Don't Follow Me: A High School Bully Romance (Diamond In The Rough Book 4)(9)
“I’ll be back soon,” I whispered.
I walked back into my bathroom and unplugged the tub. I let it drain as I pulled out towels, tossing them onto the wet floor. I mopped it up as much as I could before I turned on the fan. I gathered everything wet--including our clothes--and walked it out to the dryer. I tossed everything in with a nice dryer sheet before getting it all started. Then I turned on my bedroom fan to try and help dry up what was still damp in the bathroom.
And as I curled up next to Rae for the night, I smiled.
Thankful to have her in my arms for the night again.
7
Raelynn
As I scanned groceries through my kiosk, the beep forced me to register my future. I only had one more week left of working here before I was done. For good. I had decided to take the last couple weeks of summer vacation to pack and enjoy the road trip with my friends and Clint. Even if it meant staring down the barrel of some decisions I knew would make life with my mother a living nightmare. While I wanted to spend quality time with her--and I would--inevitably, I knew what topic would come up.
The topic of money.
It was my mother’s favorite thing to discuss.
“I can pay you back once one of these applications go through.”
Yeah. The applications she put in months ago.
“I’m doing some odd jobs for people around the neighborhood. So I can carry the light bill if you get the water bill.”
Yeah, except she paid it late and I had to foot the late fee because she couldn't afford it.
“Why don’t we go out to lunch? There’s a great Mexican place across town, and I know how much you love Mexican.”
“No, you love Mexican, Mom. I enjoy Italian.”
“What was that, sweetie?”
I whipped my eyes up and saw an eldery woman standing in front of me. I smiled at her and took the money from her hand, then charged her out. I counted her change out in her hand before bidding her a good evening. Then I silently chastised myself.
I had to stay out of my mind so I could get through this damn shift.
Rationally, I knew I was being an idiot about this. School really wasn’t all that far away. And all I had to do was keep telling Mom that. I needed to help her put in some applications. Or simply leave. Like Clint told me to do. I guess our situations were a bit different. Mom was expecting me to contribute and Cecilia didn’t have that same expectation of him. I just--
I wanted so badly for Mom to change.
I wanted her to be the mom I knew she could be. The mom I knew she wanted to be. I mean, yeah. I was proud of her for keeping up with her therapy appointments. But things had stopped changing. It was almost like she reverted. Or morphed into a similarly toxic version of someone different.
I don't know. I was confusing myself at this point.
Just focus on work. Then on packing. Then on the road trip.
“I can do that,” I whispered.
“So! Ready for the next big step?”
Pauline jumped up to my register and it snapped me out of my trance.
“What?” I asked.
She giggled. “The next step, silly. College? You know, the big leagues?”
I felt homesick just thinking about. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Oh, come on. It won’t be that bad. What are you going to be studying?”
I sighed. “Pauline, I’m really not--”
“Please, please, please, please, please?”
Why was she hired again? “English.”
“Oh, nice. Whatcha wanna do with it?”
“I want to teach elementary school kids.”
“Shouldn't you be getting an education degree, then?”
“Those classes don’t come into play until junior year. Still have to declare a major other than ‘education’ until then.”
“Gotta have a specialty. Got it. Nice.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Nice.”
“So are you excited?”
I sighed. “Not really.”
“Why not? I’ve heard college is great. Lots of parties. Lots of boys. Lots of friends to make and food to eat. Sounds like paradise, if you ask me.”
Not when you’re losing friends over it. “I’m sure it does.”
“Have you always wanted to teach kids?”
“No.”
“Have you always wanted to do English?”
“No.”
“So, what made you make that decision with your degree?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. It just seemed right.”
Pauline nodded. “Nice.”
In truth, I didn’t know if I was making the right decisions. But I did enjoy English. It was the only subject in school I didn’t hate. And kids were fantastic. So why not combine them? Seemed logical enough. I didn't have any other passions. I mean, other than the graphic design. But I didn’t figure out until I enrolled in this fucking college that they only had a graphic design minor. Not major.
