Lily White Lies(37)

“Oh my God, please tell me that I wasn’t really that sappy.”

Neither offered a verbal reply while nodding in unison.

I sat up straight, my tone becoming more serious, and I said, “How did I get so far off track? What I wanted seemed so simple back then.”

Charlotte shut off the television and tossed the remote to the couch. “I think the easier something seems, the harder it actually is.” With a faraway look in her eyes, she added, “At least it’s always been that way for me.”

I shook my head slightly. “I don’t know Char, life hasn’t worked out the way any of us thought it would. You’ve spent years thinking and re-thinking and you’re just now finding happiness. Cory laughs but the world doesn’t always laugh with her and I don’t know what the hell I’ve been doing but I haven’t found any profound answers to life’s questions.” I said the last part of my sentence with humor, to avoid a serious conversation that would darken the mood for the rest of the day.

Charlotte sat catty-corner from me, staring me in the eyes.

“Meg, are you still confused about Brian?”

As much as I didn’t want to talk about him, I felt compelled to answer her question.

“Honestly... yes, a little. I don’t think I love him anymore, I know I’m not happy, but sometimes I think I may be the cause of my own unhappiness.”

She reached over me to the end table and picked up a magazine. Thumbing through it, she stopped when she got to the page she’d been looking for.

“Here, take this home with you.” Ripping the page out, she handed it to me. “After all the years I spent thinking about whether Kevin and I could make it work, I knew the answer as soon as we did this.”

I scanned the page and looked up at her incredulously.

“You’ve got to be kidding? One question... you based your whole future on the answer to one question?”

Cory joined the conversation. “Some question. What was it, ‘do you want to marry me or do you want your dick to fall off in the shower?’”

I laughed at the visual of Cory’s remark.

“Nothing that drastic.” Looking back to me, Charlotte said, “I can’t give you my answer because it might taint yours... it’s supposed to be spontaneous, but I guarantee that if you both answer honestly, you’ll know exactly what to do when you’ve finished.” She hesitated. “And, if it turns out that you and Brian have something worth saving, I promise...” rolling her eyes and distorting her face, she continued, “...I promise, I’ll give the old stuffed-shirt a fair shake, and lay off him.”

I gave brief thought to what she said, and agreed to take the test with Brian as soon as he returned.

Unaware of his trip, she asked, “When will he be back?”

“Friday sometime. Just in time for his party I suppose.”

“Oh, that’s right... the party.”

Cory broke in, “She’s agreed to go ahead with it.”

Charlotte’s satisfaction showed in the smirk she shared with Cory. “You won’t be sorry, Meg.”

That scared me, but in a thrilling sort of way.

Her expression becoming somber, Cory asked, “Charlotte, what would your answer be now—you know, to ‘I want’?”

Charlotte sat back on the couch and gave the question a lot of thought before answering.

“I think I want to stop thinking about what if and start thinking about what is.” Satisfied with her answer, she nodded and turned her attention toward me. “What about you Meg. What would you want?”

I didn’t want to begin another serious discussion relating to my life, so I answered in a humorous half-truth, “I want to do something totally outrageous... something that will shame my family and be talked about for years to come.” Unable to hold a straight face, I giggled and said, “Well, maybe not shame my family!”

“Is it too late to change my answer?” Charlotte joked. Looking at Cory, she said, “What about you?”

She shrugged, “I guess I still want my father to take me as serious as he would have if I’d been a boy.”

Her answer broke my heart. Most people never saw past the infectious smile to the pain she carried. She had come to accept the years of being treated like a china doll with no responsibilities as her lot in life but what she craved most was for her father to see her as more than ‘his little girl’ and give her the opportunity to work side by side with him at the family airport.

Cory wanted nothing more than her father’s respect and approval, I wanted a life of marital harmony and Charlotte wanted to be freer in spirit. It all seemed simple and reasonable but maybe Charlotte was right. The easier something seemed, the harder it was to attain.