He snorted. “Thanks. I think that might be hot. Sort of. I meant who’s Daddy Charlie?”
“That’d be me,” Charlie said as huffed up the stairs behind us. “And you are?” Then he saw who was asking, and he widened his eyes and started laughing. “Looks like Paul certainly had an interesting week,” he said to Helena.
“He most certainly has. I told you at the show on Wednesday that our little Paulie was going to be just full of surprises. Turns out that Vince has an ass to die for and Paul just couldn’t resist following it around everywhere.” She winked at me. “Isn’t that right, baby doll?”
Of course I sputtered. “I didn’t… I don’t even know… you hush your mouth… bike shorts… he was wearing bike shorts….”
Helena and Charlie shared a knowing look. “Our little boy is growing up so fast,” Helena sniffed.
“I knew you liked my ass,” Vince told me smugly.
“I got over it quickly,” I lied through my teeth.
“I want to see what’s got our Paul so twisted up in knots,” Charlie said.
Vince immediately dropped his hand to the button on his jeans. Charlie and Helena grinned lecherously before I stepped in. “I don’t think that’s quite necessary,” I said with a glare. “And do you just take off your pants for anybody?” I growled at Vince.
“Only for people who ask nicely,” he said.
“You’re a big, fat whore.”
He leaned in and kissed me. “Not a very nice thing to say to your boyfriend.”
“Blech.”
“You got five minutes,” Charlie said to Helena.
“You coming down to the floor tonight, sugar?” she asked me. “I promise I won’t pull you on stage this time.”
“He’ll be down there,” Vince said. “He’s got to meet Darren tonight. He doesn’t get to hide up here.”
Helena beamed at Vince. “Oh, baby doll. How I adore you right now.”
“I’m glad people talk about me like I’m not even here,” I grumbled to Charlie.
“Boy, you lost the right to think for yourself over your shenanigans last weekend. You’re lucky you weren’t here on Wednesday when Helena told me what you were up to. I was planning on an ass beating that you’d never forget.”
I grinned at him. “You promise, Daddy?”
He snorted. “Don’t tempt me, boy. You’re lucky Vince is up here right now with you. I wouldn’t have believed you otherwise and your pants would be around your ankles and your butt would be smarting something awful.”
“Did you guys used to date or something?” Vince asked. He was trying to keep his voice even, but I could hear the strain behind it. The smile had faded from his face, and he glanced between the two of us as if he could see something no one else could.
Charlie grinned evilly. “Oh, am I going to like you.”
“Don’t you encourage him,” I scolded Charlie. “You’re gonna end up getting me in trouble for something I haven’t even done.”
“Paul likes to be spanked,” he told Vince.
“I do not!”
“Just take your big old hand and bring it down on that ass. It’ll get nice and pink and he’ll squeal for you like a little bitch. Give him some nice coloring to match his wall-face bruise.”
“A home, Charlie. Remember that. I will put you in a home. With leaky roofs and an all-female nursing staff.”
“They’re just messing with you, sugar,” Helena said to Vince. “Paul doesn’t do stuff like spanking. His idea of kink is having a gang bang with six black guys who have names like D’Wayne and The Dominator.”
“You guys are the poster children for why people shouldn’t have friends,” I muttered.
“That explains the big black dildo under his bed,” Vince said thoughtfully.
Shocked silence. Helena slowly turned to me, eyes flashing. I glared at my traitorous boyfriend quickly before schooling my face. “That explains the big what, Paul?”
“I have no idea what he’s talking about.” I pretended I had something on my hands worth staring at intently.
“Boy, you holding out on us?” Charlie asked. He had this annoying little gleam in his eye.
“Paul has a box full of dongs under his bed,” Vince explained, obviously proud of himself for being the world’s biggest jerk. “I read in his diary that he uses them all the time and thinks about me.”
“I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you.”