Reading Online Novel

Being Kalli(75)



What’s the point? I knew this was too good for a reason. I say as much, and add, “I’m not a sympathy case. You’re with me for me, not because you’re sorry my mum almost killed herself or I stuffed up and you somehow feel bad. You’re here for me. I’m telling you the truth. Go through the phone—” I point at the bed, where it lies “—I haven’t texted him once. Just another number like the other hundred or so other people at uni I have stored.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbles, leaning back to the wall behind him and crossing his arms over his chest too.

I heard once this stance was defensive, that it was a sign people don’t want to let the other person in. It sure feels exactly like that with the tense air separating us, and us not meeting gazes.

“You mean you don’t know if you trust me still.”

Nate shakes his head, nods at the door as a gesture meaning he wants to leave. I get up, sidestep to let him open it and walk away—from us. This is bull. Fucking bull. How did we get here so quick?

“You said that, Kall, not me. What I want to know is why he doesn’t know we’re dating. All my mates know. In fact word travelled so fast when I told them we were working things out that absolutely everyone in the lecture on Friday knew about it by then.”

I wanted to say I don’t go to uni anymore, but Donovan does, and his classes cross over with ours. Nate must think I’ve suggested otherwise to him, or kept it hidden in case I had a chance. The latter is partially true, I realise now. I haven’t told anyone but Scout in confidence, but it’s been out of fear that what I have with Nate is too good to be true.

I open my mouth to tell Nate his assumption is wrong, but I’ve been lost in my own world, and Nate’s footsteps are far at the start of the house, near the entry. Running, I hook my hand around the doorway into the main room and continue to Nate, almost at the door.

“Wait,” I call, panting. I hold my hand up, gulp in some air, and explain. “I haven’t told anyone. I haven’t told him or anyone anything.”

Nate’s face drops, and that’s when I realise I’m digging a hole far from that happy place last night. I wonder how I can get back to it.

“I think that’s the point, Kall. You’re keeping us to yourself—what?—in case we don’t work out?”

Crap, he read my mind.

“The hell?” I throw one hand up, disgusted. “I wasn’t aware it was a rule.”

“It’s not, but I’ve never known you to keep anything to yourself, apart from your own secrets you’re ashamed of.”

I put my hands on my hips and utter slowly, “I. Am. Not. Ashamed. Of. Us.”

“I’m late,” Nate replies. “I really don’t want to start saying things we’ll regret. We’ll talk tonight at that party, ‘ey?” he says, finishing off with rich sarcasm. “I’ll just be a little late ‘cause of my shoot and some personal stuff.”

Reeling from the sting, I stand there, trying to calm the pounding in my chest and head, only able to find my voice after I see him down my driveway.

I’m worried you’ll realise you’re too good for the whore I really am, I think.

But I’ll have time to tell him that later. At least I’ll see him later tonight at this party.

I close the front door, heading back in, head sunken to my chest. So much so that when I walk to my room, I bump heads with Mum.

“Youch,” she says, rubbing her forehead. “You okay?”

She must have seen my face.

“He had to leave quickly, much to my sorrow,” I deadpan. It’s a version of the truth.

“Go grab a coffee from the kitchen and meet me at the table.”

I do as she says, interested in this flip. I pour some coffee from the pot into two cups. She sits across from me, and with her so on the ball these days and interested in discussing what’s on her mind, I have a feeling of what she wants to talk about.

“I’m so happy for you, Kalli!” she cries.

“Because of Nate.”

“Yup. You slept with him last night, didn’t you?”

“Err, this is weird.”

“Why?” Mum asks. She cups the mug and sips at her coffee, all the while studying my expressions. “You’ve always been a free one, and it’s never bothered you before.”

“’Cause! You’ve never asked. I’m weirded out that we’re finally talking like this. You … you know. You never really noticed or cared. Actually, I’m not sure which it was.”

“I care about you, Kalli. I always care what you do.” She sighs. Her shoulders dip and she flicks off some lone crumbs from the table. “I’m so happy about things with you and Nate. Not because if an accident happens I’m set to have the world’s most beautiful grandkids, but for you. You’re so free. You look like you’re smiling when you walk, worlds away in happy thoughts. You don’t look like you’ve woken with a vengeance against the world. You’re happy these days, and if it’s because of him, I’m even happier.”