The First Last Boy(41)

Now that it was January, I was starting my second semester and I was a  little more adjusted to my life of classes, studying and doing my best  to avoid partying with Shelby. But I'd never adjusted to not having Ryan  in my life. There was a missing piece. I wasn't in the mood to be  surrounded by people laughing and hooking up and I had to work hard to  keep the pretense up that I was okay.

Without knocking, Shelby flung open my door and made a beeline for my  closet. She and I had been lucky enough to get one of the two rooms with  a living space in Patriot Hall. With the dorm being coed, Shelby was in  her element surrounded by good looking guys.

Pulling out a black dress, she held it against her and said, "Borrow this?"

I closed my textbook. "That's the third party this week and it's not even the weekend."

"I know but I'm young and finally free from my golden cage. I'm making up for lost time."

"It's supposed to snow tonight. You might want to wear boots with it."

"I will and I'll find someone warm to snuggle up with."

"Have fun."

"Come with me." Shelby dropped the dress onto the back of the desk chair  and plopped down on the end of the bed. "You'd have a lot more fun if  you'd let go of Ryan."

Hearing his name squeezed my heart. "I have let go."

She arched her eyebrows.

"Okay, I'm working on letting go," I corrected. "I haven't talked to him  or heard from him since I saw him at the hotel after he was beaten. I  even told Brooklyn to never tell me any news about him."

"It won't be over until you go out with someone else. I know that a few guys have asked you out."

"They're just not...I don't know...they're not-"

"Ryan?"

"I told you that I'm working on letting go. I'm getting closer." Even I could hear the lie in my voice.

"Then prove it," she challenged and grabbed my hand. "Come to the party  with me tonight. It's what you need. Have a few drinks, dance and be  with someone other than Ryan."

I mulled over her idea. On the one hand, I didn't want to go. But on the  other, I really didn't want to spend another night studying. Maybe she  was right. Maybe going to a party would be good for me. "Okay, you have a  deal."

Shelby squealed and hugged me. "Do you want to borrow the dress to wear that I was going to wear?"

I laughed. "No, I'll wear my red one."

"You won't regret this."

"Famous last words." I slid from the bed to get ready for the party.







RYAN



"It's like living with Bigfoot. Everyone knows I have a roommate, but no one ever sees him."

I looked at my roommate, Lewis. "I'm not really the party kind of guy."  Not anymore. Not after what I'd been through in the months prior to  arriving at Bayside. I'd missed the first semester because I'd had to  recover from the showdown with Chanos. I'd survived. He hadn't. And  Clarke was paying the price with years of his freedom.         

     



 

Abraham had bought his cousin's garage near the college and I worked it  part time while taking a few business management classes. Ryker was  moving up to join me at the garage and he'd be here in a few hours and I  was glad I'd have at least one of my brothers around. Cooper couldn't  leave Michigan yet because he was still on parole, but I hoped he would  once that was over. Juvante had left for the Marines. We were all going  our separate ways for the time being but we'd always be a family. Always  be there for each other. I knew that now.

"Okay. I didn't want to say this, but you leave me no choice. I heard Tana will be at the party."

The air grew heavy and I nearly stopped breathing. I quit writing the  letter I was working on to Clarke and looked at Lewis. We lived together  in a house near the campus that had been divided up into apartments.  He'd lived all his life on a farm in Iowa in a small town that he'd  laughed and said consisted of mostly his family members. In his plaid  shirt, high water jeans and black eyeglasses, everything about Lewis  screamed nerd. But he'd become a friend and had proven himself  trustworthy on more than one occasion. I'd made the mistake of telling  him about Tana one night after he'd hounded me for a reason why I wasn't  hooking up. "It doesn't matter if Tana will be at the party. She  doesn't want anything to do with me."

She'd proven that. I'd written letters before I'd left Michigan, but  there'd been no response. I'd tried to call and text her but her number  had been changed. When she'd said goodbye that final day I'd seen her,  apparently, she'd meant it. I'd taken great pains to avoid being near  any place I thought she'd go whenever I was on campus. If she didn't  want to see me, I would respect that and wouldn't force the issue. I'd  put her through enough.

