Her Not-So-Secret Diary(28)

She felt a twitch of irritation between her shoulder blades but Enzo was  a typical family-oriented Italian and she needed to remember that for  Jared, too, family was everything. She pasted on a smile. 'I'm not  trying to catch a guy, Enzo.'

His brows shot up. 'No? What about babies? A little Jared? Or a little Soph-'

'No.' She cut him off. The images he was conjuring jabbed at her heart. 'I'm-ah, Melissa's arrived.'

Enzo turned. 'Good morning, Melissa.'

'Good morning.' Melissa exchanged a quick sisterly kiss with Enzo then  sat, smoothing her flyaway red hair behind her ears. 'I'm late. Sorry.'  She beamed at Sophie. 'This is so exciting getting you to help me  organise things. Perhaps we should let Enzo carry on with his own work  while we come up with a few ideas first?'

'Good idea.'

'I'll let you two get on with it.' He poured Melissa a coffee. 'Give me a call when you're ready.'

'Mmm, smells heavenly. Thanks, Enzo. I have a few suggestions … ' Melissa pulled out a notebook.

Sophie switched on her laptop. 'That's a good start.' She could see a  variety of quick and clever sketches as Melissa flipped through for the  page she was looking for.

'Got it,' Melissa said finally, and reached into her bag for a pen. 'Ready.'

'Okay.' Sophie's fingers hovered over the keyboard. 'What kind of party were you thinking of?'





CHAPTER THIRTEEN




THE rest of the week passed in a flash for Sophie. She and Melissa had  come up with plenty of ideas for Sophie to chase up, and, being  virtually last minute, the invitations had to be printed and sent  pronto. She wondered why Jared had left it so late-if it had been an  idea he'd had on the spur of the moment or whether he'd been too busy  and forgotten.

The evenings were spent together in her apartment, but sometimes if he  finished work early they went out for dinner or caught a movie. He  surprised her one night at a club where she discovered he was a pretty  cool dancer.

One thing didn't change. They couldn't keep their hands off each other.  Sometimes it was in a rush of heat and energy, at other times the mood  was slow and lazy. Always both familiar and sparkling new. Always  exciting.

She let her fun, flirtatious side fly and kept her darker emotions  firmly bolted down. There'd be a time when she'd have to take them out  and confront them, and that time loomed like a storm on the horizon.                       
       
           



       

The phone rang late on Saturday afternoon. According to Jared, Crystal  and Ian were taking a well-deserved break and were having dinner out,  Jared's treat. He was babysitting Arabella for a few hours and would see  Sophie around eleven p.m.

Sophie was relieved that he hadn't asked her to join him at Crystal's  place. She didn't want the ordeal of seeing baby Arabella again. Last  night she and Jared had been to a concert in Brisbane and hadn't arrived  home till after midnight. She'd spent the day sorting through stuff and  packing and they had no definite plans for this evening.

So when the buzzer sounded around seven while Sophie was ironing, she  was unprepared for the sight of Jared and baby Arabella at her front  door.

He smiled at Sophie, and with Arabella tucked up against him, her tiny  face over his heart, Sophie's own heart felt as if it were being  squeezed in a vice. That was Sophie's favourite place too.

Stupid to be jealous of a baby. To be jealous of Jared because it was  all so easy for him, so natural, so inevitable that he'd probably have  his own baby in a few years and she'd never have the chance. Stupid to  be so jealous she wanted to lash out at him for her own inadequacies.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She bit her lip. She was not going to cry. Not in front of Jared. Never  in front of Jared. He held a baby capsule in his free hand. Sophie did  not offer to help. 'What are you doing here?'

'I couldn't get her to settle,' was his excuse. 'I thought a drive might help.'

Arabella's eyes were closed, the eyelids so fragile they were almost  transparent. Sophie wanted to reach out and touch the silky,  sweet-smelling skin. To snatch her away and cuddle her against her own  breast. Over her own heart. 'She looks just fine to me.'

Looking away, Sophie walked back to her ironing task, leaving Jared to put the capsule down so that he could close the door.

'She is. Now,' he said, bringing baby and carrier to the sofa. 'The car's motion put her to sleep.'

