Instead of You(26)

"What do you mean?"

"If I'd known no one had ever touched you, I might have been a little gentler. I would have taken a little more time. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. Everything was perfect."

I agreed, but I still felt terrible for it. "I just need you to promise me if I ever hurt you, you'll tell me. If anything is ever uncomfortable, I need you to say something."

"Have you ever taken someone's virginity?" she asked, her voice even quieter and soft.

"Freshman year of college. Her name was Allison. We dated for almost a year."

We were both quiet for a while, then finally she asked, "Will you stay the night with me?"

"I don't want to be anywhere else."





Chapter Sixteen

McKenzie

I woke to the sound of a zipper going down. You'd have thought thunder and lightning had stuck outside my tent for how fast I sat up, realizing that someone was trying to come in my tent, the tent that currently held a sleeping Hayes. I threw the sleeping bag over his face and crawled to the opening, still panicking, when Becca's face appeared in the hole she'd created.

"Hey," she whispered. I could tell by the amount of light it was still early. "I have to go to the bathroom." She stared at me expectantly.

"And that involves me how?"

"I'm not about to walk out in the trees to pee by myself. Where's your sisterly solidarity? There could be creatures out there."

"Fine," I conceded. "Just give me a minute to get dressed."

"Hurry, please," she said, making me laugh as she did a little dance. I zipped the door closed again and turned around to see Hayes peek out from under the sleeping bag. I held my finger up to my mouth, making sure he didn't say anything. I didn't want Becca to hear him.

He gave me a stupidly cute smile and crooked a finger at me. His eyes were sparkling and his hair was absolutely all over the place, and his gorgeous lips were tipped up, smiling for me. I crawled toward him, and when I got close enough, he reached out and wrapped his hand around my neck, pulling me the rest of the distance until our lips met. He kissed me as his hands slid around my waist, dangerously close to my ass, until I pulled away.         

     



 

I used my thumb to point to the door of the tent and he nodded. Then he gave me one last kiss before he buried himself in the sleeping bag again. I made sure all his belongings were out of sight, pulled on my sweatshirt and shoes, then unzipped the tent just enough for my body to slip out. Then I made sure to zip it up all the way before I walked with Becca to find a place for her to pee.

We walked in silence until she felt she was far enough from the tents and found a large bush, copping a squat. She'd come prepared with a roll of toilet paper. That fact made me giggle. I was not, however, too proud to ask to use it. On the way back to the tents, she led me closer to the water and started talking about her evening with Jacob.

"I stayed in his tent all night." She said the words with a wince, as if she were afraid I would judge her for it.

"I figured, seeing as how you didn't spend the night in my tent." I gave her a smile, trying to show her that I wasn't going to tease her or judge her for spending the evening with a guy. "Did you have a good time?"

She let out a dreamy sigh, and I think I saw little love birds flying around her head. "He's so sweet, Kenz. He held my hand and it felt like I was fourteen again, holding a boy's hand for the first time. He kissed me but didn't pressure me to do anything else. We were just talking in the tent, not even, like, making out or anything, and he just held me until I fell asleep." She let out another lovesick sigh. "Best night ever."

I couldn't disagree. But I also couldn't tell her why my night was so exciting. "So, do you think you guys are going to start dating, like, exclusively?" I watched a blush come over her face in a wave, starting at her neck and moving up to her cheeks.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend last night."

"Oh, God, you're in trouble," I said through a laugh. "You guys are gonna be the cutest and most barf-inducing couple ever."

"I know!" she whisper-squealed, jumping up and down and quietly clapping her hands. After she calmed down a bit, she turned to me, both her hands wrapping around my forearm. "Nate was such an asshole last night, but you have to admit, watching Jacob, Ryan, and Todd get all alpha male on him was pretty hot."

"Hot? I don't know. It was nice of them … ."

"Come on, Kenzie, Ryan's been crushing on you for years. You can't tell me that him kicking Nate out of his party for you wasn't flattering in the least."

Oh, no. The last thing I needed were rumors started about me and a guy. I wanted to fly low, under everyone's radar. Eventually, if things worked out with Hayes and me, my friends would find out. But now was not the time.

