A Boy I Used to Love(6)

"I'm a risk?" Jenny asked.

"That's okay," I said. "Let's get you settled."

I gritted my teeth as I helped Jenny to her bed. I hated Becky. She was crazy.

Jenny kept a tight grip on my hand after she was settled. "Are you leaving me?"

"No," I said.

"Then what's that moron doing here?"

I laughed. "She's good at her job. They were worried about me not being here."

"Because of Kyle," Jenny said. "You still grieving?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "We were close … "

"You two were days away from marriage."

"Not quite that, Jenny," I said.

Kyle had been the one as in the one who filled a hole in my heart. I never expected things to draw out as long as they did, though. I was probably the perfect woman for him: never asking about marriage, kids, a house. All that stuff I had once dreamed about. I wasn't a good person, though. Not for how long I let it all go. And certainly not for the way it all ended.

Kyle was dead and I never got the chance to tell him the truth.



Becky came into the kitchen and her face was red.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"She just called me …  a cunt."

I almost spit water on the floor. I swallowed and coughed. I patted my chest. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Don't take it personally. She's dying. It's painful."

"I was trying to help her."

"She's not used to you. She's a very family-oriented person. It took a while for me to break through her shell."



       
         
       
        

"Well, I can't work like this. I have to talk to Bev."

"Becky, please. Stop. You have no idea what that woman has been through. Go outside for a breather. I'll take care of this."

When I opened the door to the bedroom, Jenny was sitting up. She was holding a magazine that was six months outdated, one she had read ten times.

"Jenny," I said.

"I meant what I said to her," she said in a weak voice.

"Okay. Let's forget about that. Tell me how you're feeling."

"Like death."

I sighed. She was sick, in pain, and in a bad mood. The cut on her nose was bleeding a little. I tended to her, dabbing a tissue to her nose to heal it up a little.

"I'm really sorry about today," I said. "You deserve better care. I've been a little out of it lately and changing my schedule. This is my fault. I would never change on you, though. You're my favorite."

"Oh, stop that," Jenny said. "You tell that to everyone."

"No, I don't. You asked me about grieving before. I don't know what I'm doing. It was shocking when Kyle went. It hurt me. It did. But I don't think we were all that serious."

"You love someone else?"

I smirked. I did not talk about my past with anyone.

"True love, real love, whatever it is," Jenny said, "it's a bitch. It's a cold-hearted bitch."

I laughed. "Did you always curse like this?"

"No," Jenny said. "But I'm two breaths from dying, so who gives a shit?"

"That's one way of looking at it."

"Hey, are you going on another a trip soon?"

"A trip?"

"Yeah. It's almost that time."

"What time?" I asked, smiling.

"For as long as I've known you, every year around this time you go on a trip. And your pictures. Remember when you brought me vacation pictures? They were always timestamped for the around the same timeframe."

"Yeah, they were and are," I said.

I always planned a trip around a set date but nobody had really picked up on it before. Except Jenny. For as sick as she was she didn't miss a beat. She could have her eyes shut and ready to let go and if something on her dresser was out of place, she would pop her eyes open and tell you about it.

I squeezed her hand. "I don't have anything planned. It's been a strange year for me."

"Of course, it has," Jenny said. "I just lie here waiting to die. You're out there living. And you had to welcome death to someone too young. It's a shame. I never question religion and faith … " 

"Don't start now," I said. "What happened to Kyle was tragic. I told him so many times to call me if he ever needed a ride. He swore he knew the roads by heart, you know?"

"So, he was drinking?"

"Yes."

"Damn," Jenny said. "I'm sorry you have to go through it."

"Well, it's not like I have anything to deal with. Kyle had friends but little family. A couple cousins that live thousands of miles away. It's like he just vanished, almost."