The Boy Who Knew Me When(9)

You are smart, even if you blew off school; you are still so fucking smart. Remember our sophomore year when Becky Hamilton ran as student council president and she went on a tirade about the unhealthy food served in the kiosk, demanding it be closed down right along with the vending machines? You shot her idea down in half a second after you side slapped her with statistics about the independence of youth and how something as simple as a food kiosk helped mold teens into productive citizens by providing choices and the opportunity to learn money management skills. You had the school staff eating out of your hands, it was hilarious, and I thought Becky was going to piss herself.

Intelligence is so much more than a grade on a piece of paper Jem. You have no idea how frustrated I would get sometimes with you, always putting yourself down. You never listened to any of us even though we practically beat our admiration into you.

Anyway, I know this letter is long and I am totally rambling but I want you to know how special and amazing you are, not just to me but to everyone around you. And though I can’t have you, I want you to know that you deserve love and I hope you find it. I know you fear the pain that can come along with it, Lord knows I know what that pain feels like right about now, but the joy that comes with loving someone outweighs any pain it can cause.

I would not change one second of loving you Jemma. Well...except maybe the part where you ground my heart into sand. Haha! Seriously though, you have to let love in babe. You have to let someone love you and let yourself love someone. Your heart is still beating in your chest; you aren’t dead, stop living life like you are. It is OK to love, not everyone is like your father, not everyone breaks in the end and not everyone will leave you. I love you and no matter what you decide. I’m not going anywhere and will be here for you, no matter the distance whether you want me or not.

Yours always,

Brandon



I looked up from the letter in my hands to Brea with tears in my eyes.

“Well?” she asked.

Instead of answering I pushed the note into her hands and reached down to open the small box in my lap. Inside was the most beautiful heart locket I have ever seen in my life. It was about the size of a quarter and covered in Celtic symbols. I pulled the delicate chain from the box and held the heart in my hand, rubbing my thumb over the intricate design and then flipped it open. As my eyes took sight of the photographs inside my heart sped up and a small breathless gasp made its way out of my mouth from the pit of my stomach. One side of the locket was a photo of my brother Nicolai and on the other was a photo of my mother. Engraved on the back of the locket were the words, “Let love in.”

Brea and I both sat in silence for what felt like forever before she broke said silence in a way only Brea could.

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, that was fucking hot, it’s kind of annoying how much he loves you. Damn it Jem. So what now?” Brea had seen the movie Heathers way too many times.

That was the question wasn’t it? What now? What do I do with Brandon’s words, how do you process such blatant honesty?

“Well, I can tell you what you should do. You should mosey your out of this world ass over to the phone and call Brandon before he comes to his senses. THAT is what you should do.” Brea huffed. I stared down at the locket in my hands, and then lifted my head back to her stare.

“I agree, can you put this on me before I call him?” I held up the locket and Brea nodded her head taking the heartwarming piece of jewelry into her hands and placing it around my neck.

“It’s beautiful Jem; it’s amazing how much Brandon has grown up since freshman year, huh? Not that he was ever a normal teenage boy. But man, the letter, the necklace. I hate to say it but I feel bad for any girl who comes along after you. He‘s completely and totally ruined.”

I cringed at the thought and said “He is going to find someone amazing, he doesn’t need me anymore. And no, he is not the boy we met ninth grade.”

Brea let out an almost hysterical laugh. “THAT is the understatement of a lifetime, definitely not a boy, Brandon is all man. Every hot succulent inch of him. Damn, I know he is pretty much hands-off material, but just thinking about it makes me feel like I am 14 all over again.”

I laughed at her honesty then decided it was time for a little honesty of my own.

“I wish you had told me about Brandon. I want you to know that as far as you are concerned he is not hands-off. If you want him, I won’t hate you for trying to get him. He loves you too, you know.”

Brea took my hand in hers and offered up a sweet smile assuring me that she had no intention of playing second fiddle to the love of his life. But I didn’t want to think of myself as the love of his life. I had to know that Brandon would one day open himself up to someone else and move on. Deep down I knew he already had, the fact that he never really fought for me spoke for itself.