A Boy I Used to Love(3)

I hung around and ended up spending the night.

We didn't sleep together, though. We just talked and laughed. And of all fucking things, we drank tea. Black fucking tea. I was instantly hooked on her. Now, to be fair, the next time I met up with Mary, we went on a date, had a few drinks, and I brought her back to my place. We had sex three times that night, once more the following morning, and then I showed up at her job for a little lunchtime quickie. It was fast, furious, deep, and emotional. We hadn't dropped the L-word on each other, but instead, just went for the ride. I didn't know all that much about her, and she sure as hell didn't know about my past. Or at least the parts I knew I needed to keep hidden.

I opened the door and stepped into the apartment.

I looked down at Mary.

Fuck, she really was beautiful.

She had that look in her eyes. That forever kind of look. That wife-and-kids look. I knew I wasn't going to be that guy for her. We were doomed from the start, and now that the calendar was about to flip another year, it was time. The calendar in my heart and mind dictated its own rules.

"You looked stressed," Mary said in her soft voice. "You want to smoke, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I appreciate that you don't."

Mary had told me the terrible story of how her father lost his life to lung and heart issues after a lifetime of smoking. It helped me cut the habit, even if the urge lingered on my tongue day after day.

I touched her cheek. "I made you a promise."

She grabbed my hand, sliding it down to her neck and then to her chest. My hand eased under the bedsheet, and I felt the warmth of her breast. She inched closer to me, her eyes changing into those of the fiery vixen I had almost fallen for.

There was a good reason why I couldn't fall for Mary.

I was in love with someone else.

"Good morning," she whispered.

Her lips came forward as my thumb stroked over her nipple.

The right words for me to say right then were simple. Good morning to you too.

Instead, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"We need to break up."



I expected to catch a lot more hell from her. Instead, she just backed away and pulled the sheet tight around her body. She looked at me, and I couldn't tell if she wanted to cry or stab me in the chest. I would have accepted either one.

The thing was … she wouldn't get it if I tried to explain. So I just stood there.

"So that's it?" she asked. "That's how you end things with someone?"

"Look, you're special. You know you're special. I can't begin to tell you what this time has meant to me. But I see it in your eyes, Mary. What you really want. That's not me."

"I held back from telling you how I felt because I didn't want to scare you," she said. "I loved you. I still love … "

I put my hand up. "Don't throw that word around. I'm not going to apologize to you. But I have to get to the shop. You do whatever you need around here. Take your time. Break some shit. I don't care."

"You're just … done?"

"Done."

"How? Last night, you were inside me, River. I felt you. I felt us. I felt … "

"Today's a new day," I said. I walked away from her. It was painful to walk away from someone so beautiful, so perfect, even as I was breaking up with her. I put my coffee mug in the sink. Then I felt her creeping up behind me. One of her hands slid around my naked torso and tickled at my stomach. I swallowed hard. "Don't do that."



       
         
       
        

"Over is over then, huh?"

"Over is over," I said. "We can keep this up, but it won't go anywhere. I won't put a ring on your finger, Mary. I won't buy you a house. I won't give you kids. I'm just trying to be fair and honest. I know that's what you want."

Her hand then moved from me.

It was the last time she'd ever touch me.

"Then I guess I'll grab a shower and leave," she said. "When I get out of the shower, make sure you're gone, please."

I swore I heard her voice crackling, like she was crying. But I didn't look back. I looked straight ahead. Out the kitchen window to the day that waited for me. I didn't move until I heard the bathroom door shut. The pipes rattled when Mary turned the shower on.

In the bedroom, I grabbed a t-shirt. That was my work attire. Fuck, I loved my job.

Turning, I stared at the bed. The messy covers. The pillows. I touched them. The bed was going to smell like Mary for a little while. I glanced at the bathroom door, picturing Mary's sultry body. That dark skin. Her perfect breasts. The curve of her ass. The sound of her voice when I touched her.