Imperfect Truth(47)

Ava Readsalot: I’m so sorry.

Ryder Matthews: Okay

Ava Readsalot: No seriously, this is all I want.

Ava Readsalot: I can’t stand the idea of not having you.

Ava Readsalot: YOU are all I want. I will never tire of you, this feeling will never grow old.

Ryder Matthews: Same.

Ava Readsalot: For the first time in a long time, I feel complete, and that’s because of you.

Ryder Matthews: I feel the same way.



Thank God. My heartbeat starts to regulate as it catches up to my brain. As it realizes Ryder isn’t done with me. I need him to know how much he means to me. I need him to feel the same way.



Ava Readsalot: Does it make you happy?

Ryder Matthews: What?

Ava Readsalot: Knowing you are all I think about?

Ryder Matthews: More than anything.

Ava Readsalot: It’s exhausting thinking of you so much ;-)

Ryder Matthews: Good!

Ava Readsalot: I can think of something else that’s exhausting…

Ryder Matthews: Soon, but you know the rules.



I know what Ryder wants. He wants me to be his. What he doesn’t know is I already am. There is no doubt in my mind that I’m his. The feelings I have toward him transcend space and time. The mere thought of losing him creates a rift in my heart.



LATER THAT DAY, at half past six, I hear the door to the apartment open. I can hear the sounds of Alexandre’s shoes hitting the mahogany floors. He finds me lying in bed reading a book. I don’t run to him; we don’t embrace. Hell, I’m not even sure he sees me at all. He’s lost in thought. He walks right past me and into the bathroom. I hear the sink water running, then the shower.

My own guilty brain wanders. Why does he need a shower? I start to wonder where he was. Who was he with? This trip came out of nowhere, why had I not asked before? Why hadn’t I gotten details? Have we gone so far down the wrong path that I never even cared to ask? I wonder if he was with someone else?

I know I’ve no place to judge, but I’m horrible person. I will die if he is having an affair. I’m smart enough to know that my self-esteem could never take it. The longer I sit the more I need to know…

I barge into the bathroom.

“Who did you go with?”

“What?”

“You heard me, or do I need to speak more clearly?” I suck in my breath. “Who. Did. You. Go. With?”

“I went with Gary—”

“Who’s Gary?”

“He works for Nat.”

“What do you mean he works for Nat?” But before he starts to speak I realize if Gary who works for Natasha was there…

Oh my God. Was Natasha there, as well?

“Are you kidding?” She was there; I know it.

“What?” Really? Is he really this dumb? Do I really need to spell it out for him?

“You went away with Natasha?” I inquire, stressing each word, syllable by syllable.

“It wasn’t like that, it was just business. My dad and her dad—” His words come out calm, nonchalant. There is no hint he has done anything wrong. I want to wring his neck.

“Business.” My words are rough. There is no way to feign ignorance. My anger is evident. I watch as his face falls and realization hits him that I’m really angry.

“I can explain.”

“Alexandre, the time to explain was before you left.”

“Nothing happened.”

“I don’t care. I should have known.”

“Just let me explain,” he pleads, finally understanding he should have told me.

“No,” I shout out like a petulant child. “I can’t believe you.” I jump up from the bed and hurry down the hall.

“Where are you going?” he asks as I walk out the door.

“I’m fucking going for a walk, don’t wait up.” The door echoes through the hallways as I slam it with a fierceness I didn’t know I was capable of. This day keeps getting better and better. First Ryder, now Alexandre.

I wander the streets for hours, walking in countless directions, getting lost in the sound and feelings of the city. Cabs rush by, bar patrons litter the streets for a puff of a cigarette, drunk girls look for the next hot spot. You would never know it’s a Tuesday night. I wander until my feet will not take me further, then I pull out my phone.



Me: Ten seconds, that’s all it took for me to fall truly and madly for you.



I stand there staring at my phone. Willing it to vibrate. I hold it to my chest praying. When one minute turns to five, I place it back in my pocket and start the trek back to my apartment. It’s a little after 11 pm, but you can't tell because the city is in full speed. I approach my apartment making sure to not stop and talk to the doorman as I’m minutes away from breaking down. A tiny thread is holding me together. One pull and I will unravel. I open the door and notice Alexandre asleep on the living room couch. That is enough to let the dam break. I run straight into my room, throwing myself on my white duvet. I let go. I let go of all I’ve been holding on to.