Ugly(134)
I love you, Lily.
Dad.
PS: You are worth it.
Tears are falling on the aged, yellowing paper and I re-read it over and over again.
A warm hand is placed on my shoulder, and I nuzzle into it. Max doesn’t need to say anything. And I don’t have the urge to speak either.
Instead, I sit on the sofa, cross-legged and just stare out the window.
I have not left Max’s apartment. I’ve stayed curled up on the sofa, or in his bed the entire time. Max invited Shayne and Liam over, and they came on Tuesday night. Shayne read the file, and all I could hear from her was an occasional gasp or an odd ‘damn’.
Max called Peter and told him I won’t be in to work for the week, and why. Peter offered to come see me, but Max diplomatically declined.
And last night, Max had arranged for Katherine to come talk to me. She was here for hours, Max was nothing less than the gentleman he’d always been. He gave us privacy by going to my apartment, and brought me food when she left.
Today, I’ve started to eat again. Finally, after the intensive talk with Katherine, I’m finally able to start comprehending it all.
“I still want to go to New York,” I say to Max who’s making me something to eat.
“We can go next week.”
“No.” I stand from where I’ve been lying. “We’re going this weekend.” I see Max’s lips turn up into a smirk. “I’m going to call Jolene.”
“Okay, but I’m not traveling coach. If they can’t fly us first class, I’ll pay to fly us first class. And tell her…actually, just tell her I’ll take care of the flights and the accommodations.”
“Okay,” I say as I head to Max’s bedroom, where he brought my laptop in case I wanted to do some work.
I open up the emails, and jot down Jolene’s number, then call. The receptionist puts me through immediately.
“Lily, I thought you weren’t interested,” Jolene says when she answers the call.
“My sincere apologies, but I had some family matters come up. But I’m back now, and I’d like to take you up on your offer to come speak to you in New York. But I’ll make all relevant arrangements regarding flights and accommodation.”
“Great, do you think you can come into the office on Saturday?”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
“Okay, well how about we make it ten in the morning?”
“Fantastic, thank you.”
“I’ll email you the address and a list of hotels nearby.”
“Thank you.” We hang up and I go out to find Max watching TV. “I told her we’d be taking care of the hotel and flights.”
“Great, I’ll make the arrangements.”
“She’s sending me an email with the address and nearby hotels.”
“Okay. Come sit here.” He taps the sofa beside him then lifts the remote to turn the TV off. “You look better.” I go and snuggle into his side.
“I feel better, almost like I’m normal. At least I know now I did nothing wrong. But, I want to go see all their graves. I think I need to in order to put that part of my life to rest.”
“When do you want to go?”
“Now, after I have a shower.” I stand from the sofa and stretch. I pick up the paper that has the address of the cemetery.
“I’ll go get ready, too. But you do realize, it’s a good five hours away.” He stands and starts to walk in toward his room.
I nod my head. “I’m going to go back to my apartment. I need to wash and get changed and just start to feel like myself.”
“Do you want to wait and I’ll come with you?”
“No, I need to go and do it on my own. I’m seeing Katherine tomorrow morning, and I want to be able to say I’ve been there. I can’t keep holding onto this, I need to move forward.” I tilt my head to the side and lift an eyebrow. “Or at least start to move forward.”
“Whatever you need, I’ll be here.” He kisses my temple and leaves me to leave.
I stand and look down at the three small grave markers that have been destroyed by graffiti. Max has his arm wrapped around my waist.
“This is strange,” I say as I continue to look at the three graves. “I’ve never known them to be loving, or even really coherent, but I feel something.”
“What do you feel?”
“Like my heart has broken, as if a part of me has been ripped apart and I can’t put it back together. It’s weird, because I don’t even know them, especially Wade, but I love him.”
Max remains quiet, but he holds me closer to him, allowing me to use his body to steady myself. Eventually, I sit on the grass, and just stare. Max moves away, giving me privacy to do what I need in order to deal with this entire situation.