The Stillness Of You(30)

She was freaking out and looked so damn cute I wanted to kiss her all over again.

Wait. What?

"Huh?" I asked as I reached for her hand.

"Sex, you idiot! This whole place smells like sex! It's probably seeped   into the floors and the walls and … oh God, we've had sex in here so many   times that I … "

A small cough sounded behind us and she froze, her eyes huge as she   peeked behind me, whispering, "shit, fuck, and shit," as she did so.

"So those are your parents."

"Yeah."

"They probably heard everything I just said."

I tried to keep the grin off my face but judging from the way she stomped on my toes I don't think I did a very good job.

"It's possible."

She pinched me and I grinned wider.

"Uh huh. Okay you better turn around and fix this right now or I'm leaving," she whispered fiercely.

I bent forward and kissed her mouth and then grabbed her hand as I   turned around. My parents stood just inside the doorway, Dad in a plaid   shirt and khaki shorts, Mom in a red sundress. My dad had a grin on his   face and I could tell by the quick perusal of my girl, that he liked   what he saw.

My mom looked a little uncomfortable, probably because Georgia was right.

It did smell like sex in here. What the hell. I decided to put it all   out there. I just hoped Georgia was down with taking the next step in   our relationship or I was going to look like a clueless asshole if she   called me on it.

"Benjamin?" Mom said slowly.

Here went nothing.

"Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Georgia."





Chapter Twenty-Two





Georgia





I watched Ben grilling steaks with his father, outside on the deck. I   watched the easy camaraderie they had-the way his dad, Jason, couldn't   keep that goofy, proud, smile off of his face whenever he looked at his   son. Or the way Ben ate it up. The way they touched each other and  joked  around.                       
       
           



       

His mother, Eve, was in there too and it was obvious she was happy to   have both of her guys in her circle. If she didn't have her hand on Ben,   she was hugging her husband. Resting her chin on his shoulder, or   stroking his back.

She loved her boys and they loved her back. They were a complete unit. Their own little triangle of love.

So what was I? The bad corner of a square?

I leaned back in my chair swallowing the lump that stuck to the back of   my throat like glue, and shifted in my chair so that I gazed out at the   fresh gardens around the pool instead of Ben and his parents.

They were sweet-especially his dad. His mom was friendly, but not overly   friendly. I knew she was checking me out. Evaluating. Contemplating.   Wondering.

She'd pretended not to notice the stash of condoms left on table beside   the pool, even though my face had turned so red I was sure I looked  like  a damn tomato. But so far she'd been pleasant enough.

Girlfriend.

God, I hadn't seen that one coming.

And though it made me happy to know he thought of me that way-that he   introduced me to his parents as something more than just a girl he'd   hooked up with-I should have been happier.

I should have been over the moon or at the very least, I should have been scared out of my tree.

For the last two weeks I'd been telling Ben that we needed to slow down.   After I shared Seamus with him and he'd been so incredible, I kind of   froze up. I was so scared that when he found out why I saw Seamus he   would bolt. Who the hell wanted a girlfriend that was crazy?

And even if he did-if he was willing to overlook that fact-was it fair to him?

I didn't know where this was leading. Us. Us and my illness. And for the   moment I was content to just be with him and not think about the rest.

And yet here I was. Not scared. Or happy.

I was pissy.

And not because I felt left out of their little club-I knew I didn't   belong in it. It was because I was jealous of what Ben had with his   parents. Of their love and their need to be together. Of knowing that   neither one of them would ever hurt each other.

What did it feel like to have such complete trust in your parents? To   know that their love was strong and true? To know that when your mother   slid into bed and stroked your hair, singing an odd lullaby, she wasn't   hiding a steak knife behind her back?

What did it feel like not to have to watch your father finally give in   and fall through the bottom of every vodka bottle that crossed his path?

For a moment I drifted off and disappeared inside my head. Inside the   memories from a past littered with ghosts and bottles of vodka and   hidden steak knives.

"Georgia, I don't want to get up. Leave me the fuck alone."

I looked at her small body beneath the mess of covers and the even   larger mess of clothes on her bed. Her hair was ratty and greasy and her   eyes scared the crap out of me. They looked dead. I was shaking but I   didn't want her to see because it would make her sadder than she  already  was.

"No, wait," she said. "Don't go."

Where was Matt? Where was Daddy?

"Mommy." I tried again. "Blair's mother is here but she won't let me go   with them to the water park until she talks to you. Daddy didn't call   her last night like he said he would. Can't you please come downstairs   and see her?"

"Georgia, I can't do it."

Hot tears pricked my eyes and this time I wasn't able to hide the sob that fell from between my lips.

"Mommy, you promised I could go for the weekend. You promised."

Why did she always do this? Why couldn't she be like Blair's mom? Why   did she spend every single day in bed? In the dark? Crying? Or saying   crazy things?

Why couldn't she be normal?

She rolled over and tried to sit up and for a moment my tears dried up.   My heart pounded in anticipation and for five whole seconds I was  happy.  She would come downstairs. She would talk to Blair's mom so that  Mrs.  Taylor knew I had permission to go with them.

Everything would be okay. I would have fun with Blair and if I was really lucky, I would be able to forget for a while.

"Please don't leave me," she whispered hoarsely.

Her bony hands beckoned toward me and I backed away, shaking my head and trying not to cry.

"Mommy," I whispered sadly.

"Georgia, I need you. I need you to stay with me."

She moved across the covers, her nightgown riding up her thighs, her   sunken eyes glistening with something feverish. She was shaking and   reached for her cigarettes on the table beside her bed. She lit one,   inhaled a long, deep breath, and wiped her nose on her arm.

She was gross and smelly and she looked awful and …                        
       
           



       

She was my mother.

"Georgie, please? We'll watch movies and eat junk food. I just … I don't want to be alone."

I didn't want to be here. But how could I leave her like this? Alone? Matt was with his friends and Daddy wasn't home either.

"Okay," I said finally, trying not to cry …  "I'll stay."





Ben's hand on my shoulder had me nearly jumping out of my skin.

"Shit, Georgia. I didn't mean to scare you." His eyes were warm and   happy and for a second I felt their heat roll over me. And yet I still   shivered from cold.

"I'm fine."

His eyebrow shot up and he cocked his head to the side.

"Really. I was just daydreaming I guess."

He bent low and kissed me, there beneath my ear, and I shuddered into   him, clutching his shoulders and wanting more-needing more-than he could   give with his parents looking at us.

"Steaks are ready," he murmured.

His hand slipped down my shoulder until he threaded my fingers through   his and drew me up against him. He didn't care that his mom was staring   at us from across the deck. He kissed me and I drank in his warmth and   his goodness and his strength.

Slowly he pulled away and cupped my chin. "Are you alright? I didn't   mean to abandon you over here, I just … my parents are pretty damn hard to   resist and they're really excited about my new place."

"You're lucky," I said without thinking.

"Yes." He dropped a kiss onto my forehead. "I am. I have you."

For a second I didn't let go and I felt my eyes fill up. "Thanks," I whispered.

We had steaks and baked potatoes with some leftover Chinese food from   the day before. It was thrown together hastily with paper plates, paper   towels for napkins and plastic utensils. Ben hadn't gotten around to   buying the basics since he'd moved in and we'd pretty much survived on   take out. And sex.