Becoming Calder(82)

"Tell me what's going on with Maya if you know."

"It's like I said. Her heart is weak. It's failing. Soon it won't be able to provide her with enough oxygen and she'll fall asleep. She won't wake up."

"No," I shook my head, shaking off the very idea. "No. You're not right. How would you know that anyway? Just from looking at her?"

"Aye. I see it. When things are imminent, they grow very clear." She put her hand on my arm. "I'm sorry. I see your love for her, too. It's like a brightly colored butterfly."

I studied her ancient face, those ageless eyes, not knowing what to think, and then pulled loose from her hold and walked back to Maya to sit on the other side of her bed.

I clasped her hand in mine and sat with her as Mom and Dad prayed. As I listened to the words from Hector's Holy Book, the room seemed to sway and blur all around me. When I blinked my eyes, I realized it was because I was crying. I sat up straight and looked out the window. I wasn't going to cry. Maya was still here, her warm hand holding my own and a small, serene smile on her face.

As I stared at her, she opened her eyes and looked right at me, and then just over my shoulder. She smiled just a little bit bigger. "Oh, Calder, it's so beautiful, so simple," she whispered.

I furrowed my brow, not understanding what she meant. She met my eyes again and her hand squeezed mine so gently, three times. I. Love. You. I squeezed her hand back and her smile grew bigger. "I know," she whispered. And then she closed her eyes, a small puff of air escaping her mouth, her hand slipping from my own.

"Maya?" I choked, putting both hands on her shoulders and shaking her just a little. She remained unmoving, her eyes closed, the small smile still on her lips. My mom began to cry and my dad bowed his head. I looked up and saw Mother Willa standing quietly in the corner, her eyes downcast as her lips moved silently in some kind of prayer.

My dad picked up Maya's wrist and put his finger to her pulse and we all watched as pain moved across his face. After a minute, he laid her arm down gently. "She's gone," he said very quietly.

I stood up quickly, the chair beneath me scraping against the floor. I felt hot, short of breath, like all the light in the room was suddenly too bright, piercing. I needed to get out of there, from Maya's still body and the seemingly tangible feeling of loss all around me.

I stumbled toward the door as Mother Willa reached out her arm and clutched mine. "This is not your fault," she said.

I looked at her, feeling wild, like I was reeling, like my eyes would bug right out of my head at any second. "Whose fault is it then?" I asked, too loudly.

"There is no blame here."

"Brother . . ." Xander said, stepping forward from beside the doorway where he'd been standing, offering support with his presence.

I looked away from him, pulled free of Mother Willa and stalked out the door, my feet leading the way, until I found myself down at my and Eden's spring. I stood there looking around dazedly at the place that had only ever brought me happiness and joy. In that moment, I needed to be there. Grief enveloped me. How would I go on without Maya? I loved her so deeply. I had never been apart from her for one day my whole life. I fell down on my knees on the grass and put my head in my hands and sobbed, letting the tears fall for my big sister.



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Maya's body was laid to rest in Acadia's burial ground, a quarter mile or so to the west of the river. The ground was hard and rocky, and it took my dad and me half a day to dig Maya's grave as Mom and several other women anointed her body with oils and dressed her for burial.

Hector led the funeral procession through desert wildflowers to her grave. The rest of our family came to pray for Maya's safe journey to the afterlife. Eden stood to Hector's side, a look of utter sorrow on her face. I glanced at her once, but my longing for her was too much, and I couldn't look back again. I needed her so desperately that even looking at her was too painful of a reminder of what I couldn't have when I needed it the most: Eden's loving arms around me, her warmth, her comfort. I saw she was trying to catch my eye, and I was sure she was confused by my lack of attention, but I had to remain stoic or I would crack. It was as simple as that.

I was even more desperate to leave Acadia now. There was nothing for me here. My mom and dad wouldn't understand, but I had to live my own life. And they had each other. They had the life they'd chosen. They had Elysium.

As Maya's funeral procession made its way back to the main dining hall where all the workers, Maya's family, would gather over food and drink, I saw Hector lead Eden away, back to the main lodge. The other council members, only two were there, followed behind them. I saw Eden glance back several times out of my peripheral vision, but I didn't look her way. I couldn't.