Thoughtful(185)

Clenching my hand around the necklace, I shoved it under the bed; I wasn’t ready to give it to her yet. “What are you doing here? We talked about this. You shouldn’t be here.”

“How could you do that?” she asked, her eyes glistening.

“What?” I had done so much, I wasn’t sure what she was referring to anymore.

“Sing that song to me…in front of everyone. You killed me.” Her voice broke as she dropped onto the bed.

My emotional night rolled over me, churning my conflicting desires. “It’s what needs to happen, Kiera.”

“You wrote that days ago…when you were gone?”

I couldn’t answer her right away. I knew she wouldn’t understand. She’d argue, she’d disagree with every word I spoke, but I knew where this was heading. I’d always known. “Yes. I know where this is going, Kiera. I know who you’ll choose, who you’ve always chosen.”

She surprised me by not arguing. Another sign that she was beginning to accept the truth. Denny had her heart, not me. “Sleep with me tonight,” she blurted out in a trembling voice.

I felt like she’d just punched me in the gut. “Kiera, we can’t…”

Her voice was soft when she answered me. “No…literally. Just hold me, please.”

Hold her…one last time? Yes, I could do that. Lying back on the bed, I held my arms open for her. Regardless of our hazy future and complicated past, my arms would always be open for her. She snuggled into my side, her arm over me, her legs tangled with mine, her head nuzzled in my shoulder. My chest pounded with pain. I’ll have to give this up soon…

Kiera sniffled and I squeezed my eyes shut and held her tighter. I don’t want to let her go…A wavering sigh escaped me as I tried to hold in my grief. I wish this wasn’t happening…

In the silence building with painful restraint, Kiera spoke the words that were crashing through my heart. “Don’t leave me.”

A near sob escaped me, but I choked it back. “Kiera…” I whispered, kissing her head and clutching her tight. I have to.

She looked up at me with wet cheeks and grieved eyes. “Please stay…stay with me. Don’t go.”

I closed my eyes to block out her pain and felt my own tears rolling down my cheeks. “It’s the right thing to do, Kiera.”

“Baby, we’re finally together, don’t end this.”

Opening my eyes, I ran a finger down her cheek. Her words sounded so right, but I knew they weren’t. “That’s just it. We’re not together…”

“Don’t say that. We are. I just need time…and I need you to stay. I can’t bear the thought of you leaving.” Her hands cupped my cheeks as she brought her lips to mine.

It took a lot of willpower, but I pulled away. “You won’t leave him, Kiera, and I can’t share you. Where does that leave us? He’s going to figure it out if I stay. That leaves us with one option…I go.” Agony wrenched my throat shut, and I swallowed through the harshness so I could finish speaking. “I wish things were different. I wish I’d known you first. I wish I was your first. I wish you would choose me—”

“I do!” she exclaimed, cutting me off.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I was terrified that if I did anything or said anything, Kiera would take back the words she’d just said. And I didn’t want her to take them back. I’d been waiting my entire life to hear those words, to hear that someone wanted me more than anyone else. I hadn’t realized, until this very moment, just how badly I’d wanted to be chosen. And now I was scared to death that that was going to be taken away from me.

Kiera stared at me for achingly long seconds. My heart thudded against my rib cage while I waited for her to speak, to take it back, to rip everything I’d ever wanted away from me. Kill me, Kiera…or save me.

A slow smile spread over Kiera’s face. It did nothing to calm the anxiety building inside me. “I do choose you, Kellan.” Her brows drew together as she searched my face. “Do you understand me?”

Did I? She was choosing me. She wanted me. She was…mine? She was really mine? I get…to keep her. I get to love her. I get to have this? It all felt so wrong, so unbelievable, so temporary…but…what if it wasn’t?

Rolling her onto her back, I pressed my body against hers, grabbed her face, and lowered my mouth to hers. Finally. We were panting, frantic and eager. She ran her hands through my hair, igniting me. I ripped off her tank top. Nothing would be between us now. I pulled off my shirt, then her pants. I was working on my jeans when Kiera breathlessly pulled away from me.