Becoming Calder(79)

"Yes, I know. I see what people arrive here wearing. We'll figure all that stuff out. It's why we need a little time."

I nodded, biting my lip. "Are you afraid?"

Calder was quiet for a minute, staring up at the sky. "Sometimes. But mostly I'm filled with excitement for the future for the first time in my life." He looked down at me. "We've always lived with this great flood hanging over our heads, and, I don't know, it's hard to imagine a day when I don't use that as the compass for the way I spend each and every day. But I want that. I want to know what that feels like. I want to know what it's like to live without constantly thinking about dying."

"Even if dying's supposed to be glorious."

Calder nodded. "Yes. And maybe it is. But," he ran a hand through his hair, looking back up at the sky, "there are glorious things right here on earth, too, and I think they're meant to be enjoyed. We weren't created not to notice them . . . our hearts weren't made to not take joy in the things we've been given right here."

I snuggled into him, his skin warming me, and pulled half the blanket over my shoulders. I was so sleepy. "So you believe the great flood . . . it isn't true?" I yawned. I still didn't know exactly what I thought.

"I don't know," Calder said very quietly. "I used to believe in Hector so strongly. But he isn't the man, the leader, I always saw him as. He's not a man I want to follow any longer. And so if the floods do come, I'll take my chances with the rest of the people Hector considers sinners. I'm certainly among them in his mind anyway."

I nodded, growing sleepier, so warm and happy with Calder's arms around me.

"All I know for sure," I heard him whisper, "is that you belong to me and I'm going to protect you. I'm going to make a life for us. Somehow."

And I believed him.

The next thing I knew, Calder was shaking me gently. "Wake up, Eden, we have to get back."

I blinked and looked around, sitting up as Calder moved away from me. I oriented myself, suddenly realizing I'd be saying goodbye to him for quite some time. I stood. My breath hitched. I felt tears forming, and my chest ached. I hadn't known this pain before. "I'm going to miss you so much," I whispered.

Calder had picked up the blanket, but stopped folding it at my words. He set it down on the ground and moved toward me, wrapping me in his arms. He was already dressed and I was still nude. He hugged me to him tightly, his chin resting on the top of my head. "I love you so much, Morning Glory. Every single day we're apart, I'm going to be planning our life. It will get me through, and you remember that, too, when it gets hard. When wedding plans are going on around you, when you see Hector treating me like a dog, you remember I am planning our life and doing everything I can to make that happen. And I swear to you, we will leave here."

I nodded my head. "Okay."

Calder tilted my chin up with his finger and gazed into my eyes. "My brave girl," he smiled, "I won't worry about you because you are so strong. I'll know you're fine."

I nodded, resolve filling me. "I will be fine. I'll be strong and I will wait for that dumb call from Xander telling me to meet you right here."

Calder chuckled and pulled me back toward him. "It is a dumb bird call. Humor him though. He's pretty proud of it."

I grinned against his chest and we held each other for another minute, until I pulled away, and began pulling my clothes back on.

After I was dressed and the blanket was put back in the bag, I almost swung it over my shoulder, but thought better of it and set it down behind me between the rocks where the sketchpad was still kept. There was no reason to carry it with me back up the tree and across the roof. I turned back to Calder and smiled at him. "I'll see you here soon, very soon," I whispered.

"Yes," he said, "very soon." He took my face in his hands and kissed my lips softly and then rubbed his nose along mine tenderly. I kissed him one last time and turned to leave. I ducked through the opening in the rocks and hiked up the trail, knowing Calder would be behind me in a few minutes. I wondered if he'd leave the unlit candles where they were or take them back with him. I pictured somebody stumbling upon our little spring years and years from now, when we were long gone, and wondering what had gone on there, what it all meant. I couldn't help smiling to myself. Only he and I knew the story. It was only ours.

I climbed the tree easily and then tiptoed softly across the roof back to my window that I had left open just a crack. I pushed it up slowly, pausing when it creaked softly. When I didn't hear another sound, I opened it all the way and climbed through. Two minutes later, I was changed and in my bed.