Finding Eden(30)

"Sleep here," I blurted out, moving toward her and gripping her arms as she turned around. There was no way I could watch her walk out my door. The thought of it alone filled me with terror, just as it had earlier at the gallery. "Stay with me. Don't leave."

She shook her head, looking around. "I'm not leaving you. I'm just not going to sneak around with you. You have a life." She bit her lip, looking down. "I don't blame you for that. But—"

"I know," I said, feeling as if my heart was breaking open in my chest. "We deserve more than that."

"Yes," she said.

My phone buzzed again and I closed my eyes tightly and then opened them. Eden glanced at the phone and then back at me. "You need to go home, too," she said quietly. Her voice had a hitch at the word home and it felt like a splinter to my heart.

"I want you, Eden. I've never wanted anyone except for you," I said quietly. "I'm so damn sorry for this situation."

Eden took a deep breath and gave me a small, sad smile. "My mom is throwing some small garden party tomorrow for me." She shook her head. "Just some really close friends who can be discreet about me returning. Anyway, I should be done with that at six o'clock or so. Maybe we can get together?" she asked, running her tongue over her bottom lip.

"Yeah, of course," I said, "I mean, anything, just tell me. Tell me what to do here," I said, noting the desperation in my own voice. "I don't know what to do here."

She studied me for a minute and then she nodded. "I'll call you when it's over."

"Okay." My phone buzzed again and I almost went over to it and smashed it beneath my foot.

Eden must have seen the anger on my face because she said softly, "She's innocent in this situation, too." I stared at her. Still my compassionate girl.

I let out a harsh breath and ran my hand through my hair and said, "Yeah."

Eden leaned forward and kissed me softly and it was everything I could do not to grab her by her shoulders and force her to stay in my apartment. I felt desperate and miserable and joyful all at the same time.

After a few minutes, Eden's phone beeped and she looked down at it. "That's Molly," she said. All I could do was nod. She smiled one more small smile at me and then we moved together, wrapping our arms around each other and just standing that way for what seemed like a long time, but not nearly long enough. When she finally pulled away, she gave me one last sad smile and then the door clicked behind her.

I walked back through my apartment, finally sinking down to the floor against the same wall we'd sat against together. I spread my legs out straight and just breathed. I couldn't think of much else to do.

After a while I reached for my phone and texted Madison, telling her I was staying at my apartment. Then I turned it off. I sat back, pressing my wounded back against the wall, closing my eyes in relief at the small flash of pain. That's where I finally fell asleep close to dawn.



**********



I woke up with a stiff neck and a pounding in my head. I sat up slowly and realized that the pounding was actually coming from my front door. I pulled myself to a standing position and massaged my neck as I walked toward the banging. "Hold on!" I yelled, my voice cracking like it usually did first thing in the morning. I cleared my throat and swung the door open. Madison.

She walked straight through the door, looking around, then turned and faced me. "Is she here?"

"No," I said softly, walking toward the kitchen where I had a small battery-powered coffee pot and some coffee. I went about the business of brewing a pot as Madison stood at the counter and watched me. She didn't say a word. Once I was done and the smell of coffee started filling the room, I leaned against the counter facing Madison. "I'm sorry," I said.

Hurt skittered across her features and she nodded, looking down. I walked over to her and took her in my arms, hugging her to me. "I'm sorry," I repeated. I didn't know what else to say.

We stood there for a while like that until her hands started roaming up my back, kneading the muscles, and her lips came to my throat, feathering kisses along the skin. I pulled away. "Mad . . ."

She dropped her hands to her sides, letting them hang loosely there. "What? I can't touch you anymore?"

I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath and then met her eyes. "No. I'm sorry, no."

"Why?" she asked, her expression pained. I felt like the biggest asshole on the face of the earth.

"Because if you touch me now, I'm cheating on her. And I would never cheat on her." I grimaced. It was the truth, but I hated hurting Madison. She'd been nothing but good to me. I cared about her.