Beautifully Awake(94)

“Shit, Lil, I’m sorry. I just thought ... fuck.” He bowed his head and looked away.

A pang of guilt washed through me. If I had opened my damn eyes I would have seen this coming from a mile away. His flirting, our banter, his need to somehow touch me in any situation. Damn.

“Guy, no, I’m sorry if I was leading you on ... it’s just ... I thought we were just friends.” I turned away. “I’m just gonna head back to the bar.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he stuttered. Obviously embarrassed, he shook his head, muttering several more expletives under his breath. I decided long ago that I would never settle for anything less than butterflies, and I learned tonight they were only reserved for Chase.

Completely flustered, I weaved my way through the mass of people bumping and grinding and grabbed my bag. I mumbled to the girls that I left my phone in my car and I would be back. Pushing through the front door of the bar, I stopped and let out a long breath.

“What the hell,” I sneered. A drunk couple stumbled out the door and slammed into my side. Unsteady on my heels, my ankle buckled. “Shit!” I tried to catch myself. Two strides later I was on my knees in the middle of the freaking parking lot.

“Lili, what the fuck, are you okay?” The voice behind me sounded labored and panicked. His voice. A voice I craved more than anything, now made me fiery mad. What was he doing here? “Why are you on the ground? Are you drunk? Are you hurt?” Apparently missing the collision, he lifted me off the ground.

Chase’s face was chiseled ice; his stare so cold. Goose bumps prickled my freshly shaven legs despite the August heat.

“I’m fine.” I was so not fine. I turned on my heel and spotted my car. The burn in my knees and the warm trickle of blood sliding down my shin reminded me how not drunk I was.



“Where the hell are you going?”

“Home.”

“Like fuck you are. You’re drunk!”

“Chase, I am not having this conversation in the middle of a bar parking lot,” I hissed, waving an aggressive finger between us.

As much as I wanted him, wanted to jump in those ripped arms and rewind to the morning before I walked into that courtroom when Chase still saw only his pure sweet, I couldn’t. There was no erasing the past few weeks. No erasing the pain. My eyes darted to his hands, clutched in tight fists by his sides. Even white-knuckled, I saw the deep bruises on his left hand. My gaze shifted back to his face. The line was faint, but the gash Kate described was still there, marring his gorgeous face. My head spun. Why? Damn it, he was the one who left me, told me to leave. He was torturing us both. Everything was so fucked up. I yanked my car keys out.

“I saw him kiss you, Lili.” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Do you have any idea what that just fucking did to me? I wanted to plow through that crowd, rip him off you and beat him to a pulp. I can’t...” I turned around. The rage in his eyes was tangible. Dr. Intensity met Dr. Jealousy. “Why was he kissing you?”

I blinked several times, unsure of how to respond.

“Why are you here?” I punctuated, but Chase just stared in my eyes. “You know what, Chase, I don’t want to know.” I continued walking to my car, yelling over my shoulder. “I’m going home now. When you’re ready to talk, fine. You know where to find me, but I’m not doing this in the middle of the fucking night.” I opened my car door, slid inside and slammed the door shut. He snapped from his trance and banged on the window, desperation in his eyes.

“No, baby, no. Get out of the car. Don’t you dare drive! Fuck!”

I realized at that moment he actually thought I was drunk. My blood boiled. Screw that. I started my car.

Chase wildly banged his hands on the back of my car. “Blue, get out of the fucking car!” But I pulled away.

On the drive home, tears pooled behind my contacts. Angry tears, confused tears, heartbreaking tears. How the hell did we get here? My pride took a backseat to blurry vision, and I finally blinked hard, allowing the salty streams mixed with mascara to stain my face. So much for holding it together. I stopped at a red light and glanced in the rearview mirror. Chase was following me. His headlights reflected in my rearview mirror, but I saw the fire in his eyes.



“Calm down, Lil.” Now he had me talking to myself.

Luckily there was a parking spot right in front of my apartment. I parallel parked while Chase swerved two cars ahead in front of the fire hydrant.

“Have you lost your fucking mind?” He sprung from his car, slamming his car door so hard I thought the glass was going to shatter into a million pieces. Holy shit.