Tell Me It's Real(84)

“Well, that’s some bullshit if you ask me,” Mom said fiercely.

Vince snorted. “Language.”

“So you moved back because she’s sick?”

“Yeah. She’s… she’s in hospice care over at UMC. She was moved there a couple of weeks ago. It’s supposed to be all hush-hush, given that no one wants to read about something so depressing on the news.” The last part came out bitter.

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Today.”

Oh fucking hell, Vince.

“How did that go?”

“I told her and my dad about Paul.”

My heart skipped a few beats in my chest.

“Did you?” Mom sounded pleased. “And what did they say?”

“That it’s not possible to fall for someone so quickly. That life doesn’t quite work that way.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I just….”

“What?” Mom asked kindly.

He was hesitant. “When you saw Larry for the first time… did you know?”

“Know that I’d be spending the rest of my life with him?”

“Yeah.”

“No. No, I didn’t. It was unrealistic. It wasn’t possible. I forgot about him almost as soon as I’d left the restaurant.”

“Oh.” It was such a disappointed sound that my breath caught in my throat.

My mom continued: “But I knew the second time. When I ran over his foot.”

“You did?” There was hope there, now.

“I did. To be honest, I was so freaked out that I didn’t recognize him as the guy from the restaurant. All I could think about was how much Nana was going to kick my ass when she found out.”

“But then?”

“But then I got so close to his face that I saw him.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “I saw him for what he truly was. A beautiful, kind, loving man, and it took my breath away. So, while I may have not known then that it would be a lifetime, I at least knew I wanted it to be. Right then, I knew.”

“Paul’s….”

“Paul’s not easy, Vince. He never has been. He’s never had the confidence you have. He’s never had the bravado. He’s always been quiet. And shy. And a bit of a loner. But he is brave. He is oh so brave. Even though we tried to stop it as much as we could, he still got picked on for how he looked. How he acted. How he dressed. Other than Sandy, no one really knew what to make of him. He was too gay for the straight boys, too quiet for the girls. Sandy came along, this fierce little diva of a boy, and took him under his wing. I don’t… I don’t know what would have happened to him without Sandy. As much as a mother wants to be there for her son, as much as she wants to take away all the little hurts until everything is better again, there’s no way I could have done it completely. Nor could his father. It took someone like Sandy to bring him out of his shell. He’s gotten better. So much better than he used to be.”

“He’s the bravest person I know,” Vince said without a trace of irony. “And he’s kind. Do you know how kind your son is?”

Mom laughed. “I might know a thing or two about that. But he’s humble about it, Vince. He doesn’t want people making a big deal out of those little acts that he does. He wants them to be known, but not necessarily acknowledged.”

“Why doesn’t he know what he’s worth? Can’t he see he’s worth more than all the rest of us combined?”

My eyes burned and I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. My feet felt stuck to the floor. He couldn’t have been talking about me. He couldn’t have been meaning me. He’d gotten me confused with someone else. He wasn’t thinking right. He couldn’t have meant me.

“I don’t think he knows,” my mother said slowly, “because other than us, I don’t think there’s been anyone to tell him.”

“I will. I promise. I promise I will. Every day.”

“Vince?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you care for my son?”

There was no hesitation. “With my whole heart.”

“Why haven’t you told him about your parents?”

He sighed again. “I didn’t want to freak him out. I didn’t want to have to lay all my crap on him all at once. There’s something… there’s something peaceful about being near him. It calms me down. It clears my head. With him, I don’t have to worry about all the other bullshit that’s going on. I don’t have to wonder why I’m not smart enough, or why I’m not good enough. Paul doesn’t care about that stuff. I’m not smart, Matty. I know that. I say dumb stuff sometimes, and most of the time, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t even understand what Paul says half the time, but it doesn’t matter to me because it doesn’t matter to him. I think he likes me just the way I am, and I’ve never had that before. Not really. I don’t have to be anyone else but myself with Paul, and I think that’s okay with him.”