The Stillness Of You(13)

She nibbled her way up to my ear and whispered, "I came with my friend   Kendall, who happens to own a vagina, so you don't have to worry." She   did this slow, torturous roll of her hips and I inhaled sharply because   it felt like my dick was going to explode.

"Ben," she said, a touch of rasp in her voice.

"Yeah," I managed.

"What about Matt?"

"Fuck, Matt. We're not teenagers."

She rubbed herself against me one last time, like she was a cat, and it was almost too much. "Ben," she said again.

"Yeah." I pulled back so I could see her clearly.

Her hair looked like long, silky strands of black ink and it was   everywhere, her mouth was wet and open and her eyes were direct.

"Take me home so we can get naked."

She didn't have to ask twice.





Chapter Ten





Georgia





We stumbled out of Kachenga, Ben holding my hand as we walked toward his   rental. Thank God it was parked just a few blocks away because my legs   were trembling, and the only thing that was keeping me on my feet was   Ben-and the shot of adrenaline that was currently letting off sparks   everywhere.                       
       
           



       

My thoughts wandered. They wandered to places that were delicious and exhilarating and hot.

Naked. Me naked with Ben. Ben naked with me. Over me. In me.

My mouth watered at the thought and I tripped over my feet, but he caught me and didn't break stride.

We didn't speak on the way home. I think Ben mumbled something about the   temperature but I just nodded. It could have been as cold as the  Arctic  inside his truck, but I was as hot as hell.

Everything inside me was tight and fragile and filled with need. It had   been so long since I'd been with anyone that I was scared. Me, the girl   who less than a year ago would fuck pretty much anyone she wanted.  Back  then, I fucked just to fuck.

This was different-Ben was different-and that's what scared me. It   wasn't the fact that I'd only known him for less than a week, stuff like   that doesn't bother me too much. I mean, I'd had more than a few one   night stands, but who hasn't? I don't judge.

But, back then I'd been reckless with my body, A) because I felt above   it all, as if I could do anything without consequence. And B) I didn't   form an emotional bond with anyone so sex was never about a connection,   it was about the moment. It was about getting off and feeling  alive...in  that moment. It was never about what happened after.

Seamus told me it was because of my condition. That it was common for   people with bipolar to be, promiscuous, (a word I fucking hate.) I   didn't consider myself to be promiscuous. I was a girl who liked to have   a good time, and I was a girl who liked to have a good time without  any  strings.

End of story.

I suppose I could have been a little more selective and steered clear of   Matt's boys. But in my defense, there was something insanely hot about   hockey players and at the time I was if anything, slightly insane.

So for a while there I was goodtime Georgia, however, I wasn't dumb and I   wasn't reckless with my safety. I'd never had sex without a condom.   Ever. And a few of the guys I'd been with? I'd made them double up   because they were whores.

STD's are nasty shit and the last thing I wanted was to own a defective   vagina. That and the fear of pregnancy kept my drawer filled with   condoms. I can't even tell you how many girls I know had had abortions   and some more than once. I didn't get it. It was easy to own your own   body these days and to be responsible for every part of it.

But this thing with Ben was different and I was scared because I already   felt a connection to him and it was that connection that I craved.  What  if Ben was just into the sex? Would I be able to handle that?  Would I  be able to handle being the one left behind?

And why the hell was I feeling like this about a guy I had just met? When had that ever happened to me before? Answer?

Never.

I glanced at him, and instantly my heart took off, running to a beat of   want and need and something else. I didn't want to think too much about   the something else so I pushed everything aside and sent Kendall a  text.

I basically told her that if she showed up at the loft I would have to kill her.

Her response: u getting laid?

Mine: hope 2

Hers: Shit, Georgie I had the singer 4 me and guitarist lined up 4 u

Mine: you can have them both.

Hers: cool beans. ttyl.

I cracked a smile but it faded when we pulled up to Matt's building and   Ben handed the keys over the garage attendant. We walked inside, still   no words between us, and we waved to Eric who was the night guy on our   way to the elevators.

It felt like a long ride up though I knew it was less than twenty   seconds, but my knees were knocking together so badly I'm sure a moron   could have tapped danced to the beat. My stomach rolled and damn, it was   hot. So, so, hot.

The elevator slid to a halt and Ben grabbed my hand, yanking me after   him as if we were late to an important meeting … .or sex romp. He had the   spare key Matt had given him in the door before I could even grope for   mine in my purse.

And then we were inside and there was nothing to stop us from doing exactly what it is we both wanted to do.

My mouth was dry and I briefly thought that maybe I should have popped a   breath mint, but there was no time because the thought had barely   formed when Ben turned, his arms on either side of me, caging me against   the wall.

Holy fuck and mother of Christ, but he looked hot.

His hair waved around the collar of his white button down shirt and it   was all I could do not to bury my hands in the thick mess and bring his   mouth down to mine. His dark chocolate eyes were hooded, and that   amazing mouth of his was open, his breaths almost labored as he stared   down at me.

For the longest time it seemed we just stared at each other and I jumped   when he trailed a finger along my jaw and then slowly traced the shape   of my mouth. He wore cologne, a subtle earthy scent that was just  right.                       
       
           



       

And did I say how hot he looked?

I leaned my cheek into the palm of his hand and thought that right now,   in this moment, my life was changing. Something was happening and   whether it was going to be good or complicated or bad I didn't know, but   I sure as hell wasn't going to let any of that stop me.

Since my release from Oak Run I'd felt half alive, as if there was   something missing. I knew it was the crazy part and I also knew that it   was for the best, but still, there were times when I missed the highs,   though the lows … not so much.

And sadly, I'd given up hope that I could ever feel this way again.   Excited. Terrified. Horny. Sexy. I thought that maybe the drugs I needed   to control my condition coated everything in a dull, ordinary palette.   It's why I hadn't been able to paint anything interesting. And for   someone like me, a young woman still on the cusp of discovery, that was a   shitty thought.

But now … now Ben was here and I was alive again.

"You're driving me crazy, you know that right?" Ben whispered hoarsely.

"Sorry."

His finger continued to tease, slowly moving back and forth across my   bottom lip. "Don't say you're sorry." His voice was husky. "Show me   you're sorry."

He dipped his head and nuzzled my neck causing all sorts of electric   shocks to go off inside me. God, it felt like I was coming apart and the   throb between my legs was intense. So intense that I began to slowly   move my hips against him, whimpering and moaning at the feel of him.

His mouth found mine, his lips firm as he opened over me. He slowly   leaned into me as we kissed. And holy shit what a kiss. I tasted beer   and mint and Ben. It was a heady combination and every time his tongue   slid inside my mouth, some new part of me liquefied. He suckled on my   bottom lip and I could do nothing but gaze up into his eyes, little   sounds of need burgeoning from the back of my throat.

He pulled away, his breathing rough. "I fucking love that."

"What?" I managed.

"That noise you make. It's driving me insane."

God, I thought, I'm already there.

Ben leaned back a bit, his gaze moving down my body, a slow, sensual   perusal that had my nipples standing erect and shouting hello before he   even got there. As if reading my mind he bent forward, and then his hot   mouth closed over my nipple, the heat penetrating through the fabric  of  my dress instantly and I sagged into him.