Finding Eden(28)

She wrapped her arms around my waist and leaned in to my body. I took a minute to let my soul rejoice, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of her hair.

"Xander told me how you got out," she said in a whisper.

I nodded, pulling her closer, allowing myself to remember. "When I was dragged to that cell, I was mostly unconscious. I . . . well, you saw the state I was in. I'd been shot, too. I didn't even realize it until I tried to stand." She looked up at me sadly, but didn't say anything. After a second, she laid her head back down on my shoulder. "I lost a lot of blood, but I only have a scar to show for it now." I sighed out, going silent for a minute. Eden waited.

"I thought I was going to die. I figured it was a given. And I almost felt a certain . . . acceptance. I came to here and there and I heard the screams. I just kept thinking that you were out there somewhere among them, and it tore my guts out, Eden. I don't even want to go back there in my mind to describe it to you."

She squeezed my waist and said very quietly. "It's okay, you don't have to. I know."

I nodded, feeling the sadness settle around me. "I'm so sorry. What you went through. And I wasn't there."

She looked up at me again and put her fingers to my lips. "There was literally not one more thing you could have done. You fought with all your might, everything you had in you. You don't think I know that?"

"And it wasn't enough!" I choked out.

She let go of my waist and turned toward me and put her forehead to mine and we just breathed together for a minute. "It was enough. We're both here. Do you see that now? It was enough. Whatever we did, it ended up being enough. We've already forgiven each other. Maybe we can manage to forgive ourselves now, too."

Tears were running down Eden's face again and she swiped at them. "Hector put us both in the only two places in that hellhole where there was enough air to survive. The gods forgot to mention that little tidbit of information to him." She let out a very small, humorless laugh. I looked up at her and then laughed a small laugh, too.

We were both silent for a minute. "The cave in," she finally said. "Were you conscious then?"

"No. After the screaming, I don't remember anything until I heard Xander's voice above me. He says I was banging something and that's how he knew where to look for me in the debris, but I don't remember that. The next thing I knew, I was waking up at a friend of Kristi's." He grimaced. "I didn't even want to be alive. I was so damned pissed I was alive. I think I still was, until about two hours ago."

Eden sighed, shaking her head and bringing her hand to my cheek again for a second before bringing it away. "I know about that, too," she whispered.

We were both silent, just staring into each other's eyes for a few moments. "Tell me the rest," she finally said.

"Kristi's former roommate was a medical student. She told him a story about me being in a gang. Anyway," I sighed, running my hand through my hair, "he fixed me up the best he could and a week later, Xander and I got on a bus and came here."

A look of grief passed over Eden's features and she shook her head slowly. "Three years and we've been in the same city all along."

I felt the same grief and regret fill my chest. "Yeah," was all I could manage to croak out.

We were both quiet for a minute. "Eden . . ." I looked into her eyes. "You know it was my water system that caused the flood, right?" I already figured she must. The re-enactment of what the police thought happened that day had been on the news over and over again. Of course, they weren't there. We were. And only I knew that they had gotten a few things wrong.

Eden's expression gentled. "It was Hector who caused the flood. He just happened to use your water system to . . . deliver the water from the rising river right over the cellar so that when the rain came . . ." She trailed off, not finishing that thought.

I put my head down and massaged the back of my neck. "I built that system." I looked up at her. "And Eden, Hector didn't rig it. I'm the one who kicked it over. It wasn't Hector, it was me. I kicked it over in a fit of rage."

Eden blinked at me. "Oh, Calder," she whispered.

"See, it was my fault. If I hadn't done that, all those people—"

"Stop," she said, her voice rising. "You didn't do that on purpose, you had no way of knowing what would happen. That is not your burden to bear." She brought her fingers to my chin and tipped my face up so that I was looking straight into her face again. "That system was your longing for more, Calder. That system was beautiful, despite what happened. I'll never believe anything different."