Beautifully Awake(75)

“Are you still in love with him?” His words sounded worse than nails on a chalkboard and I found my stolen air.

“Oh hell no. Absolutely not. Love him?” I spat, literally spat. “Chase, I’m so sorry if I gave you that impression. God no. I ... I don’t think I ever loved him. I don’t know what I felt, but it wasn’t love.” I smoothed my hair, trying to find the right words. “I’m embarrassed that I even stayed with him as long as I did. I was young and didn’t really know ... I didn’t have anything to compare it to ... in love with him? He was the biggest mistake of my life. So to answer your question ... no. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. That’s truth.”

I was still in a state of shock that the possibility even crossed his mind. He grabbed my hands, demanding my attention.

“Look at me, baby.” The tension released from his grip once my eyes lifted, connecting with his. My eyes were his peaceful place. His worry vanished on contact.



“Chase, I...”

“Shh. Say no more.” He cut me off. “As far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to say another word about him. He was a fucking moron to never take care of someone as special as you. And if just knowing you’re not going to run into him makes it easier for you to be here, then I’m happy for you. Shit. I’m fucking thrilled he’s not here. The thought of coming face to face with someone who has seen you naked pisses me off anyway. I don’t care how long ago it was. Call me selfish.” He lifted my hand and brushed kisses along my knuckles.

“Bossy ... possessive ... insanely sexy, maybe, but I would never say selfish. You’re the furthest thing from it, Chase Colton.” I swallowed past a small lump of emotion. “Thank you for everything, for coming with me and making this trip bearable, hell, even enjoyable. This place holds a lot of painful memories for me, but you need to know that seeing my dad today didn’t lift that brick off my back. You did that for me. A part of me has been asleep since I left here, and you’re the one who woke me up that first night we spent together ... so bossy and possessive, yes ... but selfish, definitely not.” My mind swirled with every fear and emotion I had suppressed the past few years. I wanted to say more, say everything, but I couldn’t figure out where to begin.

Chase’s smile reached his eyes when he cupped my cheeks between his hands. “What happened to insanely sexy?” he whispered before he crushed his soft lips to mine.

We kissed for what felt like forever outside the courthouse. I started to get dizzy then I remembered we were in public and separated us by an inch or two and smiled. My heart pounded against my chest, my breath labored.

“Yes, and insanely sexy.” I beamed and looked deep into his eyes, realizing this was real. He was real. And I trusted him with my heart.





Chase was comfortably seated in the visitor section when I followed closely behind the prosecutor to my seat near the front of the courtroom. The stuffy room was filled with nosey spectators all waiting to spread the latest gossip. It made me sick. My eyes drifted toward the defense table, wanting to place the defendant’s name with a face. The Wayne family name held a prominent place in our small town. They owned plenty of real estate, including the TJ Maxx strip mall in the center of town. Wealthy for northern Pennsylvania, the Wayne family was large and had no problem breeding their fair share of black sheep. The defendant was one of them.

I sucked in a sharp breath; it burned like swallowing acid. It wasn’t Roy Wayne that I recognized. Instead, the tightly cut dark hair and trim goatee was unmistakable. I sat across the table from the defense attorney at one too many family barbeques. My stomach churned and a rush of queasiness filled my gut. Derek Reed, selfish fuck-face’s cousin, was a dirty cutthroat lawyer who constantly plotted his next victory, regardless of who he took down on his way. I wasn’t sure if that made him really good at his job or just a ruthless ass. My head snapped forward as I tried to control my frenzied breath. Squeezing my eyes closed in disbelief, I cursed the coffee I drank this morning. Yet again. But what stung the most was that the pompous ass knew me. The old me. I wanted to search out Chase, but I knew he would read my panic. Instead, I kept my head low, fidgeted with my un-manicured nails and reminded myself why I was here. To confirm and validate my recommendations from a few years ago. That was it. It was all about Tommy Wayne, a defenseless little boy, who needed me to be his voice. No more.



After two other crisis center employees gave brief testimonies, the prosecutor mouthed that I was next. The judge swore me in, and I finally let my eyes wander in Chase’s direction. He parted his lips into the half smile he reserved for me. Arms folded across his chest, he was so beautiful as he sat there to support me.