Her Not-So-Secret Diary(34)

He hauled her face to his before she could answer and kissed her. Tasted  her unique sweet caramel flavour, heard her murmured sigh against his  mouth. And all he knew was that he never wanted to let her go again. He  drew back a little to see her better, stroking her cheeks before he took  her hands and held them against his chest.

'Jared.' A shadowed expression crossed her face and her smile faded a little and he knew he'd put those shadows there.

'How long have you been here?' she asked, obviously expecting him to loosen her hands. 'In London, I mean.'

He didn't let her go. 'Just over twenty-four hours.'

'I got your email … ' With a rueful grimace, she shook her head. 'Of course I did or I wouldn't be here … '

An awkward silence suddenly enveloped them. 'Let's go somewhere nearby where we can talk,' he suggested.

'St James's Park,' she said, indicating the way. Already a local, he  thought, and, still holding one trembling hand, he accompanied her along  the footpath.

They had a somewhat stilted conversation while they walked along Pall  Mall. Her job was busy, she loved London. She'd seen the Tower and  Westminster Abbey and been to Brighton on her day off last week. Melissa  was enjoying her new apartment but staying at the house to babysit  Angus. And yes, the mutt was gaining weight. A real personality, no  doubt about that.

But all he could think was how right her hand felt in his, how he'd missed her, how much he wanted her in his life.

They passed through some beautiful ornate gates and, because the ground  was damp, chose a wooden bench facing the lake. Autumn was busy here,  painting a glorious palette of red and brown and gold amongst the green.  A weeping willow on the little island in the lake reflected in the  water. Even the air smelled different.

Sophie breathed in the scents of autumn and Jared. As long as she lived,  she'd never forget this moment. They sat at an angle facing one  another. He'd lost a few kilos. Fatigue shadowed his green eyes but  there was emotion there too. And nerves, she thought, like her. She  waited for him to speak first.

'Sophie.' He paused, then took both her hands and looked into her eyes. 'First off, I love you, Sophie. I'll always love you.'

She blinked up at him. Just for a moment her heart glowed and the whole  world glowed with the wonder of it. A huge ball of emotion lodged in her  throat.

'And knowing that you feel the same way, I have a question. The most  important question I'll ever ask. Sophie Buchanan … will you marry me?' He  squeezed her hands, his green-eyed gaze so tender and true she felt as  if she'd been sliced through the heart, because it couldn't happen-not  with them. She'd told him why.

'No.'

Something flitted across his gaze but he jogged their joined hands  gently on his knees just once. Then he leaned in, pressed a quick but  tender kiss on her lips. 'You told me you loved me-have you changed your  mind already?'

'I …  No.'

'Well, I sure as hell can't think of a single solitary reason why two people who love each other shouldn't get married.'

'You know why. Kids, Jared. You want kids. You … you told me you broke up with Bianca because she didn't want children.'

'Ah, Sophie, Sophie, is that what you thought?' He shook his head,  pressed a kiss to her brow. 'I broke up with Bianca because she didn't  want Melissa as part of the marriage deal. She expected me to shunt her  off to her big sister after we got married and I wouldn't do it. That's  entirely different, honey.'

'Oh … ' It was, it was. Sophie's heart started to gallop.

'Now, is there any other reason?' he said. 'Because if there's not I'm going to ask you to marry me again.'

'You didn't try to stop me leaving, you didn't tell me you loved me when I left.'

'Because I was fighting my feelings. Afraid of how I felt. And I knew  how much you wanted this trip, Sophie. I wouldn't dream of trying to  stop you. After what you told me I needed time to think. I asked myself  if I wanted those kids without you, and the answer is no. Never. You are  my life, Sophie.'                       
       
           



       

She could no longer hold those carefully banked tears back and they  spilled over and down her cheeks. 'I know how much you love kids, what a  great father you'd make … '

Barely a pause, hardly a flicker in his eye. But there was something  steely in the determined jut of his jaw. 'Sophie. We can't have  children. We, plural. Shared. The two of us. Together. I'll say it  again-we can't have children.'

