “So, it’s our fault you may not be able to work?”

He pulled me back toward him and my body fell over his. “Even if it was, I wouldn’t be mad. I’ve got plans for us, Kat, and they don’t involve the military. Getting out wouldn’t be that bad. I could get a job and we’d be fine.”

“I still can’t believe that you want to be with me. So much has happened. If you were smart, you would have forgotten about me a long time ago.”

He patted me on the back. “We’re a family. I’ve doubted myself for many reasons in my life, but deciding to love you was never something I ever considered giving up. That probably makes me a fool. I really don’t care what anyone thinks about it. We can be something beautiful together and that’s all I need to know.”