A Boy I Used to Love(16)

I only planned on having a couple drinks.

But once nine rolled around, I was checked out.

She was gone.

She was fucking gone.

Her shit packed up and gone. Loaded up on a moving truck and shipped across the damn country. There she'd go to a good college, get her medical degree, meet some fancy fucking doctor as a husband, and the rest would be history. At least she'd get everything she wanted in life though.

I eventually gave up the shots and went right for the bottle. The guys were partying and singing but I wasn't in the fucking mood for that shit. I wandered over to another garage and opened it. I flicked on a small light and climbed up on the hood of a beater car we were using for parts. I looked around and realized this was what my life was going to be. A fucking mess. Second hand shit. I'd forever be dirty, greasy, struggling to rub some nickels together, hoping to make a dime. 

Lacey deserved more than that. I was the fantasy. I was the one who popped her cherry, not just in the bedroom, either. I showed her the wild side. The dark side. I showed her the bad boy side. She'd tuck those memories away and forever smile at them. But she didn't need that life for forever.

I raised the bottle and nodded.

"To you, darlin'," I whispered. "To all your dreams and hopes."

I drank and fell back, hitting the windshield of the car. I dropped the bottle and it shattered with an echo that died off into silence. I shut my eyes and wanted to slip away until tomorrow.

I opened my eyes to the sound of my name.

"River?"

I sat up and saw Lacey standing in the doorway.

"Lacey?"

"I've been looking for you."

"Am I dreaming?"

"Are you drunk?"

I slid down the hood. "Yeah. I'm drunk."

"River … "

"What's the verdict here?" I asked. "I can't take this feeling in my chest."

That's when Lacey started to cry. Without hesitation. She had been obviously holding that in all damn day. I threw my arm around her and hugged her tight.

"I love you, Lacey," I said.

"River …  I don't want to go."

"But you have to go. I know it."

"I'll stay," she said. She looked up at me. "I'll stay. Fuck them. Fuck all of them."

I shook my head. "You know what you'll get if you stay. It'll be regret and heartache."

"Don't say that!" Lacey yelled. She pushed away from me. "Don't ever say I'll regret you!"

"I didn't say that, Lacey," I said. "But come the fuck on. Look at this town. Look at me! What do you want me to do? Get my head smashed in trying to earn enough to pay your bills?"

The drunk words were slurring and coming out like daggers as they shot at Lacey. I wasn't mad at her. I was mad at everything but her.

She swung at me, punching square in the jaw.

I deserved that.

I turned and slammed my fists onto the hood of the car.

I then did it over and over, feeling my knuckles hurting, cracking open, the thundering booms echoing.

Lacey dove at me and hugged me, trying to push me away.

"I fucking hate this," I said, my voice crackling.

I had never cried in front of her. I didn't plan on it then. If I did, it was the booze making it happen.

"I'm sorry," Lacey said.

"For what?"

"For what I did here," she said. "For being in your life. For my parents. For everything."

I turned and was hugging her again.

We were alone in the garage, the only sound our raw emotion. I fucking wished her parents could see that, understand what we meant to each other.

"I'm so drunk," I said. "I can't face this pain sober."

"I wish I was drunk, too," she said. "We fly out in two hours."

"What?" I asked.

It was like another punch to the gut.

"They don't know I'm here," Lacey said. "I stole the car. He shipped everything off already. Bags are packed, too. They think I'm in my room."

"Do they hate me that much?"



       
         
       
        

"It doesn't matter. This is it … "

"No, it's not," I said. "Like fuck it's not."

"You don't want me to stay," she said.

"Lacey, I want you to stay. But you can't. You have a chance to become something. So, go become it. I'll be here doing my thing. And we can meet up. We can fucking meet up. Yes. That's how it will work. We meet up."

"River …  what are you talking about?"

"No, listen to me," I said. I broke the hug and started to pace. "They're going to fight us, no matter what we do, Lacey. So, go to college out there. Make them happy. Let me work here. I'll earn, save, and live like shit. Then in …  ten years … "