"Okay, you're probably right. She probably hates you. So let's you and I  hit the party circuit. I'll even let you be my wingman."

I laughed at that. Lewis struck out every time. "I'm gonna finish this letter."

"Like that's what you really want." Lewis bounced back and put up his fists. "Don't make me kick your ass."

I laughed again. Lewis probably only topped out at 100 and I doubted he'd ever started a fight in his life.

"You owe her an explanation for what you did to her."

"No, I fucking don't." I gave up the pretense of writing.

"Yes, you do. She's making choices based on the belief that you don't care about her and never did."

"Lewis, butt the fuck out."

"Stop being a pussy and talk to her."

"Speaking of ass kicking, I'm about to hand one to you."

Lewis sighed. "There's another reason that I want you to go. The party's  at a fraternity house. Some of those guys think it's funny to kick my  ass."

"Then why do you want to go?"

"Because I'm not a pussy. Because I'm not going to let those guys make  my time here miserable. Because I can step up to the plate. Now, if you  won't go for Tana, go to keep me from getting my ass kicked at a party  at least once."

"Alright, man. I've got your back. Let's go." Maybe Lewis was right.  Maybe I needed to see Tana and explain why I'd acted the way that I had.  I leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling but didn't see the  light. Instead I saw Tana's face, her smile, and her body moving under  mine with sweet abandon. What would I say to her if she told me she  hated me? Or if she still cared? Or worse...if she felt nothing at all?





Chapter Twenty-Eight

TANA



I could barely contain the shudder that ripped through me as the guy  beside me whispered in my ear. Not because he was saying anything I  wanted to hear but because I knew it had been a mistake to come to the  party. I couldn't stand the thought of doing with this guy what he was  suggesting.

"I'm sorry, I need to use the bathroom." I slid away from him and  searched the crowd for Shelby. I couldn't believe she'd ditched me. I  didn't want to walk back across the dark campus alone but I didn't want  to drag Shelby away either. Maybe I'd use the bathroom and then find a  corner to stand in until I could locate my roommate.

I passed by the staircase and groaned at the line of girls waiting for  the bathroom. The frat house only had two. This one and the one  upstairs. I spun around and went up the stairs. Thankfully, there were  only two girls in line.

"Tana?"

No. Yes. I was dreaming that I'd heard Ryan's voice. Hadn't he been with  me in a few rather vivid dreams since I'd seen him last? I'd woken up  throbbing and so ready for him, then had cried when I'd realized it was  only a dream. I turned slowly, not expecting to come face to face with  the guy I thought I'd never see again.         

     



 

The girl in front of me said loudly enough to her friend for me to overhear, "Oh my God, he's fucking hot."

She was right. He was hotter than ever. He wore jeans and a long sleeve  light blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Some of his  tattoos showed. I remembered them. I remembered the ones that weren't  showing. The ones on his chest that I'd kissed as we'd lain locked  together our last time. I remembered everything about him. Guess I  hadn't done such a bang up job of letting go or of forgetting.

The girls were staring expectantly at me. I found my voice and said, "What are you doing here?"

His gaze drifted to the girl staring so boldly at him. By the glazed  look on her face, I was sure in her mind's eye she was already rolling  around naked with him. I glared at her and she looked away.

"I started school here."

"You...here? Why?"

"Business management. I'm taking over a garage Abraham bought not far from here."

"Oh." What did I think he was going to say? That he'd chosen this school  because I was here? Because he couldn't live his life without me? That  he was sorry and loved me?

"Let's go somewhere and talk."

"Now you want to talk?" The bathroom door opened and the two girls in  front of me went in and started making out before the door ever closed. I  slapped the bathroom door and yelled at them. "Could you do that after I  use it?" I couldn't think straight. The shock of seeing Ryan made it  hard to concentrate on anything. I needed to get away from him.