Turbulent Desires(8)

It also didn't help that life in the ER wasn't something a person could  do at half-attention. ERs were full of hard-headed, controlling,  stubborn egomaniacs and it took a lot of energy and patience to do her  job. Maverick had once made a point about pilots having attitude because  they could do something most of the world couldn't. Doctors weren't far  behind them in that same way of thinking. Lindsey looked around the  area that had been her home for years. There were so many stories she  could tell, and some she did, leaving out patients' names of course. But  some instances were just too dang absurd not to share with a best  friend. Sometimes she didn't believe something had happened until she  told another nonmedical friend about it.

There were the patients you knew on a first-name basis, who always  seemed to have a menial problem of some sort, but in actuality were  looking for drugs or for a familiar face and someone to be kind to them.

A good medical person learned the difference really quick between someone truly needing help and someone who wanted a fix.

Lindsey's favorite patients were the seniors whom she'd grown attached  to because they spent more time in the ER than she did. Some of them had  nobody who cared about them but the medical personnel. She'd had many  honorary grandparents in her years of nursing.

At one time, Lindsey had thrived in the hospital. Now, it brought her  too much fear each time the doors opened. The charge nurse had put her  on day shift, knowing she would need other staff members around her. But  still, the hospital wasn't the safety net it had once been.         

     



 

There was a time she'd thought of no other place safer. It was where  death was pushed back and lives that were tossed aside as a lost cause  were miraculously saved. The hospital was comfort and love, open arms  and escape.

But now, that feeling was gone. Now it was a place where attacks could turn deadly.

None of that should matter. She'd been back for months and she refused  to let her fears keep kicking her back down. She refused to live her  life in fear. She was a grown up, and having a career was what  responsible people did. They didn't quit when the going got rough.

Making it through the hard times and coming out a better person was what  defined a human being. She wouldn't be defined as a quitter, though  tucking her tail and running had become a thing for her for too long.  She certainly was running from Maverick-but that wasn't something she  would feel guilty about.

The man was lethal, after all, and part of being a responsible person  was knowing when you couldn't win a battle. Any type of skirmishes with  Maverick were bound to go in his favor.

One thing she did love about being an ER nurse, though, was that she  needed to be sharp, able to make decisions fast. Sometimes her decision  would mean the difference between a patient living or dying. She also  had to know when it was a true emergency and when it was somebody trying  to take advantage of the system. She had to be confident.

There wasn't time for her to be weak or afraid.

"Spill the beans, Lins. You've been rushing from one place to the other  ever since you got here, and I want to know why that hunk of a man who  was here yesterday was eyeing you like you were exclusively his," Betty,  the young blonde nurse said when Lindsey sat down to do some notes on  her files.

Dang it. She'd been hoping the nosy nurse would be busy for a while, and  she could slip in and out of the nurses' station before she got  cornered into talking about something she had no idea what to say to.

"He's my best friend's brother-in-law. That's all. He broke his arm and  needed a ride," she said, trying to make her voice sound bored.

"You don't think you're really going to get away with that, do you?" Betty persisted.

"Really. That's all he is." She certainly wasn't going to tell the hospital gossip that she'd slept with the man.

Maverick really was nothing to her. Yet each time she saw him, he was  more appealing. It was truly a shame, actually. There were so many men  out there who didn't have a thing going for them, yet God had seen fit  to give this man every desirable feature anyone could ever want.

His piercing green eyes, broad shoulders, and dark hair made her want to  have a redo of their one night together. That was saying something  after what she'd been through. Maverick was the definition of the  ultimate man-candy, plus he was absolutely noncommittal in  relationships, which meant a fling with him would not lead to a lot of  headaches. She wasn't interested in a fling, though. But the fact that  he always seemed to be around made her wonder.

Despite her wanting her privacy, it was hard to resist him.

"Fine. You don't have to tell me anything," she said, but then her eyes  lit up. "I'll stop bugging you if you agree to go out with us tonight."

"What?"

It had been so long since any of the staff had tried to get her to go  out with them. She'd made excuses for so long that they'd eventually  given up. It appeared that with Mav's appearance yesterday, they were  starting their efforts again.

"I don't know," she said, trying to figure a way to get out of it without seeming rude about it.

"Come on, Lins. You haven't gone out with us in a long time. We all miss you," Betty persisted.

The guilt was working. She really had hibernated for long enough. Maybe  if she began some of her old routines again, she would get over the one  man she knew better than to get involved with.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to go out for a little while," she conceded.

The way Betty's face lit up made Lindsey feel bad that she had sort of  abandoned all her friends. They had tried for so long to be there for  her, but she had been determined to get through things her own way.

That way hadn't been helping her, so maybe it really was time to try something new.

Betty got paged away and the rest of the day began to go by in a blur.  As the afternoon began winding down, Lindsey even found herself looking  forward to spending time with the girls.

It really did help that, as the staff found out she was going out with  them, more girls joined in. It made her feel loved and comforted that no  one had given up on her even if she had given up on herself.         

     



 

What a fool she had been.





CHAPTER SEVEN

The music was blaring, the crowd in a near frenzy as they danced and  drank and looked for a potential partner to take home for the night.

And Lindsey Helm was ready to go home-alone. Being out with the girls  was nice and no one mentioned her absence or the attack or anything that  would make her feel uncomfortable. However, she couldn't change her  outlook.

So much had changed for her in the past year. And even if she wanted to  pretend she was still the same person, she wasn't and never would be  again. Maybe it also had to do with the fact that she was exhausted. A  lack of sleep did mess with the brain and make it a lot harder to have a  good time and truly let go.

Even though she was at the upscale club in Seattle with her coworkers,  she still had a part of her that felt there was danger everywhere she  looked. Lindsey knew exactly where every exit was located and she was  ready to bolt at a moment's notice.

It was nice to be out with her friends, but what she really wanted was  to be in her pajamas with a bowl of ice cream while watching reruns of  Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Cheesy? Yes. Fun? Definitely. There was just  something about an immortal vampire that sent good feelings to all the  right places, and Angel was one hell of a dark hero.

Shaking that thought away, she pushed her way to the bathroom, stood in  line for a half hour, and then tried to make her way back through the  nightclub. The noise and lights were beginning to give her a headache.  She'd been out with the girls for two hours already. She could possibly  get away from them without hurting anyone's feelings.

She was disappointed that she didn't have to work the next day. That  would have given her a valid excuse. Maybe it would be better to just  suffer through it this one time. The next time she came out, it would be  easier and each time after that much easier.

Sighing, she plastered a smile on her face as she got closer to her  table. The girls really were being so good to her. She didn't want to  ruin it.

"Are you enjoying the music, Lins?" Betty asked, her cheeks flushed from the heat and the amount of alcohol she'd consumed.

"Yes. It's great. I'm so glad you included me," Lindsey told her, hoping she sounded convincing.

"You know you're always welcome," Betty said.

The next hour went by in a blur, and then Lindsey finally saw her  opportunity when one of the other nurses made her excuses to leave for  the evening.

"I'd better go too," Lins said with an exaggerated yawn. "My day started too early."

There were a few protests, but no one seemed upset.

Lindsey quickly made her escape, reveling in her freedom as she neared  the exit-that was, until she was grabbed from behind. Instant panic  closed her throat as Lindsey's body tensed. Every nightmare she'd faced  in the past year flooded her. But this time Lindsey was more prepared.  She'd taken a self-defense class. She wouldn't ever be taken so easily  again. Turning quickly, she raised her fists and got ready to strike.