Wherever You Will Go(8)

I look around frantically in the hope that an answer or solution will pop out in front of me, and then there it is. “Well, I’ll get Saxon to train me, and I’ll take over the business.”

“Brooke …”

“No, Dad, don’t. I’m not selling Argo. It’s all Nate ever wanted, and I’m not selling off his dream. He wanted the business handed down through generations. There is no way I’m getting rid of it.”

Mum and Dad fidget in their chairs as they glance at each other. Mum looks away as Dad answers in a soothing voice, “Okay, Brooke, calm down. I’ll talk to Saxon today and see where he’s at. I think you need more time to make this decision.”

“No, Dad. I don’t need more time,” I argue.

He nods a solemn response, and we sit in an awkward silence, waiting for Mum to set out the food.

We all poke and prod at our food and plates, although I don’t think any one of us actually eats anything.

One thing you can rely on Mum for is distraction. She begins chatting about family, friends, the neighbourhood, and her work. Mum works part-time at the front desk at the local high school. She entertains us constantly with sordid tales of teacher hook-ups and students’ misbehaviour.

I manage some small smiles, and her eyes glow back at me. I know she is pleased with what she has seen today and will now back off for a few more days before coming back to check in.

Standing on my porch, I wave my parents off and feel lighter somehow, as if I’ve taken a step in the right direction. One step forward; one step toward my future. My future at Argo.

What’s that saying, though? One step forward, two steps back? Yeah, that’s it.





Four weeks later



Glaring at the pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter, I can’t believe it. Negative. How can it be negative? My period is two weeks late.

This is the sixth pregnancy test I’ve taken in the last three weeks. I was hoping for an early positive result, something to drag me out of this hole.

I’ve been walking lighter since my parents’ visit, holding out hope that there is a future for me. A future at Argo, and a future with our baby.

I’m ignoring the doctor’s opinion that my period could just be late due to stress. I feel it, feel it in the deepest part of my bones that something good is coming my way. Some positive is going to shine a light on the darkness I’ve been living in for the past six weeks.

Picking up the sixth pregnancy test, I drop it into the bin with the others and storm out of the en-suite. I need to find a new doctor.

I go on about my day the same as I did the day before and the day before that, living this endless cycle of routine and habit.

Making my morning coffee and toast, I carry it out onto the deck. Sliding down onto my favourite loveseat I stare out to the local community garden and small playground behind our house.

It’s normally not busy in this garden as it’s only accessible to the few houses which surround it, but this morning it’s full and alive with children of all different ages, running and screaming.

Sitting here, my hands wrapped around my hot cup of coffee, I close my eyes and rest my head back. The children’s laughter and playful screams ring loudly in my ears. Mixing that with the warm sun on my face confirms I am, in fact, alive.

My hand comes down to rub over my belly. Please God, please; I need this. I need a piece of him, a piece which can stay with me for the rest of my life.

The rest of my day continues as normal, getting some fresh air and exercise while I go for my daily walk, stopping past the continental deli to pick up a few bits and pieces, as I have Rachel coming over for dinner tonight.

After a load of washing, some light cleaning and putting the platters together, the doorbell chimes. I’m excited to see my best friend. I haven’t seen her for a few days and she always makes me feel so… normal.

Rachel and I couldn’t be more opposite. She is confident, outgoing, and doesn’t care what people think. She is who she is, and if someone doesn’t like it she couldn’t care less, or ‘give a fuck’, as she would put it. Only one of the many reasons I love her, and she is my best friend.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same and people either love her or love to hate her. Fortunately, Nate loved her. Being total opposites, I guess they didn’t clash, and Nate was never overwhelmed by her over-the-top personality.

Not like Saxon. Rachel and Saxon have never really seen eye to eye. I don’t know how to explain it except like a brother/sister or love/hate relationship.

Opening the door, I greet Rachel with a long breath and a relieved smile. She is such a comfort and just what I need today after another negative pregnancy test.