The Wright Mistake(53)

“I know. There’s nothing any of us can do for Sutton, except be there for her. And, right now…we can’t do anything. So, let me take care of you. It’s the only thing I can do.”

She looked up at me with unblinking wide eyes. “I really want a drink.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “I can do that.”

“Fuck, Austin. No. No, no, no.” She pressed her hands hard into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have a drink. Definitely not around you. That’s horrible.”

I sank to my knees before this beautiful woman. “You’re hurting. It’s perfectly normal to want to numb the pain.”

“Don’t.”

“I won’t drink with you.”

“It’s mean.”

“It’s okay, Jules,” I said, drawing her hands away from her face.

“It’s not okay. None of this is okay.”

“Julia.”

She finally looked down at me. I kissed both her hands.

“None of this is going to get better today. Not for Sutton. Not for you. Not for anyone. Beating yourself up for how you’re feeling isn’t going to help anything. If you want a drink, I’ll pour you one. I’ll take care of you. Just let me take care of you.”

“Oh, Austin,” she whispered.

Her lips brushed against mine. I felt the pain in that small movement. My Julia was broken, and there was next to nothing I could do about it. But I did what I could.

I swept her up into my arms. She buried her face into my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck, and clung to me. I brought her into the bathroom and gently set her back on her feet. After I turned the shower on, I took my time stripping her out of the sticky clothes she’d worn to the Fourth of July parade. I kissed her once more before moving her under the hot water. She shivered under the spray as I removed all of my clothes and followed her inside. I lathered a loofah with the cherry body soap and washed the sweat off her skin.

Once she was clean, I helped her out of the shower and toweled her off. She wrapped her hair up in a towel. I saw some of the hollowness had left her eyes, but she was still out of it.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course.”

I urged her into bed. She disappeared under the covers. I pulled on my boxers and found a small liquor shelf in her kitchen. It had two bottles of top-shelf gin and a full bottle of Maker’s Mark. My fingers itched for the Maker’s.

I stood there, momentarily paralyzed. I’d told Julia I wouldn’t drink with her. I’d told her that it was okay that she had a drink. And it was okay.

This was one of the most stressful days of my life. It wouldn’t just be a drink to get the edge off of withdrawal. It wouldn’t be a casual drink with friends. This was the day my brother-in-law died. My sister became a widow. My nephew, fatherless. It was okay to drink today. I could be strong for Jules, but I wasn’t strong today.

My hand tightened around the bottle of whiskey, and I brought it down to the counter. Just one. I only needed one.

I tipped a shot into the glass and tipped it back. My hands were still shaking when I set it down. The drink had done nothing. I still ached. Nothing was numb. I’d need to bury myself in that bottle for it to fucking do anything. And I wouldn’t do that to Julia. Not when she needed me right now. One would have to do.

I shoved the Maker’s back on the shelf with a force that I couldn’t control and made Julia her gin and tonic. Before I went back to the bedroom, I rummaged through the junk drawer until I found a pack of gum. Spearmint. I hoped that would cover the whiskey on my breath. I popped two pieces in my mouth. Then, I snagged Waffle, who was on a chair in the corner, and brought the unicorn in with me.

She winced when she saw the drink in my hand but actually cracked a smile at the unicorn. I offered both to her. She snuggled up with Waffle as she downed her drink like a professional. I would know. I wouldn’t have minded a drink that size either. But not today.

I slipped into bed next to her, drawing her over to snuggle me. I didn’t care that it was the middle of the day. Reality was a train wreck at the moment.

“You know, Jules, with everything that happened today, I don’t want any more regrets in my life.”

“Mmhmm?”

“I know we might have started out in a fucked up way. That we’ve had our ups and downs. But all I could think when I found out about Mav was that…they didn’t get enough time. Not by a long shot. They were only married for a year and a half.”

“I know,” she said, sniffling again.

“Life is so uncertain. I don’t want us wasting our moment.”

“We’re not wasting our moment, Austin.”