"He threw Nate out of the party because he was being a poor excuse for a human being, not because he was trying to flatter me."

"I don't know," she sang.

"Even if you're right, even if he's had a crush on me for years, I'm not looking to date anyone right now."

"I know. You're right. I'm sorry. Cory's only been gone six weeks. Of course you're not ready yet." She sounded honestly contrite.

Even though it felt terrible, I had to let her believe that was the reason I didn't want to pursue anything with Ryan. "Thanks for understanding," I said as I shot her the guiltiest smile.

We made plans to pack up camp in an hour or so and try to beat the rush of all the other kids, who would inevitably be hungover and grumpy, up the hill. Becca said she'd get Holly, hoping she and Todd were asleep, not wanting to "get an earful." Not that they were big exhibitionists, but it was early in the morning and they were alone in a tent. I understood her hesitance. Pancakes were on our agenda.

When I made it back to my tent I was almost giddy with the excitement of seeing Hayes again, getting the chance to kiss him again before he left, but I was sadly disappointed to find he was already gone. In the back of my mind I knew it was smart of him to leave early, lessening the chance of being seen by anyone, but after such an intense night, of feeling so connected to him, I was able to admit it hurt he hadn't said good-bye.

He was gone. His shoes were gone. His clothes. I felt his absence in a scary way, as if an actual part of me were missing. I crawled back into my now-too-big sleeping bag and let out a heavy sigh, silently chiding myself for being so silly. But when I inhaled, I smiled.

Hayes.

I could smell him on my pillow.



Two hours later, Becca, Jacob, Holly, Todd, and I all sat in a booth at our favorite breakfast spot. Ryan had driven us and our gear up the hill and looked a little dismayed that he couldn't come with us. Holly invited him no less than ten times. She obviously couldn't see me shooting her an angry look that said, "Shut up!" He'd declined every invitation, telling us he needed to stay behind and help everyone get up from the campsite. I waved and gave him a quick, "Good-bye," before getting in the car.         

     



 

I'd been wearing a ridiculous smile for the last half hour. As soon as we'd made it up the hill and off the compound, back into civilization and cell service, my phone pinged with a text.

**I took the opportunity to sneak out of camp while you were with Becca. Last night was amazing. Call me when you get home.**

It had taken me ten minutes to finally come up with a reply.

**I missed you when I came back. I'll call you later.**

I didn't want to seem needy or clingy, but I couldn't contain the overwhelming feelings within me, all the emotions the night before had brought up. The decision to tell him I'd missed him was something I debated with myself over, but finally I decided to take the leap. I had missed him. I'd been disappointed to find him gone. I thought, if anything, maybe he needed the reassurance just as much as me.

"So, what do you guys want to do today?" Holly asked, just before she took a dainty bite of pancake.

"We could hit the mall?" This came from Jacob. He wasn't exactly a stranger, but he was a new addition to our group-a welcome addition-but new nonetheless. I admired the way he didn't seem intimidated by us and all of our long-standing friendships. He just kind of fit right in.

For the tiniest moment it occurred to me that there'd been a spot to fill. The one Cory had left open. But I pushed the thought aside, telling myself that Jacob would be there regardless. He was by no means trying to fill a role.

"I need to shower and change first," Becca said, making a disgusted expression as she reached up and palmed her bun. All three of us girls were sporting the messy bun. Not out of choice, but out of necessity. We truly looked like we'd all spent the night sleeping on the ground.

"I think you look amazing," Jacob said without one ounce of insincerity. The two of them locked gazes. Becca blushed, I rolled my eyes, and Holly and Todd continued to steal food from each other's plates.

"Well, you guys have fun. I still have so much work to catch up on, I've got to go home."

"What? No. Kenz, come with us. You can do homework tomorrow," Becca begged, her voice whiney but sincere.

I hadn't been to the mall with my friends in weeks, and part of me thought it would be fun, but then I thought about being the fifth wheel, especially to Becca and Jacob's budding romance, and I knew it would just be awkward and uncomfortable. "No, really, I shouldn't have even gone to the party last night." I bit off a piece of my bacon, and watched my friends make plans for their afternoon.