With This Heart(92)

We waited. All five of us stood at the edge of the porch in a line. No one said a word for fear that we would lose focus. I leaned into Beck, frustrated with my burning eyes. They were probably just dry from the desert air, but I tried to blink away the pain and focus on the night spread out before me.

If you’ve ever tried to see a shooting star, it felt a lot like that. You know, statistically speaking, that you’re bound to see one eventually. You just have to be patient and wait it out.

“             There!” Izzie called suddenly, pointing out to the left. My gaze flickered over and I spotted them right away. This time there were three dancing lights, flickering brighter than the first one we’d seen. We all shouted gleefully and watched them with sharp focus. They lingered longer than the first group had, growing in size and then dwindling to nothing.

The truth is, I didn’t care what they were: headlights, UFOs, a mirage caused from the temperature gradients in the desert. They moved on a backdrop of black sky, pulling my attention and stimulating a part of my mind that rarely got used in adulthood: wonderment. True amazement in the fact that I had no clue why they were there.

…



The campsite was quiet when we returned. Beck had to use the flashlight on his phone to lead us through the tents. The desert air had finally chilled and I was happy to be in the warmth of the teepee when we stepped inside and tied the flap.

“             Are you okay, Abby?” Beck asked with a concerned frown.

I was wondering how long I had until he asked me that question. I’d been quiet on the way home, fearing the worst but trying to stay calm about how sick I felt. Maybe it was just the flu. I didn’t want Beck to worry though.

“             I feel fine, just thinking about things,” I lied, bending down toward my bag. I couldn’t ignore my heavy heart, but I didn’t want Beck to catch on. I shoved my clothes aside and retrieved one of the condom wrappers from the box.

Beck’s eyebrow arched when he saw what I was reaching for, but he didn’t say a word.

“             Do you think this will be the last night of our trip?” I asked quietly as a melancholy feeling surrounded us. Beck’s frown deepened.

“             We should probably head back to Dallas tomorrow. I’m not sure how long we can put off real life,” he answered, staring at my scar peeking out from my dress. I swallowed and tried to push my fever aside. If we were going home tomorrow then I couldn’t let our last night go to waste. The magic that clung to us on this road trip would be wiped clean the moment we stepped foot in Dallas. Home represented decisions. Decisions that weighed me down so much that I could hardly breathe. I wasn’t ready to face them yet.

With small steps, I moved to Beck and wrapped my hands around his neck.

“             Then let’s make it count,” I whispered as my finger trailed along the back of his hair. Before he could answer, I pulled two towels off a shelf and tugged Beck out of the teepee and over to the outdoor showers. There was a chance that people were still awake in the camp, but we’d be quiet. I looked back to see the sinful grin spread across Beck’s lips.

“             Are you leading me where I think you’re leading me?” he asked.

I shrugged and threw him a smug smile.

The showers were empty when we walked inside. The rock wall was more than enough privacy from the rest of the world. Without a word, I stepped into one of the big stalls and started to unzip the back of my dress.

I turned to see Beck watching me as he pulled his shirt off over his head. He dropped it on a bench beside him and I let myself marvel at the sharp contours of his chest longer than usual. I didn’t want to rush, not when we’d never get this night back.

The night we saw the Marfa lights.

The night I told him I loved him as he stepped closer and helped me unzip my dress.

“             I know, Abby,” he answered with a whisper, and then tugged my dress over my head. “I love you, too.” We stood there, taking each other in, and then Beck reached behind me to twist the shower head to warm. Icy cold water shot out onto my back and I squealed, throwing myself into Beck’s arms.

“             Sorry,” Beck smiled into my hair, holding me against his warm body. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent. I wished I could have bottled it up; Beck mixed with the campground and fresh air.