Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1)(31)

“Changed it; you wouldn’t be able to pronounce my birth name,” he quipped.

“And it was?” I pried.

“Járngrímr, it means iron. It’s a mouthful and while back home it was a fairly common name, here in the states it wasn’t something I wanted to listen to people trip over saying.”

I moved from the water and gave him my back as he worked his way up to where his clothes lay. He was silent as he dressed. I shoved my legs into my jeans and turned toward him as I felt his eyes on me.

My eyes feasted on the tendrils of water that dripped from his immaculate chest. I looked up to his right pectoral where a raven was perched, tattooed into his flesh. “The raven, what’s it stand for?” I asked noting the outline for the map of Scandinavia on this other peck.

“In mythology it was used for a gateway between life and death, but most who saw the raven believed that it was linked to the God Odin. They believed the raven was his eyes and ears in the realm of the living, so they would always appear in pairs before a great battle. In the Pacific Northwest, it was a talisman to the Indians.”

“Is that why you have two of them?” I asked, noting the one on his arm was perched on a skull. I’d absently stepped closer to him, now within touching distance; if he noted this, he did well hiding it. I lifted my hand and ran it over raven and moved it to the script-looking words. “And this?” I asked as his flesh tensed beneath my touch.

His hand flew to mine, and gripped it hard as his eyes watched my response. “Careful, Emma, I’m trying very hard to be a gentleman and walk away from you. Don’t make me do something we might both regret later.”

I smiled. “You sound way older than you look,” I turned and headed back for my shirt—but didn’t make it there before his hand pulled me back. “Emma, how many men have you laid with?” My jaw opened in surprise at his question, seeing that he seemed to be pretty singular in what he wanted.

“Not sure why you’re asking, Jaeden, didn’t you say it’s just fucking?” I teased, but froze when I caught a flash of anger in his eyes as the muscle in his jaw ticked wildly. His grip tightened on my arm, which caused my eyes to flare in panic. I was heading into fight or flight, and the only thing that kept me from running away was his own eyes widening as he realized his grip had tightened painfully on my arm. His features softened for a moment and then confusion registered on his face.



“Emma, you should go,” he muttered distractedly as he dropped my arm and turned to bend over and grab his remaining clothes. ”Du bedre kjøre hjem, før jeg glemmer hvem jeg er og ta det jeg vil ha.” **

My jaw dropped at the tinge of anger in his voice and sudden shift in personality. I watched his back as I wondered what the heck had just happened. What had I done wrong to make him act like this?



* ”Jeg ønsker å begrave min kuk så dypt inne i deg, søt jente.”

“I want to bury my cock so deep inside you, sweet girl.”



**”Du bedre kjøre hjem, før jeg glemmer hvem jeg er og ta det jeg vil ha.”

“You better run home, before I forget who I am and take what I want.”





Chapter 16





The next week seemed to go by slowly, but it was very productive as everyone worked together to help gather supplies. Lachlan’s people melded easily with our group. I hadn’t seen Dawson since that uncomfortable incident at the pond and wondered where he had been sent, or if I needed to worry that he would be back.

Lachlan remained his usual likable self; often trying to charm or tease me, yet I could sense that some of it was an act. His men had also been watching me closely everywhere I went. It was as if they knew something wasn’t quite right with me and they were prepared to take action if I should step one toe out of line. Secretly, I was uncomfortably afraid that they might jump the gun and do me in as I also knew in my heart that something wasn’t right with me.

Mental snapshots of bizarre images kept flashing through my mind and I was terrified to speak to Addy or anyone else about it. No matter how hard I had been trying to adjust since the missing weeks, I still couldn’t get comfortable. I felt like I’d been crawling out of my skin, as if something I couldn’t put my finger on was changing along with my senses. It was growing worse with every passing day.

One afternoon, Lachlan suggested that we might want to boost everyone’s spirits by having regular Friday night parties, which I’d thought was idiotic but it had a positive vibe and effect on the people that I just couldn’t argue with.

