The First Last Boy(9)

"Shit, Tana." He jerked his jeans up and zipped them. "I'm not a hero."  He stared down at me, his eyes a riptide of danger. "Especially yours."

I stared back at him, catching how his own breathing picked up, how he  swallowed hard, clenched his hands into fists and held himself so  rigidly away from me. "You're thinking about how much you want me," I  said.

"No, I'm not." His voice denied what his body told the truth about.

Feeling bold, I put my hand at the base of his throat, touching his skin  just above the fabric of his shirt. His pulse raced against my  fingertips and it thrilled me that he wasn't immune to me. "Liar."

Ryan's hands shot out and clasped me around the waist. He lifted me off  my feet and dropped my backside onto the desk. "Run away, Tana."

I could sense the wildness in him trying to push past the self-control. I took a breath. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Dammit. Please." He forced out through clenched teeth. His gaze dropped to my lips.

"No. And do you know why I'm not leaving? Because I'm thinking about how  much I want you, too." I put my hands on his arms, dancing my  fingertips across the tattoos covering his flesh. He was exciting.  Beautiful. I caressed his biceps. "You're so strong." I stroked his arms  rhythmically. "Always so in control. Let it all go with me, Ryan."

"You don't know what the fuck you're messing with."

"Show me."

Using his leg, he pushed mine apart and shifted to stand between them  until he was pressed intimately against me and I could feel the firmness  of his erection. He pushed enough to make it uncomfortable.

My stomach tightened, not from fear but from wanting him. I could feel myself getting wet. "Ryan..."

His lips crashed down onto mine with a hunger that felt as if I was  being devoured. I was caught in the middle of a tornado that was pulling  me apart. I'd been kissed before but never the way Ryan kissed-an  all-consuming onslaught that made my blood feel as if it was turning  into liquid fire.         

     



 

He pulled at my lower lip with his teeth, biting hard enough to make it  sting and I wanted more. I needed more. Working a hand between our  bodies, he slipped his hand into my jeans and into my panties to stroke  the aching flesh, still keeping the pressure of his erection against me.  I thought I was going to skyrocket off the desk.

Moaning, I tugged at his shirt to pull it free of his waistband and  moved my hands along the sides of his abdomen. His skin was so hot, so  hard. I lowered my hands to his legs, feeling the strength in his thighs  when his muscles contracted beneath my touch. I wanted him closer.  Wanted him inside me. I put my hands behind him to press them against  his ass and wished our clothes weren't between us.

His lips left mine and dropped to the base of my neck, then dipped lower  until his tongue touched the valley between my breasts. Gripping the  sides of my vest, he pulled it apart, tearing the buttons off. Pushing  aside the lacy camisole I wore, he put a hand into my bra and lifted my  breasts up. I leaned my head back when he gently sucked on the side of  one breast then worked his way to the nipple. I had no oxygen, no  ability to move and didn't want to. My bones and muscles were melting.  "Ryan," I whispered again, shifting to touch the button on the front of  his jeans, trying to get inside.

He jerked upright, grabbed my hands in his, and breathing heavily leaned  his forehead against mine. "Get out." His voice was angry, but  controlled, his lips tight.

"What?" I asked, still dazed and aching from the sensations flooding my body.

"Get out now before we screw right here on the desk. If you don't leave,  I'll take you in ways that'll make you blush when you think about them.  It'll be hard and painful for you. I'll drive into you until you feel  my balls practically inside of you. You deserve better than a bastard  who fucks you like that. A lot better. Now go." He took a step back,  adjusted himself and walked to the door. His shoulders were rigid. "I  can withstand a lot of things, but hurting you physically because I'm  thinking with my dick isn't one of them."

With legs that shook like I was walking for the first time, I slid off  the desk and moved to him. I pressed my hand against his racing heart  and did my best to concentrate on what I wanted to say rather than how  my body still screamed in hunger. "I'm scared."

