The Stillness Of You(11)

I leaned against the tiles and tried to stifle the moan that sat in the   back of my throat, as my fingers and the erotic images of Ben pushed me   on. I stroked myself. I imagined it was Ben's fingers, and for the   second day in a row I got myself off. Jesus fuck, this had to be some   kind of record because I know I hadn't masturbated like this since I was   a teenager.

But it wasn't enough and even as the remnants of my orgasm shuddered   through me, I thought of him and there was a piece of me that was still   empty. Because as much as my fingers could coax a reaction from my  body,  it was the connection that I wanted and I wasn't satisfied.

God damn, I needed to get laid. I needed Ben.

I was just out of the shower when the buzzer rang and though I tried to   quell the excitement inside me, I couldn't . It had to be Ben, though I   wondered why he didn't just let himself in. Maybe he'd lost his key?

I ran through the loft, the towel barely staying put as I answered the phone on the wall near the front door.

"Hey, Joe." Our doorman was an older, retired guy, with a soft, round   wife and a pack of grandkids he brought around from time to time. I   liked him because Joe had seen me at my worst and there was no judging   when he looked at me.

"Hello, Georgia."

"Let him, up, Joe. It's alright."

He cleared his throat and there was a pause. "It's not Mr. Lancaster. It's  … Miss Kendall."

I rested my forehead on the wall and blinked my eyes closed. Shit.   Kendall wasn't exactly welcome around here and she knew it. Matt would   blow a fuse if he was home and that was something that Joe knew too.

For a few moments I said nothing and I wondered what to do. On one hand,   I missed her. I missed her like crazy. I'd known her for years and for  a  while we were really tight, like best friends tight. She knew what I   was thinking before I did, and the girl was always up for a good time.   But then shit happened. Trying to kill myself happened, and Matt  blamed  Kendall as much as my illness.

It's true she lived on the edge and for someone like me she wasn't exactly the right person to be around, but …

Jesus, I missed her.

"Georgia, what the fuck is going on? Is Matt not letting me up? Come on, I miss you and I'm only home for a few more days."

I clutched the phone. I was caving.

I could handle Kendall. I was strong now.

I thought of Matt. I thought of his dig earlier. Be good. And after a mental fuck-you, I spoke. "Come on up."

I unlocked the door, fled to my room, and I was just pulling up my   undies when Kendall burst inside and wrapped her arms around me so   tightly that I nearly choked. A few things were soon apparent and I   frowned, pushing down the little wiggle of unease that sliced through my   gut. She was drunk and-I slid from her embrace so I could get a good   look at her-pupils dilated, eyes glazed-she was high.

Double fuckedy-fuck.

"Holy shit, Georgia, you look great. When the hell did you grow those?"

I glanced down at my boobs, now encased a soft peach bra that matched my undies. I shrugged. "It's a push-up bra, loser."

She flung herself onto the bed. "You look great."

"And you look wasted."

She laughed, flinging her dark red hair behind her shoulders. She was a   striking girl-tall, willowy, with a great rack, nice ass and an  attitude  that didn't quit. We'd met at school-a private academy in the  middle of  bum-fuck nowhere-and we bonded over our love of music (at the  time I  was all about musicians and had a weakness for guitarists) and a  shared  disdain for authority.

She was type A all the way with a highly addictive personality, and with   all the issues I had including the worst-the fact that I had no   boundaries-we were pretty toxic together. In fact for a while there we   were known as the toxic twins. At the time I didn't know I was bipolar. I   didn't know shit, except having a good time.

But I was fine now.

I was better.                       
       
           



       

"We need to get really fucking wasted. The Rats are playing at Kachinga and I've got tickets."

I can handle her.

She jumped up from my bed, her short plaid skirt barely covering her ass   and from the little peek I got I was guessing she was commando. Some   things never changed. She hugged me fiercely. "You have to come with and   I'm not taking no for an answer. I'll throw down with Matt if he gets   in our way." She licked her lips and poked her hips into me   suggestively. "Actually, I wouldn't mind throwing down with Matt."

"Ew."

"No, really. I bet he'd be great in bed."

I screwed up my face and pushed Kendall away. "Calm down. He's in the Cape."

"Oh," she grinned. "Well, then you don't have an excuse to say no. So get your ass dressed and let's head out."

I exhaled and took a few steps back, needing a bit of   perspective-needing to get away from Kendall's black hole of decadence.   "I don't know. I … "

A red flash caught my eye and I grabbed my cell phone off my dresser and   glanced at a text from Ben. We'd exchanged numbers the day before but I   hadn't expected to hear from him.

Hadn't expected, but was kinda sorta wanting to. My stomach did this   weird lurching thing though it faded as I quickly read his message.

Hey. Presenting offer now. I'll be late. Don't miss me 2 much.

I stared at the message for a few seconds, and then glanced at Kendall.   Her eyes softened for a bit, the dark charcoal beneath them crinkling  in  the corners. "Come on, Georgie. It's been forever." She glanced  around.  "Besides, why the hell would you want to stay here when you can  be with  me kicking it down?"

I bit my bottom lip, fingering my cell for a few moments before tossing   it back onto the dresser. Things started to bubble inside me and I   exhaled, fisting my hands for a second while everything ran fast. And   then stopped. I waited, breath held, for it to start again.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I nodded, not really thinking that I was alright, but not wanting to   talk about it either. Chin thrust forward, I glanced at my closet, my   eyes falling onto the ice blue boat neck dress I'd bought just before my   incarceration. It still had the tags on it.

I'd forgotten how gorgeous the fabric was. Oh, and the color … it sure would look great with my Steve Madden's.

Kendall tugged on my arm, her face scrunched into an exaggerated pout and I giggled. "Come on, Georgie."

A smile opened on my face and my hand inched toward the dress as the   pressure inside me eased a bit. "Okay," I said as Kendall squealed. "But   just so you know I don't drink anymore."

"Whatever."

"And I don't do weed or coke either."

She nodded. "Uh-huh."

"And we're not going home with random guys."

She flopped back down onto the bed. "Gotcha."

I glanced down and frowned. "Are you going to put some underwear on or what?"

Her grin widened as she cocked her head to the side. "Now why in the hell would I want to do that?"

Shit.





Chapter Nine





Ben





Kachenga was the kind of bar you'd expect to find somewhere on the   sunset strip in Hollywood. It reminded me of The Whiskey a bit-not   exactly a dive but not exactly respectable either. It was dark, loud and   crowded, and by the time I arrived it was close to midnight.

I was lucky to get in-The Rats were an up and coming indie band and even   though I was more of a straight up rock kind of guy-I preferred Foo   Fighters or Five Finger Death Punch-I'd heard of them. The place was   packed and the lineup was discouraging and even though I said I'd never   be that dude who used his celebrity, I was willing to do just about   anything if it meant getting inside and being with Georgia.

I would have sent her a text but my damn phone was dead and I was hoping   she was still here because she wasn't back at the loft. I hadn't  spoken  to her since she'd replied to my text hours earlier and told me  she was  heading out to Kachenga with her friend.

My teeth clenched at the thought. She hadn't elaborated on who exactly   her friend was and I wasn't sure what my plan was going to be if I found   her here with a guy-who I was assuming would be that fucking Seamus  the  cat character. Would I pretend I didn't see her, slide through the   crowd and leave without saying anything? Or would I walk right up to  her  and make that play, the one that had me careening down center ice  with a  target in sight.

Georgia was my fucking target and I had it bad.