Tonight I’d dressed in my old scavenging uniform of mask, black fatigues, and combat boots to patrol the area and make sure that everyone was safe. I didn’t join in on the frolicking, for lack of better description, much to Lachlan’s irritation. He tried to convince me that I could use a night off, but seriously, it wasn’t safe here anymore and while I could agree with his reasoning for the party, I couldn’t enjoy myself.

Earlier in the week, we’d found bodies savagely dismembered and left in places that suggested we were meant to find them. It was as if someone was baiting us, or trying to scare the shit out of us…and it was working. Except for this evening, when Lachlan set up a sound system and brought everyone outside to party. He’d even supplied alcohol, which I thought should be saved for medical purposes…His men had laughed as if it was one of the funniest things they’d ever heard.

I walked through the crowd of people until I reached the tree that had the best view of the land that surrounded the shelter. I climbed it with purpose and sat on one of the highest branches that would hold my weight. I looked out at the silent woods, noting each of the sentries Lachlan had posted to safeguard the group. My mind wandered as I kept watch and as usual, my thoughts came around to Jaeden.

He’d either forgotten about me, or decided I wasn’t worth the chase anymore. I hadn’t seen him at all this week and I actually missed him. All the way back to the shelter, he barely spoke to me and seemed to be bothered about something, and I wasn’t sure if it was something I had said. I also noticed that since that afternoon, Lachlan had been trying to impress me.

It was working, and with each passing day, I did warm up a bit more to him. But, there was still this sick infatuation I had for Jaeden. I felt as though there was in invisible string that kept pulling me to him, several times I almost found myself heading in the direction of the estate he and his men had appropriated, only to catch myself and try to find something else to occupy myself with. Each of them had qualities I was drawn to, yet really had no experience with. Lachlan was self-assured, charming, smart, and protective. While Jaeden had those qualities as well, he was also crass and demanding. If I was smart, I’d go with Lachlan, who I knew would be gentle with me for my first time. But I didn’t want gentle, I wanted Jaeden and his friggin’ dirty mouth.

The things he’d done to me, and the way he demanded I do things was intensely hot. I’d known he was into control, and I’d give him as much as I could, which wasn’t much…but I was willing to try.

A movement in my peripheral caught my attention, and the hair at the back of my neck stood up. All of my senses were screaming at me that something wasn’t as it should be. Alert. Defend. Fight. I looked down to the group who was dancing and drinking. “Idiots,” I growled as I started to descend from the trees. I sniffed the air and my body vibrated with a sense of dread that I couldn’t interpret. Something was moving through the woods at an alarming speed. I hit the ground with a thud and kicked out as the first red eyed wolf broke from the thicket.



It was so quick that I wasn’t even sure I’d killed it. As if a switch was flipped, everything began to move in slow motion for me, and I could see in the dark as well as I could in the day. One second I’d kicked out at the first wolf, and the next I’d brought two knives out of my pants, and had driven a blade into a second wolf’s guts. Another one lunged, and I barely avoided being hit by its wicked claws, and the knife I’d held fell to the ground. I heard screaming, but ignored it as I brought my hands up, grabbed with sure hands, and snapped the wolf’s neck.

The next one bit my arm, and I could have sworn I’d heard the bone snap, but couldn’t have since my arm felt fine. I palmed the waistband of my pants, brought out the small Sig Sauer, and shot it at point blank range. Blood splattered over my face and God knew what else. A fifth one lowered its head and growled. I moved forward to strike at it, but it took off before I could.

I looked back at the group which was now gone and only Lachlan and his men remained. They stood staring at me as if I’d grown horns and a tail. I looked from them to the dead wolves and blanched. My heart stopped beating. My blood ran cold, because there were no wolves at my feet—they were humans. I choked on tears as I took in the carnage, wondering if I was losing it.

“I killed wolves, not humans. Not humans,” I whispered brokenly. I was losing it. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them as I fell to my knees. “You saw it, right?”

“Emma, ye should come away from them,” Lachlan whispered, as if the dead would rise. He held his hands out to me and I stared blankly.