Ugly(137)

“Ladies and gentleman, please prepare for takeoff,” the captain says over the loud speaker.

I react violently to his announcement. I feel like I’m going to be sick, my heart is racing right out of my chest and there’s a knot the size of Texas sitting in the pit of my stomach. “Do you need a sick bag? You’re looking really white,” Max offers as he indicates for the air hostess to come over.

“I think that may be a good idea. I’m not feeling my best,” I say.

“Sir, can I help you?” the cute blonde says to Max.

“An air bag please.”

She looks at Max and squints as if he’s speaking an ancient language. It’s times like this I realize how bad Max’s stutter can be. She doesn’t know what he’s saying, even though I no longer hear it. “I’m going to be sick,” I say before Max repeats himself and feels bad because she’s struggling to understand him.

The air hostess comes back with two, very thick, white bags and hands them to me. “Anything else I can help you with?” she asks sympathetically. I shake my head and go back to concentrating on my breathing.

Within a few moments the plane is taking off, and I’m gripping onto Max’s arm as if we’re about to fall out of the sky. We’re up and gliding before I know it, and my ears are desperate to pop. I yawn, and yawn and try everything. Finally, holding my nose and sealing my lips, I blow air out and my ears pop. “That’s better,” I say relieved my head has been depressurized.

Max has been sitting beside me, wordlessly suffering as my nails dig into him and watching me as I try to acclimatize myself to the cabin pressure in the plane. He of course has a wicked smirk on his face, and he looks completely amused at my total inexperience with flying. “Better?” he asks once my ears pop.

“Yeah. But I could do with a drink. Some water.”

Max presses the buzzer and when the flight attendant comes, I order us two waters. She returns fairly rapidly, and I open my bottle and drink virtually half of it in one go. “Thirsty?” Max pointedly looks toward my water bottle.

“Nervous,” I answer.

“Now, tell me about Katherine. How did it go?”

“Really well. I told her about everything, showed her the letter Dad wrote me. She says I’m doing well, and you know what? I actually feel like I am. She says it’s because I’m ready to move on with everything, but I just need some help along the way. I don’t think I’ll ever have a time without seeing her, but I may be able to cope with not seeing her every week. But for now, I really think I need her and how she helps me understand things.”

Max sips on his water. “But you’ve always been far beyond your years. Maybe that day will come sooner, rather than later.”

I half chuckle and look around me. The seats in first class aren’t too close together, but they’re close enough for other people to hear if we’re speaking at a normal tone. I lower my voice and answer, “That’s because I was forced to grow up and become as self-sufficient as I could be from a young age. I may be mature, but I’ve missed out on so many things, too. Up until now I’ve never been on a plane, or a boat for that matter, or even a train. I’ve never been to an amusement park, or the theatre or even a museum. I never went on any field trips at school, or my high school prom. I haven’t experienced any of the things that mold us to be the adults we are. Instead, I was making my own lunch at the age of six. After Wade died, Mom took me to school for a week then told me to find my own way there and back. When I got head lice at the age of eight because it was going around school, I cut my own hair because I didn’t know how to get them out. I had the same toothbrush for years, and finally got a new one when Mom died, because I took hers. These aren’t things a kid should ever go through, but I did.”

Max lifts his hand and cups my face, delicately running his thumb under my left eye. I close my eyes and lean into his gentle and warm touch. “You’re so strong, Snowflake.”

“Thank you.”

I open my eyes to his own heated, darkening gaze looking at me. “I’m glad you asked me to come along. Because I also have something planned we’ll be doing over the weekend. New York City is beautiful and busy. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. There are people everywhere, and yellow cabs, my God, cabs as far as the eye can see. I’ve got a busy few days lined up for us. But tonight, once we get to our hotel, it’ll be nice and easy. A massage, and then dinner.”

I smile at Max. “You’re going to give me a massage?”