Beautifully Awake(81)

I opened my bloodshot eyes and remembered the last time I was in this entryway, pressed against the window and suspended in Chase’s strong arms for the first time. The same dim light was shining through the walls of glass, but that was all that was the same. Tonight the scene was completely different.

A dull chime extracted me from my memories. I unwrapped my arms from around my knees and reached for my bag. I knew several texts waited for me. Sierra, my dad—typical. But the one I wanted was missing.

Asspuck, holy shit!

My parents called in a fuckin panic,

I could kill that fucker.

Please call me asap!!



Whatever the time.

The people sitting in that courtroom couldn’t wait to spread the latest town gossip. I clutched my stomach and silently screamed in frustration.

Are you okay?

Call me and let me know you made it home ok.

Remember, head up and chin high, babydoll.

Love you, Dad.

New tears pooled because I hated what this was going to do to him, left behind to listen to all the same gossip. Again. The gossip that sent me running in the first place.

I’m okay Dad.

Long day, just really tired.

Call u tomorrow.

Love u too.

I picked myself up and headed straight for the bathroom. Maybe a long hot shower was exactly what I needed. But what I wanted was Chase. His arms securely around me. His intoxicating smell filling my senses. His crystal grey gaze locking with mine.

Still damp, I tugged my robe around my body and crawled into bed without dinner. Confused and sad, I stretched for my cell. Sierra wasn’t going to swallow a text. She picked up on the first ring.

“Lili, you home? You okay?” She sounded startled.

“Yeah, I’m home, got home, um ... I don’t know, half hour ago, what time is it?” I asked because I had absolutely no idea how long I’d been home. Again it was like time stood still. Minutes blended into hours.

“Sweetie, you okay? It’s like one in the morning.”

“Shit! Sierra, I’m so sorry I woke you. Did I wake Dodd too?”

“Who cares about that, I’m glad you called. I would’ve freaked if I didn’t hear from you. I’m in the guestroom anyway. Dodd was snoring so loud and hogging the bed. My big ass body kept tossing and turning…” She was stalling. Sierra never stalled. “Umm … do you want to talk about it, hun?” Her voice cracked, the way it does when you are on the verge of losing it and are struggling to keep it together.



“Not really,” I croaked out.

“Oh Lil, you’re crying. Oh god. Sweetie, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe what happened. Don’t cry. I haven’t heard you cry in so long. Where is Chase, is he with you?” Sierra was crying now too.

I had to wait for the knot in my throat to relax before I could answer her. “No, he … he went home. I’m alone.” Alone.

“He did what? What did Dr. Dickhead say to you? Forget it. I’m getting dressed, I’m on my way.” Sierra stopped crying. But I couldn’t.

“No, Sier ... don’t be ... ridiculous.” Sob. “It’s the middle of the night.” I had zero control, I cried harder.

“Yeah, and ... I will see you in a few minutes, unlock the door for me.” End of discussion.

Sierra thundered through my unlocked apartment door and crashed straight onto my bed. “What did that Dr. Fucker do to you?” Sierra was pissed.

“He didn’t do anything, it’s what he didn’t do, Sier.” I finger combed my damp hair and squeezed my forehead, rehashing our conversation for the umpteenth time. “He wouldn’t let me explain, he didn’t even want to hear my story, my truth.” My face was going to be raw if I wiped my tear soaked cheeks one more time. “He just sat in that courtroom and listened while Derek Reed made me look like I cried fucking wolf.” Fury resurfaced and sizzled. “Chase was so angry, Sier, he told me he wanted the bastard’s head on a platter for humiliating me in front of the whole town.”

Sierra sighed so deep, her belly looked like a basketball. “Um Lil … then where is he, why isn’t he here?”

“He dropped me off and ... just left. Said he had an early meeting with his best friend. I don’t know if that means he’s leaving for New York or Boston, or if Asher’s coming here.” I picked at what was left of my nails. “Something just wasn’t right. He was ... distant.”

“That doesn’t sound right. Look, I might not be his biggest fan, but that’s just because he’s freaking selfish about sharing your time. The guy’s been up your ass for weeks. I can’t believe he would leave you like this, in this state...” Sierra paused to really look at me. “…this completely fucked-up state of mind you’re in.”