Understanding flitted across his handsome face and he nodded. "Of me," he said in a flat, emotionless voice.

I shook my head at his misunderstanding. "No, I mean I'm scared because I  didn't expect to feel so strongly about the thought of being with you."

The understanding fled. "It's just sex. Don't confuse it with something  more. I don't want to hurt you that way either. I meant what I said  about not falling in love with me. I won't love you back if that  happens."

"I'm not expecting you to."

His shoulders relaxed. "Keep it that way, okay?" He smiled and it was  like the sun coming out after a storm. "You want to hang out later?"

"Actually, I do. My old boyfriend is having a party at his house. Starts at nine."

His eyebrows went up. "The one who dumped you."

"Yep. I ran into Tristan today and he was so sleazy I thought I was  going to throw up. I don't really know why I said I'd go to his party.  Maybe I need closure. He said it was okay for me to invite friends.  You're my friend."

Ryan chuckled and ran a hand down his right arm across the tattooed images. "This sounds a little devious."

"Maybe a little. You can see where I came from and how it turned me into  the wonderful, drama free person that I am today." He rolled his eyes  and laughed and I smacked his arm lightly. "You'll go with me?" I asked,  plucking at the fabric of his shirt.

"Yeah, I'll go. I'll pick you up."

His agreeing made me beam with pleasure and before I thought about it,  before he could pull away, I kissed him, then walked backward across the  parking lot. "So it's a date. The party this weekend and us next  weekend." I held my breath, waiting to see if he understood what I  meant.

His head dipped in acknowledgement and I breathed out, then gave him a  wave as I climbed into my car. I drove away lost in thoughts of Ryan and  in the feelings that swarmed over me when I thought about his hand  touching my most intimate place.

How I managed to get home was anyone's guess. The drive passed in a blur  of road and houses. Ryan had originally said he didn't want to talk  about it after we had sex. I knew now that wasn't going to be a problem.  Based on what had happened between us at the garage just now, how could  I discuss something I suspected was going to be too powerful to define?         

     



 







RYAN



I was halfway home before I managed to stop thinking about wanting to be  inside of Tana. Wanting her and not having her was painful. I should  call off the sex agreement but damned if I could find the will  especially after that encounter at the garage. I wanted to lie to myself  that my reaction was simply because it had been too long since I'd had  release. That was the distorted truth that would allow me to quiet the  warning voice in my mind and justify what I was going to do to Tana next  weekend. Maybe I wanted her because on some level she represented what  I'd never had. Goodness. Purity. Hope. Or maybe I was going to have sex  with her because foster dad #5 was right and I was just a self-centered,  evil shit whose death would be a favor to the world. I clenched my jaw  together, tired of wrestling with myself and pulled into the driveway at  Mama Leena's.

The porch was filled with neighborhood kids of all ages. Every weekend,  she let the kids hang out hoping that while their parents worked, it'd  keep some of them out of trouble. Casey Wallace, a teenage single mother  who lived next door was leaving as I approached. When she passed close  to me, I handed her some money, waving off her choked up words of  gratitude. The father of her baby was in jail on the domestic violence  charge he'd copped to after I've shown him why it was dangerous for him  to hit a woman.

"Hiiii, Ryan," Katie said from the east corner of the porch. She sat  cross-legged holding a one-eared kitten Destiny had rescued. Katie was  Destiny's best friend and like my foster sister, a pain in the ass  sometimes.

"Hey. Have you seen Juvante?"

"He's talking to Mama Leena."

The screen door flew open and Destiny came outside carrying two sodas.

"Thanks." I took one from her hand.

"Ryan, give that back. That's not for you."

"Katie doesn't mind." I popped the tab and took a drink. "Right, Katie?"

Destiny bumped me with her shoulder and keeping her voice low said, "You better get in there."

I handed her back the soda. Before I could reach the kitchen, I heard  Juvante's voice, raised and insistent, followed by Mama Leena's  I-don't-believe-your-bullshit tone.