Turbulent Desires(3)

She said nothing, her body ramrod straight, her shoulder aching as she  pushed it even harder against the wall as she tried to move farther  away. She was barely able to hold herself together, and this wouldn't  help her at all.

Her shallow breaths became tiny little pants as her vision blurred,  little black dots sparking in front of her. If she didn't pull it  together fast, she was going to pass out. That was the last thing she  wanted. Who knew what would happen?

"You need to breathe, Lindsey."         

     



 

His low voice was meant to be soothing, but his words only made her  panic escalate. She bit her lip, and instead of taking a much-needed  deep breath, she stopped breathing altogether, and those flashing black  dots became larger as her head began spinning.

"Seriously, you have to breathe," Maverick told her.

She felt his fingers settle against her leg and a small squeak escaped  her tight throat as she felt darkness trying to pull her under. Before  she sank into the abyss, though, Maverick's strong fingers were gripping  her shoulders, turning her toward him, and shaking her.

The motion caused her to take in a deep breath and her gaze  unintentionally locked on his worried eyes. The spots that had been  dancing in front of her cleared, and she couldn't turn away.

He said nothing else as he waited for her to process what was going on.  The worry she saw in him helped clear up her muddled brain. Still, it  took a few more moments before she was able to open her lips.

"Don't touch me," she said, her words a harsh whisper.

"You need to be touched, Lindsey. You're falling apart," he told her.

The words weren't said cruelly, more matter-of-factly, but that didn't stop the wince she felt through her entire body.

"You know nothing about me, Maverick. Just because the two of us had one  night together at my best friend's wedding doesn't give you the right  to try and analyze me."

She needed to get away from this man and get away fast. She was falling apart. Coming to the funeral had been a mistake.

"This has nothing to do with our night together," he said, his eyes  narrowing the tiniest bit. He obviously hadn't liked that comment.

"I just want to be left alone," she told him. She needed to go, but she was trapped between the wall and Maverick.

Twisting her head, she looked behind her. No one was there. She was in  the last row of seats. She could vault over it and run through the  doors, probably without anyone even noticing.

"That's what you keep telling everyone, Lins, but I think remaining  alone is the worst thing you can possibly do," he said, his fingers  moving against her shoulders in what she assumed he thought was a  comforting gesture. It was anything but.

"I needed to say good-bye to Ted. But I've done that. I want to go now.  Please let me leave," she said, hating her pleading tone.

Surprisingly, Maverick let her go, but he didn't scoot away.

"He was a friend of mine too. But I came here to find you since you've refused to see me. I want to help you, Lins."

The sincerity in his voice couldn't possibly be faked. She wouldn't  claim to know this man, not after only a single night-a very passionate  night, but still, only a single night with him.

It was just too complicated. Even before the attack, it had been too  complicated. Now it was impossible. Lindsey was broken. She knew she  would never be the same again. And being around Maverick, who had more  energy and life flowing through him than anyone else she'd ever met,  hurt her so much more than the stab wounds that had been inflicted upon  her body.

"There is no helping me," she told him, quiet resignation in her tone.

He winced as if her words were causing him physical pain.

Lindsey couldn't sit there and keep talking to him. She decided to make a  break for it. Grabbing her purse, she stood up, her head going a little  light again at the speed with which she did it. But before she could  launch herself over the back of the pew, Maverick was standing next to  her, his hand once again gripping her arm.

"I'll walk you out."

He didn't let go. He led her from the church just as the organ music  began to let the patrons know the funeral was about to start. Maverick  said nothing as they exited the giant doorway and then moved to the  parking lot.

"Let me go," she said to him again. He just ignored her as he moved toward his truck and opened the passenger door.

"I need to make sure you get home safely," he said as he held out a hand, indicating he wanted her to get in.

"I'm not your responsibility," she said, her anger rising.

She was thrilled at the anger. It was so much better than the constant  emotional pain she'd been feeling since the attack. But as soon as it  engulfed her, it fizzled back out, leaving her feeling even more empty  than she'd felt before.

He didn't say anything more to her, just waited. And Lindsey was  suddenly too tired to keep fighting this man. She climbed into his truck  and sat down, her body pressed against the side of the door as soon as  he shut it.

Maverick tried talking to her more on the drive back to her place, but  she didn't respond. The day had been too exhausting and she had nothing  left in her.         

     



 

When they reached her apartment, she didn't even question the fact that  he knew where she lived. It had been nearly a year since Stormy's  wedding to Maverick's brother Cooper.

Lindsey had fallen hard for Maverick and had spent an amazingly  passionate night making love to the man. He could really make love like  nobody's business. It had been the greatest night of her life. But she'd  known in the morning that it couldn't continue.

Stormy was like a sister to her and Lindsey would see Maverick at too  many social gatherings for them to have a casual affair or, even worse,  get in a relationship that could end very badly.

So even though the man had pursued her, she'd resisted. Now, she didn't want anyone in her life-ever again.

"Lindsey-"

"Please just respect me enough to leave me alone," Lindsey told him as they reached her front door.

A flash of different emotions ran through Maverick's eyes, but Lindsey was relieved when resignation settled on his face.

"I'll give you some time. But I know you need me. I'll be back."

He stood there as she entered her empty apartment and shut the door. She  leaned against the door as his footsteps retreated. Lindsey sank to the  floor as the day settled in on her, and she wept into her hands.

Time would do nothing for her. Lindsey didn't think there was anything  that would ever sew up the wounds in her soul-not even Maverick  Armstrong.





CHAPTER TWO

One year later



Lindsey knew she needed to move. She couldn't allow fear to define her.  But even knowing this, she sat in the bright window seat as the sun  continued to rise higher in the sky, its piercing summer rays mocking  her dark mood.

Soon she would find joy in life again. She'd had plenty of time to  recover, but the thought of just going on as if nothing had ever  happened didn't appeal at all. She wasn't yet ready to face the real  world. Heck, she could barely face the guesthouse and the hospital she  dreaded going to. Even after a year had passed, each night before bed  she roamed the small cottage triple checking that all the locks were  securely in place before she attempted to fall asleep. The lights were  never turned off.

She wanted-needed-to feel normal again, but she wasn't quite sure how  she was supposed to accomplish that. Trusting people and venturing back  out was something she knew she needed to do, but she couldn't quite  manage to talk herself into living life normally again.

There was a knock on her door before she heard the key in the lock and  then watched as the knob turned. Even though she knew it was Stormy,  since she was the only other person to have a key to the cottage, her  heart still thundered as she watched her barrier against the world begin  to push open.

"I have donuts, coffee, and homemade granola bars just to add a healthy  kick to the meal," Stormy said as she walked into the room carrying a  tray.

Her heart still thundering, Lindsey gave her best friend a smile, or at  least the shadow of a smile, which she hoped was at least somewhat  convincing. She slowly began to calm down.

"Thanks, Stormy. You know you don't need to keep waiting on me hand and  foot," Lindsey told her as she accepted the cup of coffee and curled her  legs up under her on the window seat.

"Showing up with snacks isn't waiting on you. It's being a good friend," Stormy assured her as she settled on the next cushion.

"Well, you do bring good snacks, but I feel bad when I take you away from the baby so much," Lindsey said with a sigh.

"I love having you here, and you never take away time from my family  because you are a part of it," Stormy told her. "And I'm trying to give  you space. You know I would much rather you stayed in the main house,  but at least you're close enough that I can sleep at night," Stormy  continued as she reached out to pat her hand.