Being Kalli(78)

I don’t tell Scout any of this. Instead, I reply with a, “Whatever, let’s go and prepare.”

I’m back to the highs and lows of falling in love. Oh, the woes. We walk back silently, my thoughts louder than ever, reminding me that maybe Nate was right and I’m waiting for, picking out opportunities for things to go wrong.

I’m so used to things going wrong for me.

We have to have a chat, and he needs to hear those three special words, along that I’m fully committed to us. Maybe we’re so crazy into each other we’re thinking and saying crazy things, twisting what’s real in our jealousy.

I had to hit this low to understand relationships are up and down. Nate adores and loves me, regardless.

Welcome, Kalli, to this beautiful life.





28




Scout and I do the dorky thing and arrive at the party by eight-thirty, a first. Scout’s in her standard jeans, heels and a slashed off-the-shoulder top. I plan on making this the best night ever and blowing Nate’s mind, so I thoughtfully have on a strapless sundress with shimmery swirls over the bust. It pinches under my bra-line then free flows to mid-thigh. I paired this with knee-high black boots, and, no underwear, which I’ve never done, but we may be frantic again after we’ve sorted this mess-up. He loves my hair straight so it’s like that, parted down the middle. I have smoky eyes to make them pop—Nate may not know what smoky eyes are, but I can read body language and he likes them.

The party atmosphere is mellow as we walk around. There’s no DJ yet but what seems to be a mixed playlist from the speakers. The lights are off and instead shining lights beam from the ceiling. The bar is open, but the bartenders are taking their time finishing setting up.

There are the usuals here. Two groups always come to these things early, apparently, and they’re here now, in a circle, drinks in hands. I hear “trigonometry” and make an effort not to listen to the rest of that conversation.

We walk outside to the gas heaters and grab some bottles on the way, then lounge in the chairs underneath the heat.

“Are they here yet?” I ask, peering from my spot around to spot Nate and Steph.

“I’m not sure about you, but nine’s a li’l early for my cool girlfriend. Seriously, though, she’s coming around nine-fifteen, she said.”

I nudge her arm. “Okay, that’s fine. I approve.”

Scout glares at me as she tips the bottle up and takes a gulp, never losing connection. “What about your boyfriend?”

“Let’s see,” I say.

I take out my phone.

Kalli: hey um, just wondering when u r coming tonight.

Nate: I fkd up. Talk and kiss later.

Kalli: Soon later or later, later…?

Nate: soon. miss u lots. xx

As I’m about to reply, Scout says, “So?”

“Soon, apparently.”

I hold up my bottle. Scout holds hers. And we cheer.

Two bottles later, Steph arrives to Scout picking her up and bear hugging her off the ground. They kiss and shit, and I’m jealous I can’t do a couple-off for cuteness with Nate, but I suppose with the shoot he’s still busy? Or he finished late and is now getting ready? I know which one I’m hoping for.

Crap.

I look at my mobile and stare at the locked screen. No wonder he was touchy this morning, lovey now. Today is the anniversary of his mum’s death. Crap, I feel stupid and self-centred. I put my mobile away, and take a self-vow to use it for anything but bugging him about when he’s coming. In fact, as much as I miss him and want to make up, I’d rather him home with his sister and dad.

During our third drink, it’s almost nine-thirty, and there’s plenty more here although it’s obviously dead compared to what it will be later. I leave Scout and Steph to hang and say hi to some other people around. The mix tonight isn’t the top 10 in R&B, techno, house and electro, but rather a mix of the nineties and the noughties. It’s such a welcome change from the usual music.

It’s by 9.50 pm that I begin getting antsy. I grab my fourth drink, which is a mistake this early. My body shape is not far off willowy, and though I have a fast metabolism, I’d rather be composed tonight. Deciding to slow up, I hang with some of Nate’s friends who are here, then have a chat to the DJ, one of the guys in my old classes, and finally end up with Scout and Steph by 10.20.

Just because I’d rather Nate spend time at home doesn’t mean I’m not holding onto the hope that what he said in his message about coming still is true.

“Kalli girl,” Scout says.

Steph is on her lap, Scout’s fingers tangled in a ball between Scout’s legs. I take Steph’s spare seat.