'Great.' She smoothed a blouse over the ironing board. 'So what's the problem?'

'But she woke the moment I stopped,' he went on. 'So I've been walking  up and down your street for the past fifteen minutes. She's just dropped  off again but I've got a sneaky feeling she's going to wake up the  moment I put her in her capsule and I only have one bottle of milk  left.'

'Then don't.' Please don't. She didn't want to have to notice her. A  newborn's cry set off emotions she didn't want to deal with. Especially  not with Jared watching on.

'I have to, Sophie, so I can get her stuff out of the car. Unless you want to hold her?'

She picked up the iron, swiped it over the garment in front of her. 'Try putting her in her capsule first.'

'Didn't think so,' he murmured, almost to himself. He peeled Arabella  off him with the greatest care and laid her in her carrier. She snuffled  but didn't wake. 'I'll get her gear. Be back in a jiff.' Then he was  gone.

And in the perverse way of things, Arabella woke at that moment with a  snorting noise that quickly turned to hiccuping sobs and finally one  piercing wail.

Sophie told herself the baby was perfectly safe, that the sound was  normal baby noise. That Jared would be back any moment. She closed her  eyes as another howl rent the air and tried to resist but … oh, it was  like … telling your heart to stop beating.

When Sophie turned, the little face was scrunched up and red, her tiny  fists were waving in the air. And, oh …  It seemed … it seemed Sophie's legs  had a will of their own.

She knelt beside the sofa, reached out a finger. Her heart thumped fast  against her ribs. Everything inside her yearned. Just one touch …  One  touch of that petal skin …  So smooth, so silky.

The moment Sophie stroked a finger down the infant's cheek, all noise  ceased instantly and Arabella stared at her with barely focused eyes.  For a beat out of time Sophie froze. Then she caressed her again. Leaned  closer to smell that baby scent of powder and milk, to curve her palm  over the soft fuzzy scalp.

And forgot she didn't go near babies.

'Hush little baby, don't you cry … ' She sang the lyrics so quietly she  barely heard herself. But Arabella heard. And she seemed entranced, her  tiny mouth open, her eyes … Sophie swore they knew her.

No. She bit her lip to stop the tears. Why was fate so cruel? To give  her such a gift and at the same time to take her ability to have babies  away? It wasn't fair.

Yet she was still a woman, she reminded herself. Jared had shown her  that. For the first time in five years he'd made her feel like a woman,  feminine and desired and cherished.                       
       
           



       

But as she gazed down at the infant, the doubt demons perched on her  shoulder. Would he still feel the same way if he knew? To be rejected  again, to see the man she'd fallen in love with look at her as less … she  didn't think she'd ever get over it.

Jared came to a halt inside the doorway. Sophie was leaning towards the  baby capsule, her hand fisted against her mouth and a moment's alarm  slid through him. 'Sophie?'

She whirled to him, eyes wide and panicked before she blanked the emotion and said, 'She seems to be settled now.'

He hadn't seen her touch the infant but he could've sworn he'd witnessed … something.

And in that blinding moment of clarity he'd seen his future flash before him.

A future that included Sophie. A home. And kids.

Home and kids? He wasn't near ready for any of that and shook his head to clear it. 'Sophie, wh-'

'I'm sorry to run out on you.' She glanced at her watch, then yanked the  iron's cord from the wall socket and picked up a little black blouse  from the ironing board. 'But I wasn't expecting you yet. I'm meeting  friends for a drink this evening since you weren't coming by till  eleven. Feel free to stay here for a while though … '

As long as you and the baby are gone when I get back. He read those  words in her expression as clear as glass, in the lack of eye contact,  her jerky movements. 'You didn't say you were going out.'

'I'm not meeting a guy, if that's what you're thinking.'

'No,' he said carefully, 'that's not what I'm thinking.'

She held the blouse up and inspected it. 'I wasn't aware we had to account to each other for every moment of our time.'

No strings. Wasn't that the exact kind of relationship he wanted? Damn it. 'Is that what you think this is about, Sophie?'

'Jared.' Her fists tightened on the garment she held and now her eyes  found his. Locked on his and pleaded with him. 'Let's just enjoy our  last few days?' Her appeal was like a tangible presence in the room with  them. 'Please?'