My fucking luck.
I don't know, I felt pressured into going to college. With all this confusion, I heavily leaned toward taking a year off there for a bit. Staying behind. Hanging out with Clint. Continuing to work at the grocery store and helping Mom with the house. But the scholarships I ended up snagging paid for my first year of college if I enrolled this year. I couldn't postpone them, or defer them. I had to use them or lose them.
Talk about extra pressure when trying to figure out my life.
I mean, I hadn’t even turned nineteen yet! What was the rush? Why did I have to have everything figured out by the time I was eighteen? That didn’t make any sense. In some respects, I still wasn’t seen as an adult. Sure, legally I could sign my name on shit. But that was it. I still couldn’t rent a car, or a hotel room, or drink. Was I really adult enough to be making decisions that would affect the rest of my life?
How fucked up was that?
But Clint had a good point. Everything was a chance. A risk. And I could either take it or not. This degree felt the safest, along with my graphic design minor. So, why not? And despite Mom not wanting me to leave her, ever, she was excited about me wanting to pursue something with my ‘doodles,’ as she called them.
It was selfish of me to ask for more than that.
“All right, spit it out,” Pauline said.
I blinked. “Spit what out?”
“What’s bothering you so badly. You're zoning out in your shifts. You’re not paying attention to the customers. I know a distracted person when I see them. My father’s always distracted.”
I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“No, no, no! Not a bad thing. Just an observation. There’s something on your mind. Why don’t you talk about it?”
I shrugged. “Don’t want to.”
“I think it might help if you do, though.”
I sighed. “Pauline, I really--”
“Come on. You know you can trust me. I’m your co-worker. I see you during your shifts. We talk on our breaks. I’ve got your back, girl.”
Fine, whatever. “I just don’t know why I have to have it all figured out now is all.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I mean--I’m only eighteen, right?”
“Right.”
“So what’s the issue with taking a year off? Why do I have to be pressured to take scholarship money now or lose it forever? Am I not worth their money in a year? What’s up with that?”
“You make a good point.”
“And, fucking hell, I’m leaving the only place I’ve ever known. I’m leaving my friends behind. My mom. My boyfriend. And I don’t even know if he wants to come with me! Or meet up with me eventually! For all I know, I go off to college and that’s that.”
She whistled lowly. “Sounds like you need to talk with him.”
“Yeah, well. He’s got his own shit going on. And don’t get me started about leaving this job. I don’t even have a job on that end yet. What if I don’t find one? It’s not like my mother has money to give me. If anything, I’m giving her money!”
“Mooching mothers. That’s some shit right there.”
“Yeah. It is. And to top it all off? I don’t even know if I’m going to want to teach once I get out of school. I might graduate with this expensive degree and then want to do something completely different. Something with graphic design and art. I’ll really be shit out of luck, then.”
“Why don’t you do graphic whatever instead?”
“The college I’m going to only has a minor in it.”
She nodded. “Well, fuck.”
“Yeah. Fuck.”
I sighed, but with relief. It felt good dumping this on to someone instead of letting it swim around in my head. But why was it easier to talk to my annoying twenty-two-year-old coworker than it was my friends? Or Clint?
“You want my advice?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Try your best.”
“I think you still have plenty of time to change your mind. I mean, even if you decide at the beginning to pursue English with education or whatever, your first two semesters are going to be used to get requirements out of the way. Math. Science. Shit like that. And if you figure out that school isn’t for you at all, you can drop out and get most of your money back if you don’t complete the semester.”
I blinked. “Don’t I pay for the whole year upfront, though?”
She shook her head. “Nope. They bill you by semester.”
Huh.
“Look, I’ve been where you are. I went to school to become a vet tech. I mean, my entire life I dreamt of working with animals. Night after night. I thought it was my life’s calling, you know. And then I got into school and realized I couldn't handle sick animals. Too emotionally taxing. And gross.”