Lily White Lies(40)

“You two go... have a good time.”

With a nod and a wave, he turned to leave.

“Marco.”

He spun on one foot and directed his attention toward me.

“Can I ask you something... something personal?”

A short nod caused his jet-black hair to fall into his eyes.

“What is it about Nelda? I mean, what’s the one thing that stands out above everything else?”

He looked to the floor, seemingly embarrassed by my question. He nodded and a smile stretched across his face before he looked up at me.

“She speaks to me with her eyes.”

His answer was a little vague, but having seen that look pass between them on occasion, I knew exactly what he meant and offered a knowing smile.

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“And she can’t keep her hands off me.”

“Go ahead, get out of here.” I shooed him toward the door and playfully added, “See you guys tomorrow.”

With another wave, he was gone.

I put my envy aside long enough to be genuinely happy for them. They live week to week, struggling for everything they have and yet not one of their dreams takes them past the edge of town. They find that to be enough and I find myself envying the simplicity of their lives.



I spent the rest of the day wandering. The habit of drifting aimlessly around the city was something Brian never understood and something that helped me to understand everything so much better. Gazing into store windows, listening to the sounds of busy people and traffic, and losing myself in the commotion made me realize that the world kept turning. It didn’t care about my problems and would throw me off before it would stop spinning.

It all seemed so simple and an outsider might think I was being overly dramatic in my attempt to do what I felt was right, but my insecure side always tugged the hardest. What if I’m making a mistake? Will this come to be one of my life’s biggest regrets? I’m closing in on another decade, what if I never find my ‘better half’; could I find happiness in a lifetime of loneliness? So many questions and only so many hours to stroll.

As always, I found myself wondering what Cory and Charlotte would do. Charlotte would have spent even more time than I had weighing the pros and cons, ultimately dumping Brian, content with her decision. Cory, on the other hand, would have had fun with him until he wasn’t fun anymore, ultimately replacing him before he even realized he’d been replaced.

I didn’t have Charlotte’s rigid discipline or Cory’s blithe approach toward life, making my decisions seemingly harder. I knew I had to face Brian when he returned, I knew it would be emotionally challenging and I knew I was going to obsess over it and question my decision until it was behind me. Knowing all of this, how could I possibly enjoy the party Cory and Charlotte had worked so hard to prepare? The idea of blinking my eyes and finding my self in another place when I opened them brought a smile to my face, if only for a fleeting moment.



~ ~ ~



It wasn’t often that the girls and I met at our café on a weekday, but today, I almost expected Cory’s early morning invitation. They knew the issues concerning Brian had been weighing heavily on my mind and in true friend fashion; they were there to ease my burden.



“So, are you getting excited?”

I wished I could force even a small amount of the excitement that radiated from Cory.

“I’m trying but I’m a little preoccupied with Brian coming home and what that implies.” Not wanting her to think I had no interest in the party, I added, “But, don’t worry, I’ll kick into fun mode once I’m there.”

“I hope so because right now you’re, like... a real downer, Meg. I think you’ve made the right decision though. I mean, if he’s got you this bummed before the ‘I do’s’...” Thinking better of continuing, Cory let her sentence dangle.

“I know you’re right. It’s just that even though in my heart I know I’m making the right decision, I get these stupid, nagging doubts that maybe I’m making a huge mistake.” I shrugged. “Overly cautious I guess—it’ll pass.”

A scheming look passed between Cory and Charlotte, before Charlotte said, “Yes it will. I predict that by seven o’clock tomorrow evening, Brain will be the last thing on your mind, and...” Raising an eyebrow, she continued, “And... I also predict that after tomorrow night, Brian will be no more than a chalk mark on the blackboard of life.”

I smiled in spite of myself. I didn’t ask what she meant partly because I knew she wouldn’t tell me anyway and partly because at this point, I wasn’t interested enough to ask. As removed as I felt from the thoughts of a party, I knew that once it started, I wouldn’t have to force a smile.