Weight of Silence(55)

Jace watched him with a wariness that broke Gavin’s heart, like he expected a reproach, or worse, for Gavin to be disgusted and walk away.

Never.

Gavin rolled up onto his knees and cupped Jace’s cheeks in his palms. Jace’s skin was cold, his breathing ragged. His eyes were full of unspilled tears. Gavin hunched until they were face to face and asked the question that mattered most. “Did he hurt you, babe?”

Jace blinked hard. Tears rolled down his cheeks and wet Gavin’s thumbs. “It hurt so bad, Gav.” He broke then, falling into Gavin’s arms with a choked noise that tore into Gavin’s heart.

He folded Jace into his lap and held him while he cried deep, quiet sobs that shook his entire body. Jace clung to his waist, face buried in his shoulder. Gavin stroked his hair and his arms and back, comforting him while he hurt, holding him together while he fell apart. Gavin’s own emotions shut down while he dealt with Jace, diving deep inside where he put his rage, new hate for Jordan keeping company with the old hate he had for his sperm donor.

Jace had been dealing with this, alone, for weeks. Suffering in silence to save his sister from one bad decision. But had that bad decision been buying the term paper? Not deleting the evidence sooner? Leaving his laptop at school during Thanksgiving? So many factors, so many chances to do something differently and change the outcome. Gavin couldn’t change what had been done to Jace. He knew Jace would never report it, or go to the authorities, because it meant explaining the term paper, and that would only hurt Rachel. Gavin going behind his back to report it would have the same results, with the added agony of ruining this beautiful thing he and Jace were slowly building.

No, Gavin would deal with Jordan Burns on his own.

Long after Jace quieted, they sat together, hearts pounding close, arms around each other. Gavin didn’t want to break the spell first, to invite the outside world back in, even though the gentle bass rising up through the floor reminded him of its presence. He kissed the top of Jace’s head, and the slim body in his lap shivered.

“I’m so sorry,” Jace whispered.

“For what?”

“Letting him—”

“Don’t.” Gavin untangled them enough to look Jace in the eyes, so he could see Gavin’s words as much as hear them. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. Not for this, not ever. You turned him down, and he took fucking advantage.”

Jace didn’t look convinced. “He used a condom. He tried not to, but I made sure he did.”

“Good, that’s good.” He didn’t want to think about the places a fuckwad like Jordan had stuck his unwrapped dick, and he silently raged harder that Jordan would willingly expose Jace to something by trying to not use a condom. “Always use a condom, no matter who you’re with. Doesn’t matter what they promise you.”

“Shit.” Jace tugged away so fiercely that Gavin let him go. He used the side of the tub to stand up, his body language exuding misery and defensiveness.

Gavin stood slowly, unsure what had spooked him. “Jace—”

“So that’s it?”

“Huh?” Gavin felt like he did in the occasional dream—dropped into a play without the script, without a clue as to what was expected of him. “What’s it?”

“I’ve disappointed everyone else, it was just a matter time. But I get it.”

“Well, I don’t.” He’d never been more confused—oh hell. “Wait, Jace, I’m not breaking up with you. Is that what you think?”

Jace’s wary expression said yes as clearly as the spoken word. He’d misinterpreted Gavin’s condom warning as some sort of subtle break-up speech, when he’d meant the complete opposite.

“Jace, I care about you, and I want you in my life. The condom thing? All I meant was never risk your health because a guy says he’s clean. Not me, not anyone, ever. It’s not worth taking the chance.” When Jace didn’t reply, he added, “You’ve never disappointed me. Surprised me, confused me, made me happy and turned me the hell on, yes. Never disappointed me.”

“How can you look at me like that?” Jace asked in a small voice.

“Like what?”

“Like you did before I told you about Jordan.”

Gavin’s chest ached. “Because Jordan doesn’t change how I feel about you. No, that’s not true. I think you’re even stronger and braver than before, because you had the courage to tell me something that’s been killing you inside.”

“I feel so dirty.”

“You’re not dirty. Jordan took advantage of you, and I want to kill him for that.”