Finding Eden(32)

"Mad—"

Madison shook her head and waved a hand in front of her. "I'm going to go now. Call me later, okay?" She looked at me gently, smoothing her skirt down her thighs. She stepped around the counter and kissed me on the cheek, then took a deep breath and turned.

"Wait, Madison," I said, setting my own cup down and walking quickly around the counter. She turned, the look on her face simultaneously hurt and calm. "Please know that I never, ever wanted to hurt you," I said lamely. "You've been so good to me in every way. I'll never stop appreciating all the ways you helped me, and I don't just mean with my art."

She closed her eyes and seemed to need the moment to work out her response. She then looked down at the floor. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes and she nodded her head. "Talk to you soon." Then she turned on her heels and walked out my door.

I stood staring at the closed door, trying to sort out my mind. Was Madison right? Did Eden and I have a future? I had failed her once. I wouldn't do it again. I scrubbed my hands down my face and went back to the kitchen to finish my coffee and figure out my life.





CHAPTER SIX




Eden



I stepped into the hot shower, my mind focused on Calder the entire time. I didn't know what to think about the night before. My mind was a jumbled mess of confusion and I'd felt on the verge of tears since I'd left the gallery the day before, not entirely from sadness or despair, but just from the barrage of emotions that kept hitting me every other minute. It was overwhelming and exhausting and I'd stayed in bed until just a few minutes before. It was already past noon.

I had put my phone on my bedside table, expecting Calder would have at least texted me when he woke up. He hadn't. I didn't know what to think about that.

We'd had sex. I paused in the process of lathering my hair and bit my lip as the water rained down over me. He'd cheated on his girlfriend with me. Something about that thought made me scream inside. How on the gods' green earth could he and I ever be classified as cheating? But, technically . . . I groaned and resumed lathering my hair. It hadn't even felt like sex exactly. Or at least, it hadn't felt like the point of it was sexual satisfaction. It'd felt like a desperate clawing need to be joined in any and every way possible. Anguish gripped me when I considered the fact that that might be the last time we ever touched intimately.

I dried myself off and stood in front of the mirror in my underwear and bra, turning on the hair dryer and beginning to dry my long hair. I met my own eyes in the mirror. "He's alive," I said quietly to myself. "And that might have to be enough." I stifled a sob.

He had moved on with his life. And if he was happy, could I really ask him to throw it all away for me? We had loved each other once, desperately. I didn't doubt that. And for me, he'd always, always be the love of my life. But we were different people now. Fate had ended us. Could we pick right back up where we left off? Was it even possible? Grief hit me so intensely that I lost my breath for a minute and I set the hairdryer down and leaned against the sink, just drawing in one breath after the next.

Once I'd collected my emotions, I pulled my hair up into what I thought was a sleek ponytail and straightened my bangs. That humongous flower on the dress my mom had bought wasn't going to allow me to wear my hair down, at least not if I didn't want my hair to get eaten alive by it.

I heard a knock and called, "Come in."

Molly opened the door, beautiful in a deep blue, strapless dress, her hair curled and hanging loose. I jealously took in her simple, elegant beauty. I wasn't going to look quite as elegant in the little girl dress my mom had chosen. But I could hardly muster up any anger over it when my heart was so filled with confusion.

Molly hugged me, holding me away from her for a minute. "Are you okay?" she asked, taking me in worriedly.

I breathed out, but then my face crumpled and I shook my head, no.

"Oh Eden," Molly said, hugging me again. "I can't even imagine what you're going through. It's unbelievable." She pulled away, holding my arms. "But he's alive," she whispered, her eyes growing large in her face. "You were just telling me about him, and now you've found out he's alive."

I nodded, sniffling. "I know, I know," I said. "And that's what I have to focus on. The rest . . ."

Molly stepped away. "Yeah . . . the rest." She bit her lip. "That's going to be the hard part."

I nodded, taking in a big breath and letting it out.

"Do you think you'll be okay going to this party today?" She frowned. "I told Carolyn she should cancel it, but she thinks it will do you good." She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Carolyn has a tendency to see things the way she wants to see them sometimes. She means well . . . mostly. I filled her in on what I knew about Calder."