With This Heart(94)

“             You need to rest. Drink some water and try to sleep,” my mom said as she hushed me against my pillows.

Sleep. Sleep sounded heavenly. Sleep meant I didn’t have to worry about life or the fact that my hero had just walked out of mine.




I slept off and on over the next two days, and when I woke up, Beck wasn’t there. My mom was doing a crossword puzzle in the corner and the second my eyes opened, she hopped up off the chair and came over to sit with me.

To her credit, she asked me all of the necessary questions before laying into me about my carelessness and lack of responsibility concerning my health. I listened to her and nodded, agreeing with her completely. She was right after all. I couldn’t rely on my mother to take notes for me any longer. I wanted to know everything about my illness. There was always the possibility that my body could reject Colby’s heart, but I couldn’t skip appointments anymore. My life would just have to fit around them.

The rest of my day was a blur of various doctors running tests and discussing my treatment plans.

“             We’ve adjusted your medications and your body is no longer attacking your heart. However, we need you to stay for an extended period so that we can take routine biopsies,” my cardiologist explained when I asked how much longer I needed to be hospitalized. It was a vague answer and I had no way to gauge my plans for the future.

I kept expecting Beck to visit that day, but the later it became, the more I realized he probably wasn’t going to show. My phone sat on the bedside table, blank and foreboding.

“             Mom, do you think you could bring me a journal when you come back tomorrow?” I asked as she packed her stuff to head home to be with my father. I didn’t mind having to stay in the hospital by myself at night; it felt good to have a little privacy.

“             Sure thing. I’ll bring it with me in the morning.”

She kissed my forehead and stroked my hair back away from my face.

“             I’m really sorry about everything,” I told her, trying to erase some of the anger she was harboring toward Beck and I.

…



The next morning, my mother brought me a journal and I spent the first half of the morning writing down every detail of my trip with Beck. There were so many details that I didn’t want to forget about. I wanted to record each event so they would always be vivid memories I could flip back to and read again and again.

When I paused around lunch time to shake out my hand, my mom looked up from her crossword. “How about we try to head down to the cafeteria for lunch? I think it would be good for you to stretch your legs and we can take it slow.”

A part of me wanted to say no in case Beck stopped by and found my room empty, but she was right. I needed to get out of this hospital room and move my achy bones. We took the wheelchair just in case, but I didn’t end up needing it until the return trip. I’d almost made it back when a wave of fatigue hit me all at once.

“             Sit down, sit down. There’s no rush,” My mom insisted. I sank into the chair gently and she patted my shoulder as she rolled me down the hallway. When we approached my room, I saw Beck standing outside of my door. He looked painfully handsome leaning against the wall with his baseball cap on. His lips were a rosy red and a tan still lingered on his skin, making his greenish hazel eyes look even more mesmerizing. But there was something off about him, less life behind his expression. The Beck that I’d seen on the road trip was long gone. He’d been replaced by the shadow of that person and I couldn’t figure out why.

Was it guilt that ate away at him?

“             Hi,” I smiled meekly as my mom rolled me closer. All of sudden I felt self-conscious about sitting in the chair. I crossed my hands over my lap and adjusted my hospital gown so that it covered more of my legs.

“             Hey, Abby Mae,” he answered with a ghost of his usual tone. My mom stopped pushing me forward when we reached my door, but before she could sneak around, Beck started to help me stand up.

His touch sent tingles down my arm and I looked down to study his hands on me. It was my favorite sight in the world and I knew I’d taken it for granted before.

My mom cleared her throat behind us, “I’m going to run down to get some coffee. I’ll be back in a little while.” We nodded and then Beck led me into the room and helped me back onto my bed. Once I was tucked under the covers and there were no other distractions to bother with, I finally looked up to meet his eyes.