The Stillness Of You(31)

I'm sure the food tasted great, but I could barely get anything down.   Ben's mom had been studying me between smiles and polite talk for about   twenty minutes and I wished she would just turn the other way.  Something  was coming, I could feel it.

"So, Georgia," Eve Lancaster said casually.

Here we go.

My cheeks ached from the fake smile I plastered to my face and I set down my fork, reaching for my glass of water.

"That's a beautiful name."

"Thank you."

Ben's dad smiled. "Is it a family name? Are you from the south?"

I shook my head. "No. I think my mom just liked it."

"So, you and Ben met because your brother is one of his," Eve glanced   toward Ben and I saw the concern in her eyes. "He's one of his coaches?"

I nodded, twirling my paper towel napkin nervously.

"Huh," she said.

"Mom, come on. I told you not to worry about it. Matt's cool with it."   Ben finished his beer and leaned back in his chair. "What is this, the   third degree?"

"It's okay, Ben," I said. "Your mom is just curious." I played nice but I wished the woman would move on.

"See?" Eve winked at her son but when she turned her eyes back to me she was all business.

No such chance.

She took a sip of wine. "Did you grow up around here?"

"Cherry Hill."

"Ah," Jason said. "I've got a client who lives there. Martin Brewer. Do you know him?"

"Jesus Dad," Ben said exasperated. "There are thousands of people in Cherry Hill."

I laughed at the look on his father's face. "No, Jason. I don't know Martin Brewer."

"Are you in college?" Eve asked.

I shifted, my stomach tight and I tried to keep my voice light. "I was but I'm taking a break for a bit."

I shot a glance at Ben who looked absolutely mortified.

"What are you studying?" God, the woman didn't miss a beat.

"Art history."

"Ah," she said with a smile. "That sounds interesting."

"It is," I stumbled over my words. "I mean it was."

"I see. Ben tells me that you live with your brother?" She was watching   me closely on this one and I knew she was wondering if Ben and I were   living in sin.

"I do. In Philly."

"And your parents?"

And here we were.

I exhaled, my body cold and then hot. I took a sip of water and pushed   my plate away. There was no way I could force another bite down. There   was also no way I could avoid answering. Not anymore.

Ben studied me as carefully as his parents and I knew he was interested   in my answer. We'd been together for weeks now and I hadn't mentioned  my  parents once.                       
       
           



       

"They're dead."

I saw the shock on Eve's face-I saw it mirrored on her husband's face   too-and I had to look away because my eyes were filling up with tears   and I didn't want to fall apart in front of them. Shit.

"I'm so sorry," Eve whispered. "I didn't … Ben never said anything."

"He didn't know," I mumbled.

I chanced a glance back but I should have kept my eyes averted. She   looked horrified, as if she'd made the biggest mistake every by asking   one simple question. Great. Leave it to me to bring everyone down.

I nodded but didn't speak. What was there to say? I'm sorry I ruined   your dinner? I'm sorry I'm the college dropout with major family issues   who's fucking your son?

I felt Ben's hand on mine but I couldn't look at him. Their perfect   little triangle wasn't meant for my sharp edge and I just wanted to   disappear.

"Hey," he said softly, so softly I knew his parents couldn't hear. "Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't know … about your parents."

I nodded. I mean, what was there to say? It wasn't his fault my mother   had decided to take a detour to off the bridge. Hell, it wasn't even my   mother's fault. She was damaged. She was damaged and broken and there   wasn't any kind of glue in the world that could fix her.

"Georgia?"

I blinked rapidly, trying to stem the tears I felt but suddenly it was too much. Ben. His parents. My parents.

And all the holes in between.

My heart sped up. Sweat broke out along my forehead and for a minute the   world seemed like it was spinning and yet I was still. I was standing   in the middle of crazy. It was odd, but in that moment I felt as if I   could see right into my mind and it scared the crap out of me.

I wrestled my hand from Ben's and pushed away from the table.

"I gotta go," I mumbled.

Ben stood, blocking my view of his parents and I avoided his eyes. I   knew the power that was there and I didn't want him to pull me in   because I needed to leave.

"Don't go." His hand reached for me but I sidestepped him, my face   already pinched into what had to be the mother of all fake smiles.

"It was nice to meet you." I nodded toward his parents. "But I just   remembered that I have this, um, thing and I have to be back in Philly   before nine, so … " My voice trailed off and I knew that they knew I was   full of shit, but they were too polite to say anything.

I gave a half wave before anyone could say anything and practically ran   into the house, my eyes searching frantically for my car keys. The door   banged behind me and I knew Ben had followed me inside.

I didn't want to face his questions. I just wanted to get the hell out. Shit. Where the fuck were my keys?

"Georgia."

"I don't want to talk about it, Ben. Really. It happened over three   years ago … and it's not a pretty story and I … please just let me go."   Mother fucker. My voice was cracking. I really needed to leave.

The keys were not where I left them. I shoved aside a bunch of   advertisements and the relief I felt when I saw the black and silver key   ring was huge. Huge. My chest was tight and it was getting hard to   breathe. I knew that if I didn't get my ass out of here soon I was going   to lose my shit in front of Ben and his parents, and I would rather  die  than have them see me like that.

I was headed for the front door and my fingers curled around the handle when Ben's voice cut through the fear inside me.

"You're just going to leave? What the fuck, Georgia? You tell me that   your parents are dead and then freak out and you're just going to   leave?"

He was behind me. I felt him as if he was pressed up against me.

"Let me help you with this. Let me be there for you."

"Please, Ben," I whispered. "I can't do this." Panicked I yanked hard on the door. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

"This is bullshit, Georgia." His voice was hard.

"I can't share this with you. Not yet."

I slipped outside, half expecting him to come after me. He didn't.

And I don't know what upset me more. The fact that I knew he was pissed   at me for leaving, which he had every right to be, or the fact that he   hadn't bothered to come after me.

Either way it didn't matter. Twenty minutes later I pulled over onto the   side of the road and lost my shit. I cried hard. I cried until my eyes   smarted because they were swollen. I cried until my nose ran and my  skin  was itchy from the salty tears. I cried until there was nothing  left in  me and even then I huddled in the front seat, my arms wrapped  around  myself, shaking uncontrollably.                       
       
           



       

And then I sat for nearly an hour, watching the headlights of the   oncoming cars blur as they sped by. I sat there until dusk fell and the   stars came out.

I sat there until I was empty and then I went home.





Chapter Twenty-Three





Ben





My parents stayed for three days and for three days Georgia stayed away.   The first two, we didn't talk. She never showed up to paint and I   refused to call her. As much as I wanted to be there for her, I couldn't   get past the way she had just run out. Like I didn't mean anything to   her. Like what we shared didn't rate an explanation.

And sure I was being a bit of a dick-I knew it wasn't about me-but I   couldn't help the way I felt. I'd never been ditched like that before   and it sucked.

My parents were cool. They never said anything about the way she'd   bolted or the fact that she hadn't come around since. We had a good   visit, caught up on some family shit and then they were gone.

The third day, yesterday, Georgia called but I wasn't overly friendly on   the phone even though I wanted to see her so bad it was all I thought   about. But then she wasn't either. I didn't know what had changed   between us, I only knew she wasn't interested in fixing whatever the   hell it was and that pissed me off even more than I already was.