Her tears spilled faster. He'd known, yet still he'd come all the way  across the world for her. Because he loved her. He wanted to marry her.

'Tell me about it,' he begged her softly. 'Did you lose a baby? Is that why you didn't want anything to do with Arabella?'

She sniffed away her tears. 'I'd always wanted children. Glen wanted  children almost as badly as me. But I'd always had problems in that  area. When I didn't fall pregnant they ran tests. The doctors told me it  was unlikely I'd ever conceive even with surgery, I had too much  scarred tissue. And I was only twenty-one.

'Then a miracle happened. I was pregnant.' She looked down at her hands,  remembering the heartache. 'It was an ectopic pregnancy. After … I only  had one tube left and my chances were halved. Practically zero.'

She was conscious of Jared's hand over hers, his quiet empathy. 'Go on,' he murmured.

'Glen didn't see why he should miss out on being a father just because I was only half a woman-'

'Hang on, half a woman? He said that?'

She nodded and felt a tremor run from his hand to hers. 'So he set out  to find a woman who could give him what I couldn't. He didn't consider  being married to me to be an impediment. Apparently he worked his way  through quite a few lovers before he hit the jackpot.'

'Bastard.' The word slid out between clenched teeth.

'I think so.'

'Did you look at other alternatives? IVF, for instance?'

She shook her head. 'Why would Glen want to pay all that money with no  guarantees? A divorce is faster and cheaper. And far easier to go out  and find someone more fertile to father his offspring.'

'I'm not like Glen.' He seemed to choke on the man's name.

She looked into his eyes. 'I know you're not like him. But I've seen you  with Arabella and I know how good you are with babies. You'd want your  own children … '

He shook his head. 'Sophie, maybe under present circumstances we can't  have our own children, but we haven't really given it a go yet, have we?  You talked about your miracle-what makes you think two miracles can't  happen? In the meantime we can look into those alternatives. And if all  else fails, we can foster or adopt. There are always kids in need of  loving homes. You have to remember, you're not alone in this. We're a  team. All you have to do is say you'll marry me.'

'You mean that.' She breathed the wonder of it. 'You really mean it.'

'Don't look so surprised, honey.' Smiling at her, he stroked her hair.  'Of course I do, with all my heart and soul and everything that I have.'

'I love you too, and I don't want to be without you but it's taken me years to get here … I … haven't finished yet.'

'That's okay. I've taken leave. I've never taken leave so I reckon I  deserve it. And I've got a nice suite for the two of us in a top hotel  with a view of the Thames a ten-minute walk from your place of work.  That is if you still want to work …  Or would you rather travel the UK and  Europe in style? With me.'

'Oh … ' A whole new world was opening up to her. A world with Jared by her side …

'You don't have to be alone any more, Sophie. Let me be a part of your  decisions. Let's make those plans together. Paris, Rome,  Florence … wherever you want to go. As long as we go home together when  we're done.'

Home. And she realised that was what she wanted, more than anything. To  have this man-the man she loved-sharing her life. The good times … and the  bad. She could still maintain her independence. She knew Jared would  support her one hundred per cent in whatever she chose to do.

She looked up into his eyes warm with love. 'Yes,' she murmured, then louder, clearer, firmer, 'Yes. I'll marry you.'

The visitors to St James's Park might have looked on in amusement as he  let out a joyous whoop then rose, hauling her up with him. 'Right  answer,' he murmured, before laying his mouth against hers. Then, lips  locked, he managed to twirl her around three times before setting her  down.                       
       
           



       

He grabbed her hand once more and they began retracing their steps back to the Mall. 'Do you think you can get the evening off?'

'We have the afternoon … '





EPILOGUE




Two years later

SOPHIE smiled as she glanced out of the kitchen window while she stirred  the gravy for their traditional lamb roast dinner. She loved lazy  Sunday afternoons when all the family was here. Lissa and Jared were  playing ball with a chubby little Arabella and a much larger Goldie  while Angus chased and barked joyously between their feet. Crystal and  Ian watched on under the shade of an umbrella.