“Awful.”
“I always thought she was the lucky one.”
“How?”
“She doesn’t really remember them. She didn’t have to have their shadows following her around. She’s shone brighter and loved easier and felt deeper.” He ran a hand back through his hair shakily. “And then this happens. How much can one person take?”
I had no answer to that. I was a testament to enduring a lot through life. I’d come out ahead, but I hadn’t seen the light through the tunnel. Not for a long time. And, still, I hadn’t gone through what Sutton was going through now.
“I’m really worried that she’s going to lose all that brightness and joy,” he said. “She doesn’t know how much she’s the glue to our family. The optimism to our pessimism. The idealism to our cynicism. I wouldn’t blame her if she did. She’s lost a piece of herself. But I hate it for her.”
“She’ll come back to herself,” I said. “You just have to be there for her when she needs you. And she’ll need you. All of you.”
“And you.”
“Me?”
“You were there when it happened.”
“I suppose I was.”
“You’ll always be ingrained in the memory of that day. She’ll need you, too.”
I smiled sadly and slunk into the passenger side. We drove across town to Jensen’s house. The wake was open to a lot more people than the funeral had been. The Wrights congregated in the kitchen, pretending to sort dishes for all the guests who had come to pay their respects.
No one spoke.
Landon and Heidi hovered over the desserts. She would glance down at the diamond ring on her finger every now and then. I could practically read the thoughts going on in her head. What would she do if the same thing happened to her?
Emery couldn’t seem to stand still without Jensen. She kept arranging and rearranging plates and silverware until her sister showed up to calm her down.
Morgan and Patrick were standing close together. Not close enough to touch. But close enough that they almost looked like a couple. They weren’t. But even they didn’t realize that this tragedy had pushed them together.
Austin and I were the last ones to arrive. I picked at a plate of food and eventually gave up on eating anything. Food roiled in my stomach. Nothing helped.
Eventually, Sutton, Jensen, and Jason showed up. Everyone tittered around them like birds showering them with condolences and shared memories of Maverick. Sutton kept a strong face through all of it, but I could tell that she wanted to leave. She wanted it all to be over with.
“Let’s get some air,” Austin suggested.
I nodded absentmindedly and swiped a stray tear from my eye. We snuck out the back door to Jensen’s massive backyard. Austin tugged me over to a park bench under a shady tree.
“You looked like you were about to hyperventilate,” he said.
“Yeah. It was hard to breathe in there. I don’t know how Sutton’s doing it.”
“Jules, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
“About what?”
“Us,” he said, entwining our fingers. “I wasted two years without you all because of some idiotic reason. I shouldn’t have feared my feelings for you. This is what I want. You are what I want.”
I smiled and gently brought my lips up to his. “You are what I want, too. I appreciate you taking care of me during the last week.”
“I plan to do it for the rest of my life.”
My mouth dropped open. “That’s a bold statement.”
He laughed at himself and nodded. “It is. It really is.”
“You want to be with me for the rest of your life?”
“Yes. One day, I’m going to be the man you deserve. Then, I’m going to put a ring on your finger,” he said, sliding the pad of his finger down my left ring finger. “Going to give you my name and make you mine forever.”
My heart constricted at his words. Forever. I hadn’t been able to think about forever in so long. It was only during the last couple of years that I had thought about having a future at all. And, now, I was giving it over to this man. Someone who thought he didn’t deserve me in some way. It was almost laughable.
“You’re already the man I deserve.”
He laughed. “I assure you, I’m not. But I’m going to get there.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. There was so much about me that Austin didn’t know. So much I wanted to confide in him. How could I accept that he wanted me forever without him knowing the truth? How could I want him forever without him knowing exactly what he was getting himself into? I was going to have to risk him hating me.